[stopdog]

This came up in another thread on a different subject so I thought it made sense to start a new thread.

Attachment and therapists. The poll allows for multiple choices.

But it does not allow me to fix the repetitive poll choice - sorry.

[glok]

Hello, stopdog. Poll? Going for an eye exam.

Attachment has never been an issue or focus in my therapy. I am able to form healthy, secure attachments, so I have no need to work on or change my attachment style.

[kororain]

I don't know. T hasn't really talked about that. But she also seems to avoid a lot of the jargon that is super popular here. The only thing she's every said that sounded familiar was that I don't have proper boundaries. I'm sure I have some kind of attachment issue though too. Just don't know what that is.

[Petra5ed]

I had never considered "attachment" at all until therapy. Going into therapy I felt like my main issues were stress overload and major depression. After a long time in therapy, my T casually mentioned something about an attachment issue. Then I discovered I have a fearful attachment style, which is why I have almost no attachments, and probably why I'm so socially anxious. So yes, would love to change that.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by stopdog

This came up in another thread on a different subject so I thought it made sense to start a new thread.

Attachment and therapists. The poll allows for multiple choices.

As I'm not much into the topic of attachment styles, could you please specify what do you mean exactly? Like I am attached or not attached to my T or are there also other possibilities?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by someone321

As I'm not much into the topic of attachment styles, could you please specify what do you mean exactly? Like I am attached or not attached to my T or are there also other possibilities?

A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research | R. Chris Fraley
Attachment in adults - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

and a quiz:

Attachment Styles and Close Relationships

[tealBumblebee]

My attachment style is an issue for me because it is the result of my abandonment issues, the way I was raised and two personality disorders and it reflects in many of the choices I make for myself. We're not working on my attachment style in T as much as helping me understand that all relationships don't work (and end) the same.

I had to choose 'other'. Attachment as a stand alone thing isn't so much of an issue as the dynamics of a person's sense of self and overall interpersonal relationships. How a person views and relates to one's self, others, and the world is a lot more complex than what can be explained or accounted for by attachment alone.

Changing the underlying core issues that would as a default change the attachment behavior is more important to me than just changing the attachment. It will come naturally and progressively afterwards.

The attachment relationship is a vehicle of change rather than the change itself. Hope that makes sense!

[Perna]

I never paid much attention to attachment or transference. I figure they're the psychology end of the spectrum and my therapist was the psychologist, not me.

[HealingTimes]

I hate attachment in general, but working on it in therapy. I took the quiz and it says I am high in the dismissing part. Not sure what to make of that. I don't get into romantic relationships at all, as I don't like being close to people.

In therapy, my attachment style is what it is. I don't like it, I don't not like it, it just is.

[pbutton]

As much as I feel secure when I am in tdeep in the throes of being dismissive, there's no possible way that dismissive avoidant attachment is healthy. So I know I need to change it and occasionally I want to do so, but then old patterns take over and I get cranky about it.

So basically yes. And no.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by skies

Changing the underlying core issues that would as a default change the attachment behavior is more important to me than just changing the attachment. It will come naturally and progressively afterwards.

The attachment relationship is a vehicle of change rather than the change itself. Hope that makes sense!

This is probably true - change the underlying core issues and it corrects the attachment. Great insight skies

[angelicgoldfish05]

Stopdog, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I read that other thread you refer to in creating the poll, and the other person commented that you were Dismissive attachment, and that the therpist did not seem respond in ways that would be appropriate with this attachment style. You didn't comment (that I recall seeing) and I'd be interested to hear your take on that. Do you agree, disagree, or something else?

For me, I'm not sure what my attachment style is but when I was a teen, a psychologist did an assessment on me that said I had a split between really wanting connection and to be close to others, but pushing others away and not letting this happen. I thought that was intersting. Anyways, I answered I'd want to change my attachment style because I'm not in a relationship, very lonely and would like to be in one someday, but it scares the poop out of me so I don't let anything ever even come close. So I guess I voted I'd want to change my attachment, but I think after reading skies' answer, I vote for what skies said. I want to heal the core issues/underlying problems that are preventing a secure attachment to another human being who will or can actually reciprocate this (ie, not a t).

Hope that helps and best of luck to you Stopdog.

[CameraObscura]

Yes, I can see the difficulty having unstable attachment brings to my relationships and the pain it causes me. I am actively working on it.

[NowhereUSA]

my t doesn't use a lot of jargon so i don't even know anything about my attachment style. i have some issues i'm sure as i had some significant losses as a child, but i don't know anything technical about it. :P

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

my t doesn't use a lot of jargon so i don't even know anything about my attachment style. i have some issues i'm sure as i had some significant losses as a child, but i don't know anything technical about it. :P

I get that. My T isn't a jargon user either. What I have gathered about attachment and transference I've gathered from this forum, not from my therapy/therapists.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I get that. My T isn't a jargon user either. What I have gathered about attachment and transference I've gathered from this forum, not from my therapy/therapists.

my t doesn't even use the word transference. i lamented once about how attached (a word I picked up here) i felt (i don't like getting attached - i don't do it easily) and he was like, 'i'm not going to complain that you like coming to therapy.' lol (i deal with depression and i struggle with trusting people because of my history - so he likes to major on the positives). i'm still not fully sure of what transference is, like i don't feel like fatherly feelings (he's too young imo), i have a good marriage so i don't wish i was with my t (he's attractive though so i won't pretend i haven't had a fantasy here or there lol). i guess i wish we could hang as friends (and he's said that to me before, he tells me i'm fun to talk to and we share similar tastes in reading and movies so we've had times where we've talked about the latest movies or whatnot). i probably feel it more when i'm feeling super low - when i'm feeling okay i hardly give him two thoughts. i guess it might be like a doctor, who thinks about the doctor when they're not sick

but like none of that interferes with therapy so i don't really analyze it that much.

[sweepy62]

I haven't had any attachment to this t yet it's only been 5 months, I still miss my old t, i do know due to my childhood I have some sort of attachment disorder .

I do miss my t when I miss a week of therapy, as far as having someone to talk to goes. I'm not spending time thinking about her during the week, although when I'm stressing I wish I was in her office.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The only place I've ever seen attachment styles mentioned is here on PC and in articles linked from here. T has never mentioned it; we have discused transference, and affect theory, and other psychology/psychotherapy concepts so it's not that he avoids the specialised concepts (and I am grateful that he doesn't avoid them), but attachment styles have never been mentioned. I don't really believe in the model presented anyway, for two reasons: first, it seems much too simplified, and second, as I have said before I don't think that any one attachment style is inherently better, but the terms they have chosen for the styles imply that only one attachment style is acceptable.

I am attached to my T but that has nothing to do with attachment styles, as far as I am concerned.

[stopdog]

The first therapist I see now mentioned attachment to me a few times and it was the first I had heard of it. I then read some books and articles on it.

[Polibeth]

My therapist has never mentioned attachment and I don't think I have any issues in that department. I seem to form healthy attachments.

[growlycat]

T's usually don't openly discuss attachment styles but thankfully my main T has so I have a clue why he does what he does.

I think that T's assume that "secure attachment" is the ideal to be obtained, but this may not be true for everyone.

I think I am anxious/preoccupied which explains the need for praise, needing reassurance that T won't leave abruptly, the desire for acceptance and affection.

I am a bit admiring of dismissive types because they are so self-contained and self-reliant. I can be a needy mess but I'm getting better

[HazelGirl]

My T is attachment-based, so everything she does is from that perspective. I have found it very helpful for me, both to explain behaviors and thoughts, and to learn how to fix the problems.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05

Stopdog, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I read that other thread you refer to in creating the poll, and the other person commented that you were Dismissive attachment, and that the therpist did not seem respond in ways that would be appropriate with this attachment style. You didn't comment (that I recall seeing) and I'd be interested to hear your take on that. Do you agree, disagree, or something else?

The woman does stay back. It took a bit. She does not respond usefully when she talks, but I don't know if it is due to attachment style or not. She has said I should be attached to her and that I have pushed her back away from me as far as possible.