[Tongalee]

I had a session earlier in the week and I had a pretty bad flashback. I don't remember the actual event, but I know that it happened because I know the signs and after effects. I remember feeling light headed, and the room starting to sink in, but after that my memory is blank. Afterwards I was exhausted, and continued to slip between present reality and the past traumas. All day I would randomly get teary and if I didn't catch myself would have mini outbursts/sobs. I strained throughout work to keep myself from drowning in the memories that were flooding my mind and when I got out I feel asleep for hours.

This was exactly how I felt last time and that was a terrible flashback, awful! I had both hoped and assumed that today at our session T would discuss what happened with me and fill in the missing spots.

She didn't!! We talked about such random things! And at one point I thought she was going to say something, but instead just reminded me that she was gone the following week! I know that she knows I don't remember, she is aware that when I dissociate I have absolutely no memory of it, but I thought she would want to tell me. I need to know what happened!! Was I mean to her? Did I yell? Did I try to hurt her or leave the room? Wtf happened!!!

I know if I wanted to talk about it I should have brought it up, but I needed her to start and she never did. Note I'm stuck wondering why she didn't, if there was a reason she is keeping this from me as well as the possibility that this had happened other times and she had said nothing.

I'm venting a little, but also going to hear how others would handle this situation, esp since I won't see her for another week

[HazelGirl]

Well, I wouldn't call that lying. Maybe she thought you were embarrassed and didn't want to talk about it? At the end of the day, it's your responsibility to bring up the things you need to talk about. Your T can't read your mind.

[NowhereUSA]

my t let's me lead the conversation - he usually starts with "what would you like to talk about?" if i've sent him some emotional emails. Otherwise we just shoot the breeze and he waits for me to bring up what's in my head. she may want you to ask about it.

do you have a way to contact her before she leaves? Maybe express that you wanted to know this?

Certainly isn't lying, and it really is your job to bring it up. It might not have been as huge a deal to her as it feels like to you. I mean, if you tend to dissociate, this wouldn't be her first time to observe that in you. I know my T and I don't go back and discuss my dissociations unless I ask to.

[Salmon77]

Maybe she thinks that you should choose what you want or are ready to discuss, without her pushing you too much? Why do you "need her to start"?

[Lauliza]

It's a difficult topic and some clients might have been upset by a T bringing it up. With something like this it is up to us to take the lead if we want to discuss it, not the therapist. Your T wouldn't know to start if you don't tell her first, so I don't quite understand why you didn't try to hint at it or something to give her a clue?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Tongalee

I know if I wanted to talk about it I should have brought it up, but I needed her to start and she never did.

You still have to say that, that you want to talk about last week but don't know how to start. She cannot read your mind. For all you know "nothing" much happened or she didn't notice (you kept talking like "normal"), etc. In therapy you have to talk about and bring up what bothers you and what you want to talk about, not what you wish bothered your T. I would have started with talking about how difficult the day at work was because of all the flashbacks, for example, what you told us here (you can tell us your difficulties but not T?)

[Tongalee]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

It's a difficult topic and some clients might have been upset by a T bringing it up. With something like this it is up to us to take the lead if we want to discuss it, not the therapist. Your T wouldn't know to start if you don't tell her first, so I don't quite understand why you didn't try to hint at it or something to give her a clue?

I gave her more than a few hints and plenty of perfect segues to talk about the last session. I even asked if there why she brought something up when it was inconsistent with what I remember and could only have been discussed because of the flashback.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Tongalee

I gave her more than a few hints and plenty of perfect segues to talk about the last session. I even asked if there why she brought something up when it was inconsistent with what I remember and could only have been discussed because of the flashback.

But you still need to take the lead. It's still your therapy and your responsibility, as difficult as it is.

[HazelGirl]

Oh, and one more thing I just thought of. She may not have wanted you to dissociate again. Sometimes talking about what caused you to dissociate can cause it to happen again, and so she may not have wanted to trigger you for a second session in a row.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by Tongalee

I gave her more than a few hints and plenty of perfect segues to talk about the last session. I even asked if there why she brought something up when it was inconsistent with what I remember and could only have been discussed because of the flashback.

it's tough to bring up the things we want, but i think that's part of therapy. learning to be able to assertively say "this is what i need." she could have read your hints as you not sure if you wanted to talk about it or not. someone else mentioned she might not have wanted to trigger anything for you. to you it seems obvious but i've found in my own life that sometimes i think i'm hinting something pretty damn hard only to discover the other person was totally reading me a different way. t's want to help. i try to remember that when I feel frustrated about my t - he's been consistently good to me in the past so i try to check the facts and consider other possibilities. often he responds well when i explain what's going on in my head and what i'm worried about in terms of his responses.

[sweepy62]

True, thats a good point hg, my t, usually wants to know how the week went, then she will pick up what we were working on last session.

[SoupDragon]

Tongalee, I can relate to how you feel and how hard it is to bring things up. We all go to therapy because we have difficulties and one of my problems is being really passive, so like you I can find it difficult to raise things on my own without T's help. Just because we know what we need to do, doesn't mean that we can do it easily - feelings aren't always logical and can't be pushed through via thought alone.

I have gone through so many sessions not saying what I want to say and then have been cross with myself afterwards. But I am learning that it is about being kind to myself and not critical that helps me move forwards.

But yes the flip side of these difficulties, is the resulting frustration of not having questions answered, or not talking about things that are burning inside and I guess we just need to be aware of this and try to find ways of doing it differently.

I wish I was as confident as others on here are in talking so openly with their T's, but as I said we all have our issues and this is one of mine.

My T encourages me to talk about the difficulties I have talking about things, rather than talking about the things themselves (if that makes sense). I wonder if as a start, you can tell your T that you do sometimes finding it difficult starting to talk about something and whether you can explore ways of getting you started?