so i turned up for my session and he was standing outside...
he said he had car trouble and he managed to borrow a car to come in to tell me but that he needed to get it back.
he said he will try and reschedule and he will contact me if anything comes up.

option one: that is that. don't go back.
option two: that is perfectly understandable of course. these things happen. it was nice of him to figure a way to borrow a car to come in and let me know.

and kt can take the sadness
and j can take the pain
and w can take the contempt
and a can take the anger

and it is perfectly understandable of course. these things happen.

[pegasus]

Yep all of the above!

It sucks but he did take the trouble to let you know.

Cancelled sessions really hurt.

I hope your T sorts out another time really soon.

((Alexandra))

It is so frustrating, disappointing, and crushing when that happens. Even when I understand it intellectually it still affects me emotionally.

Mine cancelled last week and I was angry.. took it personally.. like I did last time.

I think you need more time to think about it before you decide what you will do. It is too fresh and your emotions are still heightened.

I'm sorry this happened to you, especially now when you are trying to get back into a schedule.

((hugs))

ECHOES

please wait awhile before you make a decision.

i know that you were looking forward to the appt so i know how terribly disappointing it must be right now.......

i'm sorry. it sucks........xoxoxo pat

Yeah, it's understanble...but it still sucks BIG snot piles.

I'm so sorry. It bites. You tell him that if he hurts you again, there are plenty of people on two web sites which he will need to answer to!!!

Big sloppy hugs, em

[sunrise]

I'm so sorry alexandra. That is just heartbreaking and oh-so-disappointing.

I know it doesn't help you feel better, but to me it is impressive he made the effort to tell you in person instead of just by a phone message. It shows he knows how important both he and the therapy are to you.

I'm hoping that you will go back to him, but I understand how this hurt could drive you away.

sunny

[__zh]

option two. why? cuz. no real reason. just years of experience. our guess from thousands of miles away.

sorry it got everything all in a jumble but as you said these things happen.

doesn't mean you have to be all zenlike and accepting and happy......pitch a fit, get it out, and then calmly reassess where you're at and what y'all want.

stick with it please. don't make us plead. it isn't the time to drop it all just cuz. we'll out cuz you reason for reason so please just save us both headache and try. ((ak et al))
__zh

her zenness makes sense......

AK, I hope this isn't intruding on your "pain" but something just happened in T that resonated wiht me as I read your post. Today was the last session for a week and T asked if my quiteness in session wasn't in some way connected to the break next wk? I said I hadn't thought about that and maybe...then she asked didnt I feel I had the right to protest about next week? I said struggled and said why? it won't change anything. So I'm in quite resignation. Then she reminded me of somethign I had told her about when I was 4 and in hospital alone and wanted to be touched so much so made out I was asleep at night and stuck my hand out of the cot hoping a nurse would touch me, which she did but only to put my arm back. T said another child alone in hosptial would have screamed and then would have been picked up..but I had a passive resignation as if I wasn't entitled to be reassureed?

I walked away from T today thinking about this. I know I dont want to really get angry because the pain of being angry and still not getting satisfaction is to painful in my eyes..but what else is there to do? like yourself you must have felt so desloate yesterday knowing that no matter what you said or done your session wasn't going to happen. So how does one protest so that it doesnt make one feel even worse?

[Soidhonia]

Hello Alexandra.
I feel that you should be very grateful that your therapist cared enough about your therapy that he borrowed a car to tell you in person he could not be there for your therapy. I am sorry that you are hurt and confused, but your therapist must have been concerned about missing your appointment as well I feel that you are taking a very mature approach to rationalizing the situation. Hopefully your therapist will call and reschedule your appointment soon and get his car fixed to be at his appointments as well. Try to keep a positive outlook if you can. Take care Soidhonia

[jacq10]

aww i'm so sorry ... that must have been so disappointing . But as others have said above, the fact that he took the time to come and tell you in person really says alot ... he could have(more easily) just left you a msg on your phone.

Hang in there and maybe give your T another chance ... sounds like he really does care about you.

[January]

((((((((((( Alexandra ))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Hugs,

Jan

[darkeyes]

I'd say go with "option 2", things happen and it was nice that he made the attempt to let you know the way he did.
I know from experience what it feels like, and it can leave one feeling hurt, but things happen.
The reverse can happen, the client's car can break down, a family crisis, and or T getting ill can occur, we are all human.

Now, if a T tells the patient, "I do not want to see you anymore", with or without an explanation why, can be a valid reason of feeling hurt,angry and/or frustrated.
One time my former T had to cut our session by a half hour, cause he had a client in crisis, was called by the parents and had to meet them at the hospital, so of course I couldn't be offended, that other person could of be me, and my T made up the lost time so I wasn't gyped.
Though it's hard, try to understand it wasn't intentional.
I wish you lots of luck with all of this.
Take care now,
DE

I will just say that I think its transferrence that carrys the hurt..if we could just accept things as fine then would we be in therapy? Not sure?

[Perna]

All of your feelings are valid and should be recognized and felt Alexandra but not all of them should be acted on? Other people are never going to stop hurting us, disappointing us, having problems in their own lives so they can help us in ours. Leaving doesn't solve or even help anything whereas staying and talking, working it all through, coming to a "balance" in one's understanding of how one feels and "works" is all we can do I think.

(((((((((((guys)))))))))))))
thank you all.
your responses meant a great deal to me.

i had to deal with something at work on friday. talk to one of the guys here who is looking like a walking skeleton. the conversation really did not go well at all. i got really very drunk on friday night. spent all of yesterday recovering (i swear i was really very drunk / hungover all of yesterday too). i did some reading but couldn't think clearly enough to write.

i'm going to have to get out today. wander into town just far enough to get some groceries. there are storm warnings (summer thunderstorms) so hopefully i won't get caught. get into my work. need to do that too.

i decided... i'd just decided that after the shore stuff (in mouses thread) that... the attunement (empathy) when we did have a session was good enough for me to be able to put up with one hell of a lot of this kind of thing. also... the very first time i went to our session i very nearly missed the bus. that got to me a great deal because i was thinking that if i didn't manage to get there he would be thinking that i consciously / unconsciously didn't want to go etc. i guess i thought about whether he unconsciously didn't want to see me... but... i think it is okay. so i decided to go back (posts here really helped) then he called and left a message saying we migiht be able to reschedule for monday afternoon.

maybe...
he will let me know tomorrow / monday morning.

i'll try not to be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. of course... i will be disappointed.

it is just that if i beat myself up about feeling upset then i only feel worse. i'm not sure what is up with that. apparantly... some people have more 'ego strength' so they can take it. or less intense emotions. or something. i dunno. still half asleep. thanks guys.

[(JD)]

alexandra_k said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
(i swear i was really very drunk / hungover all of yesterday too)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh ok. Then I will apply this affect to your posting on the threads you replied to at that time.

I hope you do get an appointment. I hope it all goes well for you. TC

[sunrise]

Alexandra, I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you get the Monday appointment. That was great he called you to offer that possibility. Hope it comes through.

sunny

P.S. do you live in the southern hemisphere? I noticed you mentioned the summer storms.

i didn't hardly post at all, sky. just the odd little quick comment...

(edited to include the following).

i just checked... and yeah...

i guess... you were joking?

sorry, i'm a bit slow today still

thanks.
yeah, southern hemisphere. middle of summer here. it is nice when it is windier. the storms are a bit erractic, though. it can cloud over and then the thunder and lightning start. seem to come from nowhere all of a sudden. we get storm warnings across the tv screen at the bottom... so that is kinda nice. only a couple hours warning though. it stormed a lot yesterday afternoon. thunder was so loud and lots of lightning. meant to be the same this afternoon. i should probably do groceries soon as i'm more likely to get caught this afternoon. in fact... i really really should, so i might just go do that now :-)

and then the rain came down. darn it.

[(JD)]

No, not joking... but glad you are feeling better.

was it the post to echoes:

>((((echoes))))
>heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey...
>maybe your t and my t are having an affair!
>;-)

the link to the wiki article on gestalt therapy...

or the post to dr clay where I expressed appreciation that he was prepared to help us learn to communicate better...

that you had in mind?

[sunrise]

alexandra, I actually thought the idea of your and ECHOES' therapists having an affair was hilarious! All those missed Fridays.... Makes sense!

((alexandra_k))



ECHOES