[InRealLife45]

For those of you who have been sexually abused or raped- how do you talk about it in session with your therapist? I can write it-I can can always write it.

But I just cant seem to verbalize it in the room with her, and if I try I decompensate into complete silence and crying. I don't know how to get to a place where I can use my words without falling apart.

I think to start with - ANY way you can communicate it should be acceptable. But eventually - I would hope you can discuss it without too much pain. After all - YOU did nothing wrong, your attacker did.

[someone321]

I started last week and today I disclosed some pretty ugly stuff like what he was saying to me during etc... I don't know how I do this, I just say it, I cut all emotions from my words... And my T is pretty well trained so she knows how to handle me... E.g. today... She asked how we'd proceed and I said that I'd continue my story... So she looked in her notebook and recalled most important things from the last session... And that brought me already to the right "mood", so I just continued... But I know that it is not common, just to talk...
And how did I start last week? I waited so many years that my T simply had to stop me from saying it at the first session... I guess I am just crazy

First I wrote it and gave it to him in session, or sent emails. Then he would talk about what I wrote and discuss shame and how the shame wasn't mine. He actually did most of the talking in some of those sessions. The first time I really talked about it in any detail, I was actually whispering and he sat next to me on the couch so I didn't have to worry about him looking at me. It very, very slowly gets easier.

[sweepy62]

Well right now my t and I are doing this suds hierarchy thing for csa before we go into csa exposure, where I tell my story specifically, I had more than 1 perpetrator, so we drew a staircase representing each step for events and so forth, for when im ready.

right now we are working on what I was taught growing up, and how that impacted me, she says that will help ease the way to csa talk.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Well right now my t and I are doing this suds hierarchy thing for csa before we go into csa exposure, where I tell my story specifically, I had more than 1 perpetrator, so we drew a staircase representing each step for events and so forth, for when im ready.

right now we are working on what I was taught growing up, and how that impacted me, she says that will help ease the way to csa talk.

sweepy, is that something you physically drew? would i be able to see it? it sounds like a good idea.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

sweepy, is that something you physically drew? would i be able to see it? it sounds like a good idea.

You mean the staircase? Yes I drew the staircase and on every step is the perpetrator and it says event ect.. guilty about xyz ect all on steps then lets say step 3 perp 2 and event without specific s and then what makes me guilty ect.. other steps are for other csa related stuff. Is that what u r taljing about?

[sweepy62]

You could pm if you would like.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

You mean the staircase? Yes I drew the staircase and on every step is the perpetrator and it says event ect.. guilty about xyz ect all on steps then lets say step 3 perp 2 and event without specific s and then what makes me guilty ect.. other steps are for other csa related stuff. Is that what u r taljing about?

yes, exactly. I think id like to do one with my t.

[Solepa]

I am just talking about these things in my therapy right now. I have the opposite problem thought. I can talk about it with not much problems but my emotions are just very much shut off. Which means I can talk but it is not healing as it doesn´t change anything for me the pain is still all inside me somewhere behind a lock in a black box or something.
I would just recommend taking really small steps and doing what you are more comfortable with first like drawing, writing, talking about it in more general terms?

I wish you all the best in your recovery

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by Solepa

I am just talking about these things in my therapy right now. I have the opposite problem thought. I can talk about it with not much problems but my emotions are just very much shut off. Which means I can talk but it is not healing as it doesn´t change anything for me the pain is still all inside me somewhere behind a lock in a black box or something.
I would just recommend taking really small steps and doing what you are more comfortable with first like drawing, writing, talking about it in more general terms?

I wish you all the best in your recovery

I don't have any major trauma but I do share this problem. It's very frustrating and I have no idea how to break through it. I think if you can just be there with your feelings, even if you can't do a thing but cry and shake, you've already made a huge step forward.

[ThisWayOut]

I've found it easier with her starting in a direction, , and then just going with it. We also incorporate art and the like (she works at an assault center, so the stuff is really available. They mostly use it with kids, but the adult clients can use it too). I've found it's much easier to communicate it in that way, it opens up the words, or it allows for a different way of communicating.

[growlycat]

Trust needs to be there before starting trauma work. If you can't talk about it, then part of you is trying to tell you something.