I've only just begun....

I am amazed at what has come out of me in therapy already. I'm not one who finds it easy to talk to people. I started therapy for things happening currently in my life, but she's teaching me that in order to help the "now" stuff, we have to start from the beginning. There has been a lot of trauma in my life, starting as a child. T has me talking about things I didn't think I wanted to ever bring up, I'm amazing myself how much I have opened up in the short time I've known her. I'm also amazed how important things are that I happen to mention, not thinking it's a big deal, but she sees it as something very important to know. I'm amazed how much she "gets" me in a short period of time, she already knows me better than I know myself. She hits the nail on the head with everything she says.

I fear this long road ahead, but am comforted knowing that the first person ended up being the "right fit" for me. The power she seems to have to bring things to the surface just amazes me. I'm NOT this open. But feel myself being an open book with her. I'm comfortable. Nervous, but comfortable. I know that doesn't make sense....

I cried for the first time yesterday....but managed to really hold back. Instead of a full out cry where ya can't even talk, I just had some tears and a shaky voice.....I never feel more vulnerable than when I cry in front of someone. But, I think she's a perfect fit. Nearly half my life is over....and just now, I'm starting to deal with the skeletons in the closet. It's scary as hell, but I feel hopeful. I just wanted to share.

The only unfortunate thing is that I see her for 50 minutes once a week. It takes me half that time to get comfortable and really talking, and the time just flies too fast.

Could you ask for longer appointments for now?

But also, I think that once you get to know her better, the opening up will take less time and 50 minutes will probably be plenty. It can be overwhelming once you get into the middle of dealing with your crap to have anything longer than an hour.

I don't know why I'm "afraid" to ask if I can get longer appointments. I don't know that she offers them, and I know she has a very busy (private) practice. I've hinted around at it... but that's also one of my flaws....hinting rather than just saying it. Maybe she's waiting for me to ask. That would be part of my "therapy...." lol

I've only had four sessions so far, so I agree, HazelGirl, that eventually I won't have this feeling of "unfinished business" after each session. We're still in the "getting to know you" phase, I'd say. I don't know how long that typically takes..... but there's a lot to hit on yet.

She has been very good at letting me Email between sessions, so I have done so, telling her things I'd rather not say in person. But I don't want to take advantage of that either.

I know what you mean about half my life is over... I started therapy with current t at 49! I'm going to be 52 next month and realize in some ways I'm just beginning....

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I sort of feel the same way, and I'm only 22. I feel like I needed help at a much younger age, but I didn't have the chance to. I wonder who I could have been if I didn't go through what I went through, or if I had gotten help a long time ago.

Hi Musing...

Glad you posted...sounds like things are going so very well and you have a very wise and compassionate T who is a great "fit" for you...
It is indeed vulnerable to tell one's story, but it is also healing as you have one to share the "load" of the memories and help you to interpret them or re-interpret them in a different light and importance.
Therapy can be life-changing at any age and I'm so very happy for you that you have started the process. Never be ashamed of your feelings and if you need to cry...let it out...don't hold it in. That is never helpful...
I love your honesty and open heart and open mind...they are wonderful gifts and will serve you very well...

PS...some therapists don't offer longer appts but may easily consider twice weekly appts when working really hard or getting to know you or when you need extra support. There is almost nothing they have not heard and you are always your best advocate. Just ask how you can get the extra support or time and let her guide you. She may or may not be able to do it or may not think it's in your best interest....she will tell you. Sounds like you have a gem of a therapist!!

Gentle hugs,
Wysteria Blue

I know I'm not very well known on here yet, and I'm new to this group in general.... but I really have appreciated all of the input so far, both from my posts, and posts of other people. Wysteria, I feel I've found a great T.... I'd never gone "shopping" for one before, and I just started looking them up. She was convenient, and just her tone within her Emails made me feel like she was "the one." I am amazed that she is willing to take me on. I have a great deal of baggage that has not been dealt with.

It's scaring me to go back so far, and there are some things I find I have to Email her to tell her, and she's open to that. In fact, I Emailed her this afternoon in one of my overwhelming panic modes...and she wrote me very calmly back. And, she suggested the idea of coming in more often for a bit. She thought that would be a good idea. I do too. I'm nervous about going in, and sometimes don't want to, but I think she may be my key to becoming a person I'm comfortable and happy with. In just a few sessions, she has taught me things about myself that I didn't know. Some, I didn't even agree at first, but once I thought about it after the fact, I realized she's right. I believe her to be very wise and compassionate, and I intend to take this seriously. I may not feel like I can be fixed, but as long as she doesn't give up on me, I won't give up on my faith in her. And, I really appreciate the hug after every session. It's a nice, gentle closing to something that has been hard for me to do. Especially now, I think it would be beneficial to see her more often..... simply because my life gets stressful this time of year anyway, and I have more time and flexibility.

I have to say, Wysteria, I have enjoyed your posts.

One thing I have found that I wish we could see on these boards....male/female and general age range. There are just some posts where I really wonder.... (BTW, I'm female and 40-ish.)