[InRealLife45]

I was falling asleep listening to my last session, and these thoughts were running through my head, so I woke up to write them down before I don't understand it anymore. I need to be able to write this in such a way to get my point across AND not be blaming, and I think this sounds blaming. Can someone help me reword it so I can talk to my T about it without putting her on the defensive?

Thoughts:
It’s like I have (had) these deep beliefs that I didn’t even realize I had (as evidenced by my constant questioning of you), until something happened between us (the monday night session) that violated that mental image, and then completely shattered it. Like I had a sense of my place in the world, or my place in your “therapy world,” and then I felt shoved out of place with the force of a mack truck, left reeling bc I don’t understand how to incorporate this new information into the introject I had of you (got from you) before. I don’t know how to merge them and adjust. So instead they coexist uncomfortably side by side, and everytime something happens that I perceive as incompatible, the original introject takes the hit and more splintering occurs, and I understand how to handle it even less bc I can’t wrap my head around how it’s possible that this is happening? It feels like an impossibility, a violation at the very core of my being and I am unable to reconcile it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

If you want it to sound less "blaming", use more "I feel..." statements. Take ownership for your perception. Saying "you do" or "you did" might make a person feel defensive. If you are going to say what a person "did" be very specific sticking to facts and not thoughts/feelings.

But you should write it yourself... It needs to be in your words if it's meant to be sincere.

[blur]

honestly, i think if you bring up this introject stuff that was mentioned on your other thread it is going to turn into the blame game, and you and your T will just get into another argument. i think you'd be much better served by talking about your "accidental" email or brainstorming with your T a way to move forward in your treatment.

[growlycat]

Wondering if listening to your sessions are just re-traumatizing at this point.

[stopdog]

I don't think it matters what you do - she is so defensive and unreceptive to you I cannot imagine you being able to do anything to get her to respond differently to you if you try to tell her how you feel.

[unaluna]

Im sorry i didnt see the video. I yelled at my t for 3 years before i started saying yes to him, so i dont agree with the others that you necessarily have to quit her immediately. A t HAS to experience countertransference - its how they know what WE are feeling. So its not necessarily a bad thing. Peter Giovacchini was a good read for me when i hit this stage in my therapy.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by blur

honestly, i think if you bring up this introject stuff that was mentioned on your other thread it is going to turn into the blame game, and you and your T will just get into another argument. i think you'd be much better served by talking about your "accidental" email or brainstorming with your T a way to move forward in your treatment.

I wrote this before that was posted on the other thread, actually. I don't tend to talk much in therapy lately, so this week I've written down EVERYTHING that I would normally have emailed her so I can read it to her in session so we have something to talk about. It maybe too much material, or it may be too little material, but my understanding of things is...fluid and shifting, so I want to bring all of my ideas/thoughts in with me and go from there. I can;t go in with nothing bc that's a great way to create silence or say the wrong thing bc I have a hard time keeping my head on straight in conversation.

Originally Posted by growlycat

Wondering if listening to your sessions are just re-traumatizing at this point.

Usually I just listen to the ones that make me feel good, but today I am listening to the last three bc they're the ones that are on the table so to speak...

[Lauliza]

I agree that you should focus on the email you accidentally sent her that seemed to articulate what you are experiencing so well. If you start using this type of psycho-language, I agree with Scarlett that it may not sound "real" and will likely put her on the defensive. Anything you say at this point on this topic will probably do the same. At any rate, I think discussing that email will be your best shot at a productive discussion and not the same circular one you've been having.

[Perna]

Yes, I agree with others, I would drop the psychobabble; I'm not sure you are understanding introject properly which I think would be frustrating to your T since it is a therapist's word not a patient's ("where the subject replicates in itself behaviors, attributes or other fragments of the surrounding world, especially of other subjects." ~Wikipedia) Your T is not doing anything to you, you and your head/thoughts seem to be doing a number on you and there's no seeming way for anyone else/your T to get in there and help.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Perna

Yes, I agree with others, I would drop the psychobabble; I'm not sure you are understanding introject properly which I think would be frustrating to your T since it is a therapist's word not a patient's ("where the subject replicates in itself behaviors, attributes or other fragments of the surrounding world, especially of other subjects." ~Wikipedia) Your T is not doing anything to you, you and your head/thoughts seem to be doing a number on you and there's no seeming way for anyone else/your T to get in there and help.

I changed the word to mental image/concept.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

I changed the word to mental image/concept.

I still think you need to change more than the literal wording. I think it's wise to stay away from discussing anything using psychological theory with your T and be direct. If you have trouble talking then writing something up beforehand is a great idea. In any conversation, even with a therapist, you'll end up sounding like a text book using such terminology. It's not because your T or anyone on PC doesn't understand, but because it's not how most sincere human conversation really flows. At least not a productive one. IMHO, this would end up another circular, unproductive dialogue with your T, because as soon as you start delving into this to explain her behavior, a wall might go up.

So if you really want a change, whether it be by leaving this T or attempting to get her to understand you, then you need to make an effort to express yourself in a clear, non-confrontational way. Otherwise she will only get more defensive and the sessions will continue on as they are. The email you posted was perfect, so I'm curious why you would not want to use that?

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I still think you need to change more than the literal wording. I think it's wise to stay away from discussing anything using psychological theory with your T and be direct. If you have trouble talking then writing something up beforehand is a great idea. In any conversation, even with a therapist, you'll end up sounding like a text book using such terminology. It's not because your T or anyone on PC doesn't understand, but because it's not how most sincere human conversation really flows. At least not a productive one. IMHO, this would end up another circular, unproductive dialogue with your T, because as soon as you start delving into this to explain her behavior, a wall might go up.

So if you really want a change, whether it be by leaving this T or attempting to get her to understand you, then you need to make an effort to express yourself in a clear, non-confrontational way. Otherwise she will only get more defensive and the sessions will continue on as they are. The email you posted was perfect, so I'm curious why you would not want to use that?

I am using that. Along with everything else I've written since Wednesday. Might not get to it all, but I need to have it ready so I can stay on point.

[Freewilled]

Is it just me, or does it seem kinda backwards that you are the one needing to walk on eggshells so as not to offend your T or send a wall up

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Is it just me, or does it seem kinda backwards that you are the one needing to walk on eggshells so as not to offend your T or send a wall up

No, it's not just you Freewilled!! The therapist is supposed to be the one who stops the re-enactment, re-framing it for examination/discussion. I was thinking the same thing.

[sailorboy]

I didn't read the whole 16 page prior thread but does she know you tape sessions?

[Lauliza]

I'm only suggesting ways for you to drive the session because you won't leave this T, even though it seems like you've gone as far as you can in therapy. If you don't want to change T's then maybe you can try to manipulate the dynamic. Of course she is supposed to be the one doing this, but she's not and it doesn't seem like she's going to.