[HazelGirl]

I have been struggling a lot recently, because of changes and different things going on, along with a lot of trauma problems.

And my T suggested again today that maybe I could try EMDR after I told her near the beginning of this year that I didn't want to. And it makes me worried that she might be giving up on me, like she thinks things aren't effective. It's hard and I have times where I am really overwhelmed and feeling like the emotions will never end. And in those times, I can say some pretty hopeless things, like I feel like I am not improving and like this is an impossible process.

But I do think that it does have some positive effect, and will continue to have positive effects. But I am scared she is tired of trying to fix me and doesn't want to try anymore. And I am already struggling a lot today, so this is just making things worse.

[unlockingsanity]

I had a similar experience when I had a therapist pushing me into a different type of therapy and a different therapist because my T didn't know if he was being effective and he was planning on leaving his practice.

I don't want to frighten you by that. I just want you to know that I understand the situation you are in and how you are feeling.

It could be a good idea to sort of have a progress-report type of conversation where you discuss what is working and what isn't working in your therapy. Maybe it's time to reassess (or make) your goals to better focus your therapy on improvement.

When you understand where you're at and where you want to go, you can better create a sense of control and mastership over your therapy.

[junkDNA]

i dont think she is giving up on u. my T wanted me to do EMDR too but i told him i was too scared. i dont think by her offering a different technique means she is giving up.

[HazelGirl]

She's not really pushing me. More suggesting it when I feel frustrated and overwhelmed. But that's the absolute worst time to mention it because I'm more scared she is just giving up. And I doubt she's going anywhere, but even if she did, I would go, too. She's not in a clinic and she loves being a therapist, so nothing would stop me from going with her to somewhere else unless she didn't want me to.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i dont think she is giving up on u. my T wanted me to do EMDR too but i told him i was too scared. i dont think by her offering a different technique means she is giving up.

Thank you. I'm just scared right now. I don't want to do EMDR, and I am afraid that refusing it several times will make her give up because I am being resistant to the treatment methods she suggests.

Some years back, my T offered/suggested that I might consider seeing someone different. I was in a bad spot and was pretty stuck. He wasn't trying to get rid of me. He wasn't giving up on me. He wasn't tired of me. He just wanted me to feel free to consider options.

I suspect your T is just reminding you that there is that option, and apparently she thinks it might be a way to get through this stage differently for you. It isn't about her giving up. It is just about her caring and providing options that might be helpful.

[junkDNA]

ive felt too that my T was giving up on me. we've had talks before when i was really stuck in the same patterns that he was worried he wasnt effective for me and maybe i should see a different T. those talks always hurt my feelings cuz i thought it meant he was abandoning me and that i was too sick for him. i most always told him how i interpreted it. but now i realize that he just wants the best for me and for me to succeed in life and he is doing the right thing by wondering if he is effective or not because it wouldnt be right to keep seeing me if i wasnt getting anywhere or making progress. ive messed up a lot of times in the 4 years ive been seeing him and every single one of those times i ask him if he hates me and wants to give up on me and every single time tells me that he does not hate me, that sometimes he gets frustrated but he is not going to abandon me. so i would suggest u bringing up how u interpret these things ur T is suggesting to get kind of a reality check on where she truly is coming from.

Maybe it's a good idea to have a moment of evaluation? Just to mention where you think you're at and how you really feel this therapy is going and then she can do the same.
It could be a starting point to talk about it again, but also for you to mention that you really think it does work (despite the fact that you sometimes tell her it's not), no?

I once told my T how I felt about my sessions. I knew there wasn't a lot she could do for me. Only listening, as my problem at the time was rather medical. I could imagine how it must be frustrating for her and because I wondered whether she thought she could make a difference there, I brought it to the table. I think it was a good idea after all.

T's are also only human beings you know. Sometimes they might doubt themselves I guess. Maybe that's where her reaction comes from. Then why not giving it a try to reassure things a bit?

Just an idea... ;-)

[HazelGirl]

I don't know what to do. I feel stupid and foolish for trying to open up to her. I feel like I am being rejected and abandoned by her because I am not improving fast enough. I don't want to deal with this trauma anymore. I hate that I need her and can't just walk away when I feel upset, yet I also don't want to ever see her again. I want to just give her all my feelings, good and bad, and walk away and live life numb. At least I'm not in pain that way. Or take them all and lock them back up in a chest with padlocks and chains and then get rid of the keys, never open them up again. I am an idiot for thinking she could ever care, for considering the possibility that things could get better, and for wasting my money and time trying. I hate myself and my stupidity, and for not learning from my past well enough. All this pain is what I get for trying to change anything. I'm a failure and I need to just learn to accept my lot in life.

[sweepy62]

I know what you mean but once you open those can of worms in therapy , there is no way of locking them up.i have tried it doesn't work.

As far as emdr it's just another therapy approach that t thinks is in ur best interest. I was offered emdr I declined .

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[SoupDragon]

It's strange what thoughts we create for ourselves in those times of overwhelm. Has your T taught you any techniques in grounding, mindfulness? I know for me at such time it can be difficult to do mindfulness, but when I can, it does help.

Feelings always do pass Hazelgirl, hope you can be patient with yourself until then.

Soup

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is constantly pushing DBT. I have plenty of thoughts about that. There are no DBT groups in my area "yet", but I will go when there is one.

I, too, at first thought she was rejecting me. She saw me starting to tear up, and she asked why. I blurted out that she's rejecting me. Long story short, she wasn't.

Talk to your T about your concerns.

[Freewilled]

I was offered EMDR and declined, too. Pretty sure I offended my T but you know what? The part of me that shocked myself when I blurted out "No!" like my life depended on it was protective. Protecting me. And I think it was the right choice for me at the time, as we were only a few months into therapy.

I agree with the reassurance thing. I reassure my T a lot lol I never really thought of it as reassuring him per se, but that's what I'm doing. I just come out and tell him that I feel it's helpful. I tell him I appreciate him. I try to tell him if something positive happens outside of therapy, too. Although I find that a bit harder to do for off topic reasons.

I believe Ts are human so it's important that they know not only what isn't working, but what is.

[HazelGirl]

Now that it has been several hours, I'm in a sort of different state of mind. I know you are all correct that she probably isn't giving up on me, because although I can't see my progress when I'm really upset, she still can. And so I know she knows things are helping, just slowly.

I think her suggestion was more so that I had an option to move things more quickly than they are going. I don't want them to move more quickly because I am worried about feeling overwhelmed by them. Either way, though, they are moving. And she has told me a million times that it just takes time and so I will need to just be patient with myself.

[Perna]

I just think she thinks EMDR might help you feel better sooner, not that she is giving up on you. I think you can go as fast/slow as you want but if my T knew a method that might help me, I think she'd be negligent for not suggesting it? Yes, you said earlier you did not want to try it but maybe at some point you will. I know my T suggested maybe I wanted to try meds a couple times during my therapy even though I never did. It's just another tool, not a comment on how well you are doing or how she feels about helping you, etc.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Perna

I just think she thinks EMDR might help you feel better sooner, not that she is giving up on you. I think you can go as fast/slow as you want but if my T knew a method that might help me, I think she'd be negligent for not suggesting it? Yes, you said earlier you did not want to try it but maybe at some point you will. I know my T suggested maybe I wanted to try meds a couple times during my therapy even though I never did. It's just another tool, not a comment on how well you are doing or how she feels about helping you, etc.

Yeah, I think you're right. And maybe at some point I will change my mind. But that hasn't happened yet.

[Perna]

I would not want to do EMDR either, feel I would find it too "personal". I know T tried to get me to breathe with her and I could not do that