[jacq10]

So i had been seeing my T since September, but the whole time i never really felt like it was working how i'd imagined it ... and I know i can't compare this relationship with my previous one, but i can't help it because i miss my old T so sooooo much. anyways, now i feel like a horrible person, and the response that i got back from here was less that comforting .... now i'm not sure if i should see another one, or just stop right here. I feel like i have nothing left to say, yet i still feel all of these things, but i feel like i've beat them to death or something. I guess i just dont know if its worth it, besides i dont want to have to start all over again

[lenjan]

It is possible still to have the feelings AND to be done talking about them. That's kind of how I feel about some of the stuff I've done in therapy. You've had the experiences that you've had, good or bad, they never go away -- but therapy can teach you how to look at them in a different light.

If you've worked on stuff and you feel done, I'd consider yourself done. That doesn't mean you won't ever go back, but for right now maybe a break is the best thing.

(((((((Jacq)))))))

PS: Sorry your T was a jerk

[sunrise]

Jacq, sometimes we really aren't ready to work on things "right at the moment" and I think that can be OK. You have tried and it sounds like you are done for now. I just worked on something in therapy that popped up after 20 years. Now was the time. It's not like your T is saying Jacq, I think you should work some more on this. Her response sounded ambivalent. Maybe she thinks you are done too (but they hate to tell you that--they like you to make the decision).

I sympathize with what you wrote about missing your old T. (((hugs)))

Good luck.
sunny

[jacq10]

((((((((((((Candybear)))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((Sunrise)))))))))))))))))

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I'm not entirely sure if i want this to be the end of everything ... and i know part of me will be scared if i know that i don't have anyone to talk to ... i'm just more concerned about finding a new one, and if that will end up being a good fit, and just trying to get them to understand me - or as well as anyone really can!
I guess we will just have to wait and see

[growlycat]

Hi J10-
Maybe it's the T, not all you. If it is not a good fit, then feel free to move on. You may not be done with therapy, this T may not be responsive enough for your needs. Just something to consider!

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jacq10 said:
I guess i just dont know if its worth it, besides i dont want to have to start all over again

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">If you do see a brand new T, you will indeed have to start your relationship from scratch, but you don't have to go over stuff you have dealt with before with former therapists. If the new T wonders about such and such, you can just say, I dealt with that before with my former T, now I want to work on this other thing with you. I am in the middle of T #2 and he sometimes wonders what happened earlier in my journey, like he says you will be doing some grieving and I say, I did a lot of that already. (I don't need to regrieve for the same stuff with him.) And he accepts that.

Anyway, you wouldn't have to start from scratch with the new T, except for building trust with a new person.



sunny

[jacq10]

((((((((((Sunrise)))))))))))) You're right ... i guess i never really thought of it that way. I'm new with the whole switching T thing!

[JonB]

I agree with sunrise. Starting with a new T doesn't mean having to rehash everything all over again. Like giving a medical history. I joke that when you're going to a new Pdoc you should go with your med. history on a string around your neck...but it's different with therapists. You can just say, here I am now, and this is what brings me here now and lets go from here. And if he/she asks about past therapy experiences you can shrug it off or give the reader's digest version - just say as little or as much as you want. I would give it another shot though, if you want someone to talk to. I love using my T to bounce ideas off in addition to addressing the "issues". See if you can find someone you click with and if it turns out you don't really need to be there, you'll know. Good luck.

sorry i haven't been keeping up with this board as much as i'd like (damned thing called 'work') ;-)

whats up??? sorry...

what are you finding hard about your current t? is it that you really don't feel that you click / can work together or... is it that you really really really really miss your last t and are finding it hard to attach to your new t?

different t's feel differently...

but i don't see why you can't talk about your old t if that is what you would like... but then i am of the opinion that process is more important than content and that content is only important insofar as it helps with t understanding process issues and that so long as you are talking about what is on your mind...

but then different t's feel differently about that, i guess...

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((JonB))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((Alexandra_k)))))))))))))))

I decided that I am going to look into seeing a new T ... at first i was really hesitant, but more stuff has came up and now i realize how much i want to have someone in my life that is a constant for me to talk to. I emailed my old T (the one i just had) and asked her who she thought might be a good fit for me, but i have yet to hear back from her

And as for your questions alexandra, I know that it was harder for me to "click" with my new T at first because of my positive experience with my previous T ... but I'd been seeing this one for a good 4-5 months, and i just felt that she didn't understand me very well. Or she would just ask me all these questions i didn't know the answers to - making me feel really stupid, and was just ... essentially too different.

Thanks for your replies both of you ...

[(JD)]

I'm sorry that your former T didn't help you with what to DO with those feelings and thoughts and all. I hope your new T will be able to do that.

Good self care there, imo, to find a new T and try to be more comfortable with who you are

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jacq10 said:
I emailed my old T (the one i just had) and asked her who she thought might be a good fit for me, but i have yet to hear back from her

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
That must have been hard. Good for you to assess the situation carefully and follow through. I hope you can find someone that works for you. Maybe go see a few different ones for an initial interview and then choose. (They always say to choose your T that way, but I never did it.) It would be so hard to tell the T you don't want to see them anymore. In the past, I have NOT told that to 2 Ts--I just never went back. I know that is bad. Good for you to deal with the issue.

((((hugs)))

sunny

ETA: maybe I misunderstood. Did you email the original T (the one you really liked) or the most current one and ask for referrals? In any case, good luck!

[jacq10]

Sorry, i emailed the T that i had just been seeing (not the one that i really like)..

i hope all of this works out soon.........love, pat

[jacq10]

(((((((((fayerody)))))))) me too, meee tooo