[Wren_]

I'm not really sure what I'm asking exactly ... I seem to have been thinking on and off lately about the idea of change as a result of therapy ... whether it leads to short term change or long term change, or any kind at all; what it is about therapy that helps people to change.

I suppose a bigger question for me personally is what is missing in not making the changes I need to make; what I can do to overcome this; what has to happen within and outside of therapy; and a sense of personal frustration

For now, possibly I'm asking things like have you changed as a result of therapy; what helps you to change; what does your therapist do that has helped in connection to lasting or temporary change; are there things that would help that are missing from your therapy?

Sorry to be unclear but hopefully someone can understand what I'm asking

[growlycat]

I think I know what you mean! Some of my biggest changes happened so gradually I didn't notice right away.

I personally feel like I'm at the point where I'm trying to change the toughest things for me to budge. Therapy to me, in a way, is like that old saying about boiling frogs slowly--if you turn up the heat gradually enough the frogs don't jump out!!

(thankfully, therapy has better results than dead frogs)

[ScarletPimpernel]

I feel kinda the same as growlycat. My change has happened slowly. At first, I only did new things to please my T and Pdoc. Over time, I actually found that I was continuing to do it on my own.

Some of the things that T has done is simply getting me used to a topic. Example: going outside. First my T had me just think about it. Then I was to simply sit on the sidewalk. Then I had to walk around my neighborhood. I then started going out more with family and realized that was all me and not my T's suggestion. Now I'm trying to get myself used to the idea of a class or volunteer job. I also am currently working on dentists, health, and being comfortable with the idea of driving again.

What could my T do more to help? Hmm... She could get me used to being comfortable in new situations by walking with me around the building or outside (it's terrifying to me to see someone somewhere where I don't normally see them). Sometimes I wish she would push me more on difficult topics. Personally, I wish I had a little more reassurance from her. But I am still in the beginning stages of therapy...again. So I have a ton to work on. Even T joked that we won't have a shortage of topics for a loooong time

[CantExplain]

1. I have accepted much more domestic responsibility.
2. I am not angry all the time.
3. I have stopped hating my mother.
4. I am reconciled to my father's second wife.
5. I have stopped sulking.
6. I can look people in the eye.
7. I am happy a lot of the time.

[CantExplain]

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

[Wren_]

Therapy to me, in a way, is like that old saying about boiling frogs slowly--if you turn up the heat gradually enough the frogs don't jump out!!

i'm not sure if I've heard that before growly ... I can see how it happens though; thanks for understanding

that song has been in my head since reading the lyrics last night; thanks Cantexplain ... and it's so wonderful seeing the changes you've made through therapy and how aware you are of that

Scarlet, I love reading your awareness also of things that are changed, things that are changing and the directions you want to take. Also that you are able to realise things your T could possibly do that would help more. Do you think you will mention any of that to your T?

I know I've changed, am changing ... sometimes the process just seems overwhelming and the distance ahead so great

[sweepy62]

Change is very difficult for me and scary, but im learning to accept it, in therapy it has been a slow go at things, due to my therapists leaving for other jobs, and having to start over.

I have learned how to be more assertive and not guilty, but still chang in therapy for me is like walking in a 3ft deep pool filled with honey.

[CantExplain]

Therapy is a game for tortoises, not hares!
But first you must become a tortoise.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Therapy is a game for tortoises, not hares!
But first you must become a tortoise.

I'm there CE. Can't get slower at change than me!

[rainbow8]

It's a good thread, tigergirl. I'm not sure how my ts have gotten me to change. I think a lot is due to having confidence in me when I didn't. They encouraged me to take risks to enable change to happen. I used to be so afraid to talk in therapy and would never be able to identify my feelings. That changed but it was slow. I learned to express my needs and to tolerate and even enjoy hugging people. There have been many changes. Hopefully I am starting to change my pattern and will be able to work through my attachment problem. That's been the hardest to change.

[stopdog]

I do not see it as a change thing. I go to gather information and sometimes to tell a human who does not care things I don't tell real people in my life.

[SoupDragon]

The biggest thing l have gained in 4 years is accepting that l need to change. l thought l was Ok and it was just external events that had bought me to my knees, but realise it has been my reaction to the events that l need to work on.

[musinglizzy]

I've not been with my T very long.... but I went to her with blind faith...no referrals, could find no reviews online, just her website, and she met the criteria I required.

1. Female
2. Older than me... and
3. Had to be a relatively convenient drive

That narrowed people down considerably. Never even heard her voice prior to my first appointment, it was all through Emails. I have to say I am extremely happy with trusting my gut....because I think we hit it off right from the start. I feel that way anyway...and quite sure she does.

But at my age, nearly halfway through my life, I really feel guilty for not having faith in her to help me change. We'll see where this goes, and we're really still in the "getting to know each other" phase. Once she returns from vacation, I will be seeing her twice a week.

I just feel so set in my ways. I would need a complete change in personality.... and I just don't see that happening. I'm trying to have faith in her. I DO trust her. And for not being an easy person to open up to people, I've opened up with her quite quickly. She's got me figured out. It's almost scary the things she's come up with...it's as if she knows me better than I know myself. But change. I'm afraid I'll be in therapy forever, and still won't become the person I'd like to be. I'm willing to put in the effort...to try....

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I'm not really sure what I'm asking exactly ... I seem to have been thinking on and off lately about the idea of change as a result of therapy ... whether it leads to short term change or long term change, or any kind at all; what it is about therapy that helps people to change.

I suppose a bigger question for me personally is what is missing in not making the changes I need to make; what I can do to overcome this; what has to happen within and outside of therapy; and a sense of personal frustration

For now, possibly I'm asking things like have you changed as a result of therapy; what helps you to change; what does your therapist do that has helped in connection to lasting or temporary change; are there things that would help that are missing from your therapy?

Sorry to be unclear but hopefully someone can understand what I'm asking

For me the biggest changes are that I started to question things. I'm not saying 'this is just me' anymore. It's not because you've always been a certain way that you can't change this. So I keep my eyes open whenever I feel like I could get trapped in that thought.

But I'm also aware of the fact that a lot of things are changing without me really being aware of it. It's only when you look back at a certain moment that you notice that you've changed quite a lot. I think that that is the true strength of therapy, because simply 'knowing' something doesn't make it work. It's not because I know that I hide my feelings that I can, all of a sudden, show them for example. But by taking steps into that direction (encouraged by a T), you get there.

[AllyIsHopeful]

I feel the same as you regarding wondering/feeling if something is missing, and what it is. I know something is but I can't pinpoint it. Perhaps it is just that things have changed too much with the therapeutic process and relationship and things feel sorta "off" now.

One of the biggest changes I've observed in myself is my ability to be vulnerable with others and my relationships are definitely more stable. I also used to obsess and linger over issues and intrusive, negative thinking for days...Now I am able to "stop, think, and redirect" those thoughts in a fairly short amount of time. Those are the most prevalent changes therapy has helped with.

I contribute the relationship and vulnerability changes in my real life to the relationship my therapist created with me. She was and still is really sneaky with "mirroring" and discretely modeling how a secure relationship should look and feel. She has also implemented tougher boundaries in a gentle way, by emphasizing my own personal boundaries and how it is important to have them, and not feel stepped on and violated. In doing this, I gained more respect for her personal time and understood when she was not able to give me extra attention.