[sunrise]

Something happened at my last session a few days ago that really made a difference for me this week in real life. Towards the end of the session, T said something, fairly benign, not a major interpretation at all. We didn't discuss it or anything, it was just a comment. But it really provoked something deep in me later. That comment caused me to change something really important in my current relationship, to set a firm boundary with my SO, which I have had trouble doing for many years. (In general, I am not good at setting boundaries in my relationships.) It's been kind of amazing for me. Like a breakthrough. And all because of this one comment from T at our session that triggered that reaction in me. He has no idea.

I know we read a lot here in this forum about the many challenges of our therapies, like how to open up to our T's, share with them, get what we need out of our sessions, deal with their silence or our transference, how we can feel rejected and hurt and angry when they cancel our appointments, and more. I can so relate to all those things. But here is this really positive thing that came out of therapy for me totally unexpectedly. T and I were not working directly on this issue. I would love to hear people's examples of similar occurrences--therapy "events" that provoked positive change.

sunny

[kimmydawn]

Hi, sunny! What a neat post...

In the eight years I had with ex-therapist, there were many similar times. He was blown away and thrilled when I would tell him how something so little helped so much. It also helped to show him that most every word can mean something...

The cool thing is that, there were just as many times for ex-t as there was for me. He would stop the convo many times to explain how something I'd just said gave him a way to "click" my experience in his understanding.

It's just really cool the all-around awarenesses that can come about in discussions, but also in those "aside" comments that we're just in the right place, at the right moment, to apply them.

Very cool becuase it's at that time when we do apply them, that we can make those all-important changes.

KD

Sunny,

I have had moments of clarity with some therapists. As if the sky opened and the sun burst through. The lightbulb moment.

One I can share: I was talking with my current therapist and in conversation about something else it came up about how my mother treated my oldest brother as if he was perfect, better than the rest of us, someone we could never be as good as, etc. She kind of non-chalantly said that "She didn't do him any favors" and we talked a minute about what she meant. After that, I have been able to see my brother in a completely different light. I understand his attitude, his many failed marriages, even his financial successes in a new way. He had to keep up the image that he didn't even create; it wasn't a blessing for him.. it was a burden.

This led me to make a few attempts to connect with him and we have exchanged an email. There might be hope. We have not hardly spoken in years. Pretty amazing if you ask me!

ECHOES

What a great idea for a thread :-)

I love moments like that :-)

I had something happen just before christmas. an inter-personal situation that was very unpleasant. 6 months ago i would have lost the plot completely, for a time. i really would have taken an OD or (probably most likely) packed a few things and fled. Did a fugue type thing or similar.

But... Something he said occurred to me. When I told him about how a. gets involved (sexually) with people sometimes... he said 'maybe it is about intimacy'. and although he didn't say this i got to thinking about how i push people away which results in my being lonely which results in my having sexual encounters. and i had thought about that...

And somehow in this situation i managed to realise that they were being mean about me because they thought i didn't like them because they felt like i was pushing them away. and i was. out of fear.

and somehow i managed to really hold that in mind.

and i didn't even need to take a valium. and... since then... i've been a lot more intentionally kind and accepting to the people who were involved.

and...

it is paying off.

:-)

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kimmydawn said:
In the eight years I had with ex-therapist, there were many similar times. He was blown away and thrilled when I would tell him how something so little helped so much. It also helped to show him that most every word can mean something...

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kimmy, thanks, I need to be sure and tell T about this next week. It must indeed be very gratifying for the T's to hear us report back to them on the successes and healing they helped us achieve. It's a way I can say thanks to my guy, who is so great.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The cool thing is that, there were just as many times for ex-t as there was for me. He would stop the convo many times to explain how something I'd just said gave him a way to "click" my experience in his understanding.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Very cool. At my last session we also had such an instance. I said something to him near the start of the session that kind of blew him away and made him pause. I myself didn't think it was that significant. He didn't say anything but returned to it near the end of our session and told me how it had affected him.

ECHOES, that is fantastic RE your insights into your brother and how you have reconnected with him.

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What a great idea for a thread :-)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thanks, alexandra! I love reading the positive as well as the challenges.

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i've been a lot more intentionally kind and accepting to the people who were involved

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Amazing. Thanks for sharing.

sunny

[phillygirl]

This is a great thread!! I was thinking something similar after last week's talk too. I'm having a major life dilema about work and a life outside of work, changing careers and everything is all in an uproar. But I'm handling it and that is surprising to me. There's a meltdown here and there but I can deal this time.

She said something about how much progress it is to hear me say I want certain things in my life now. As opposed to how terrible I talked before and figured my life would always be unendurable. She said I couldn't have talked to her about wanting to have more in my life than work and just existing. Those are things people as beaten down as I was don't say. I hadn't made that connection and it made me feel really good that I am doing things better for real.

In my head, I always wonder if I'm just playing along and pretending to feel better. But that was just an offhand, honest discussion and I didn't have any thought about if I 'really' felt that way or not. So I guess I do see the difference is real. And it's important to me now to take care of myself in regards to work, which is a totally new thing for me. I'm so glad she pointed that out.

And I'm glad of this discussion! I hope we can keep more stories going!

[cajun]

(((((((((((sunrise))))))))) Great post

[Perna]

I still have my T's "voice" in my head saying, "Not with THAT attitude!" and apply it often/when I get stuck :-) It reminds me that I can change my attitude and perspective.