[Chartres]

I have lots of anger and rage which I know I need to deal with. Most of it is related to csa and directed towards my parents but right now I also have some anger towards T for how he has/has not responded to me.

I don't know how to appropriately express this anger during therapy. I have said "I am angry" or "I feel angry" but this type of calm statement does not shift the anger for me. What I really want to to is yell and scream.

But when I so much as raised my voice with a previous T, she told me that she would not work with me if I couldn't control my anger. So I'm afraid that current T will terminate me if I really get angry. But since I am thinking about leaving him anyway, maybe it doesn't matter.

How do you express anger during therapy? How does your T respond?

I have shouted at him a couple of times. We discussed what was "okay" in therapy, and yelling is definitely within his realm of acceptable. He said a client once threw books at him, and he told her she had to leave, but could come back for the next appointment. So apparently I can throw **** at him. LOL.

[HazelGirl]

Maybe you can tell your T all of your fears around anger and expressing it, so he can reassure you it's okay?

I don't have much anger (yet). I think part of that is that in my mind, anger means being out of control, and I don't allow myself to become out of control.

[Leah123]

Well, I have yelled at my therapist a couple times and yelled in general several others. I'm not proud of it, but she didn't leave me, she didn't really seem too fazed, actually, and she accepted my subsequent apology with very good grace. It is hard to control anger for some of us, I mean, it's the primary issue that brought me to therapy, and she knew that going in, so... I think it's a lot to expect for that anger to never manifest imperfectly.

However, what I have found more fulfilling in terms of my anger when words weren't really enough was physical acting out. My therapist says anger is energy that needs release and she encourages clients to do that. She's even given me some examples of how she's done that. I, for example, find it really catharctic (and pretty harmless) to take a steel pipe I had handy from the basement and demolish a bunch of cardboard boxes.

I'd tried smashing glass too, which some recommend (or plates) but managed to cut myself. I actually found the boxes even more satisfying: you might try letting your anger out in some physical way, whether it's breaking things, exercising, using a punching bag, etc.

Nothing wrong with anger, the only issue is how we channel it.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm really sorry to hear about your previous T - therapy is a place where you should get help to express anger, not be suppressed like that.

I would start by telling your T about what the previous one said and seeing what reaction you get.

[doyoutrustme]

Originally Posted by Chartres

I have lots of anger and rage which I know I need to deal with. Most of it is related to csa and directed towards my parents but right now I also have some anger towards T for how he has/has not responded to me.

I don't know how to appropriately express this anger during therapy. I have said "I am angry" or "I feel angry" but this type of calm statement does not shift the anger for me. What I really want to to is yell and scream.

But when I so much as raised my voice with a previous T, she told me that she would not work with me if I couldn't control my anger. So I'm afraid that current T will terminate me if I really get angry. But since I am thinking about leaving him anyway, maybe it doesn't matter.

How do you express anger during therapy? How does your T respond?

omg, I have had this conversation with T a million times. I can't get angry there. The kicker is, I do get angry, just I don't know or feel it until I get home. I have told him I want to get mad and yell but he doesn't let because somehow he's too nice and it won't happen. He was amused and clarified that the only way I'm going to break-through in therapy is if he mistreats me. I'm like, yeah, pretty much! He won't do it! Gahh.

[melania]

Last session I wanted to throw pillow on him and hit him
But I didn't do it.

I have never really expressed anger with my T in any way that felt particularly meaningful. I am very bad at expressing anger in general - it was completely forbidden for me to do that when I was growing up, and I was always very scared of signs of anger in other people. A few tims I have told T afterwards that I was angry with in in a previous session, or after a previous session. Once or twice I have managed to tell him that I am angry with him in the moment. He has told me that he sees it as a very positive thing that I can tell him that. But it doesn't feel as if I'm actually expressing the anger, I'm just talking about it dispassionately.

My T has said that the only thing that is out of bounds is physical violence. He won't send me away for shouting at him. But I cannot imagine ever doing that. (I can't imagine shouting at anyone!)

[Willowleaf]

Mine has spent years trying to encourage me to shout at her as I have a real problem with expressing anger. As long as I don't physically hurt her she is fine. I don't however! I would have the conversation about what is appropriate and accepted.

[Perna]

Anger is a secondary emotion that tells us when we have been hurt/had something taken from us. Just saying, "I feel angry," without elaborating on what you feel angry about so the other person can engage with you and either help you resolve the problem you are angry about or confirm that you have reason to be angry and may want to think of how to protect yourself from problems like "this" in the future, cannot help much?

When you feel angry at your T's response, right then say, "Whenever you say (whatever T said, quote it), I feel like you are not telling the truth/you are not speaking in a way I can understand/you are minimizing my pain (whatever you feel is going on) and that makes me angry. I feel like either lashing out or shutting down. (whatever you feel like doing -- yelling and screaming?)"

Anger is an expression of a problem and your tone/expression of it tells the other person it is important to you and they should stop everything and attend/work with you on this. The response you get from the other person helps you decide what to do next. Hopefully the other person helps you clear up any misunderstandings or elaborates on their response so you understand where they are coming from and agree that is a valid place and/or your perception was wrong, etc. or perhaps the other person does not care or cannot help you and then you know you need a plan to address the problem you are having on your own. If you are at a job for a long time, for example, and another person who has been there a shorter period of time gets the raise/promotion, etc. then you go talk to management about why you were overlooked and then decide to correct problems they may have pointed out in your work or go get more education like the person they promoted had, or change jobs because they aren't the sort of management you wish to work for (promoted by favoritism alone), etc. Just "being" angry or yelling and screaming at someone can't solve the underlying problem. Both sides have to work together or the side that is angry (the side which has a problem, which is why they are angry) has to figure out "Plan B" for themselves so "next time" there isn't a problem in "this" spot again. In other words, you don't keep letting yourself get "beat up" and angry about it, you "do" something. If the other person can't/won't help you then you have to leave them or have them thrown in jail, etc.

With my old therapist of seven years I never, ever expressed anger in or out of session. I'm not so sure that was healthy.

With my new one I could see that it might be easier.

[Parley]

I haven't been angry in therapy. I've spoken of my anger but that's never been a problem and i'm generally fighting back the tears.

My therapist tried to get me to say what I really feel but when I am feeling it~ she won't need to encourage it. She might even have second thoughts.

We're working on it but I think the goal is to release it in a controlled environment. Personally, I kind of like the idea of saying what I feel. It keeps me out of confusion. I do not know if that will work when I am feeling the hate but we shall see.

I'm thinking most therapist expect some anger.

Hm... We have an alter who is always very angry and mean, and she started hitting T and she had to restrain her for a while. She just gets angry and starts swinging, thats how she expresses that feeling. T was ready for it though and handled it really well.

[stopdog]

The therapist has told me that anger is the only emotion I have shown her.

[tinyrabbit]

I have a fantasy about buying loads of cheap crockery, taking it to T and smashing it with a hammer.

[CameraObscura]

One previous T practically teared up with pride and joy the first time I flipped him off and stormed out.

I haven't been mad at my current T yet. It'll happen, I'm sure.

I would hope therapists would be okay with some degree of yelling or raised voices, as long a client doesn't verbally abuse them. For those of us who were never allowed to be angry when we were kids, it might be valuable. I don't know. Healthy anger expression isn't my strong point.

My T says he can tell I have a lot of anger, but his words are still kind of bouncing off of me.

[rainboots87]

I shut down. Which is probably not the best method. Talking it out has been helpful afterwards, though.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by CameraObscura

One previous T practically teared up with pride and joy the first time I flipped him off and stormed out.

I haven't been mad at my current T yet. It'll happen, I'm sure.

I would hope therapists would be okay with some degree of yelling or raised voices, as long a client doesn't verbally abuse them. For those of us who were never allowed to be angry when we were kids, it might be valuable. I don't know. Healthy anger expression isn't my strong point.

My T says he can tell I have a lot of anger, but his words are still kind of bouncing off of me.

This reminded me how very happy and encouraging my therapist was when I expressed anger, even when it was not clean, even when I was indirect. From there, it got easier.

You know, I'm sorry your first therapist couldn't help you with it, but that doesn't mean your current one won't be like mine or the many others mentioned here.

[Raging Quiet]

My T gives me a large pillow to punch. She also suggested we go to the beach and throw stones into the sea.I wrote long letters to the people I was angry at and read them out to her, making sure I used every swear word about 15 times!!

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

My T gives me a large pillow to punch. She also suggested we go to the beach and throw stones into the sea.I wrote long letters to the people I was angry at and read them out to her, making sure I used every swear word about 15 times!!

This sounds very cathartic. Did you ever go to the beach?

[melania]

My t likes when im angry

[Solepa]

I am a person with not many emotions going on inside of me so I did not get into situation where I would get angry or cry or something like that in therapy (YET). But we are working on getting in touch with these and letting them out so I am sure it will happen.
For that case my T has a boxing bag in her office (she is also body therapist so there is gym stuff like exercise ball, mat etc.) She said that pillows are not enough for some people as they like to feel more resistance when hitting something.
She actually encourages people to express emotions which includes anger of course. She lets clients scream and hit stuff and you know pretty much have a huge temper tantrum right there. She just would not allow clients to direct it at her so no verbal or physical anger is allowed to her personally outside of usual respectful contact between adults.

[AllyIsHopeful]

I would let it out occasionally, never yell but get very defensive and sometimes attacking/accusing. It caused problems. Finally I told her sometimes I need to be mad and angry and work through those feelings...I need to be allowed to experience them in a safe and accepting environment. I asked how I could go about this without causing problems and she said when I first come in, tell her I'm feeling angry or need to be angry today, and that we will figure out a way together for me to express that anger.

I haven't done this much yet for the same reason you mentioned. It's not the same having to explain or announce it beforehand and not as therapeutic as being angry in the moment.