[InRealLife45]

So I was sitting beside my T tonight, my left hand holding her right, and my right elbow bent on top of her arm and my hand/wrist kind of curled over her right arm. So, the BACK OF MY WRIST (my actual hand was bent towards me) lightly touched her right boob, and honestly I didnt even notice, but she picked up the back of my wrist the way you would pick up a ****** diaper with disgust, and kind of flung my wrist away and said "don't touch my boob, thank you."

This just seemed all unnecessary, its not like I was caressing her, and it was momentary?

I am a girl. When it happened it was just so shocking and awkward (her reaction) I just didn't say anything at all, and had to really fight my inclination to pull away from her completely and ask her to go back to her own chair.

Are you male or female?

I think her response lacked tact, either way. Did you apologise and say that it was incidental contact and that you didn't even notice?

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Are you male or female?

I am a female. No I didnt say anything. I just let it go so it wouldnt become a bigger deal than she had already made it.

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

I am a female. No I didnt say anything. I just let it go so it wouldnt become a bigger deal than she had already made it.

Assuming you are heterosexual, that's even worse behaviour from her. . . she could be a lot more tactful than that. Maybe she will apologise in the next session though.

[lostwonder]

Know that this is her issue not yours. She is clearly very oversentive to having her breasts touched. (I'm nursing a toddler so I probably wouldn't have even noticed LoL.) If I were in your boat I would try to say something. Apologize for inadvertently touching her breast. Tell her about how you perceived her reaction and how you felt.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Assuming you are heterosexual, that's even worse behaviour from her. . . she could be a lot more tactful than that. Maybe she will apologise in the next session though.

I'm gay, actually, but T is a maternal figure, I'm not lusting after her boobs. The thought makes me gag.

And she will not apologize, she apologizes for nothing, ever. She's only ever sorry that I "feel that way" about whatever it is she's done, but never sorry for the behavior.

[lostwonder]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

She's only ever sorry that I "feel that way" about whatever it is she's done, but never sorry for the behavior.

Ewww what an invalidating response. I would have serious issue not calling my T on that bull.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by lostwonder

Ewww what an invalidating response. I would have serious issue not calling my T on that bull.

trust and believe, I have called her out on it, and she reinforces that she is in fact NOT sorry for __________ behavior and if she had it to do over again, she'd repeat it, but still be sorry I felt ___way about it.

You've had no positive experience with this therapist in a very, very long time. Perhaps it is time to find a therapist that will be receptive, responsive, and supportive of you. Have you been working on making that change? Hope so. You deserve more respectful care.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

You've had no positive experience with this therapist in a very, very long time. Perhaps it is time to find a therapist that will be receptive, responsive, and supportive of you. Have you been working on making that change? Hope so. You deserve more respectful care.

lol if only my insurance had a single one in their provider list.

Only one other Psy.D and we are are poor match. Even poorer than current T

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

lol if only my insurance had a single one in their provider list.

Only one other Psy.D and we are are poor match. Even poorer than current T

Why do you say that? (I don't think I remember you explaining that before.)

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Why do you say that? (I don't think I remember you explaining that before.)

I've been calling all the other providers they have. And its not true about only one other Psy.D- they have several, its just all but one is a man, and I don't do male therapists.

98 percent of their provider roster is full of MFT's and LCSW's and I just don't believe that level of education is capable of providing the care I need (as a borderline) without many years of experience, and most of their providers are new.

Maybe you need to sit down and meet some of these therapists before you discount them completely. I honestly cannot imagine they could be worse than the one you are currently with; she is damaging to you.

[bounceback]

I agree with Sierra one doesn't have to have fancy degrees in order to help you. I also have borderline and all my therapists I have had hadn't had doctorates.

Sorry you had to go through that by the way. I don't understand why she would think you would have done that intentionally. She definitely has issues.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Maybe you need to sit down and meet some of these therapists before you discount them completely. I honestly cannot imagine they could be worse than the one you are currently with; she is damaging to you.

seriously I have tried. most (agency ones) wont even talk to me, they just want me to make an appointment. I'd rather have a short chat first and see if they even work in the area I need, or are interested in adding a borderline to their client list,

a therapist who refuses to have a five minute conversation on the phone so I can see if we are even a rudimentary match is probably not going to be a match made in heaven. its a hassle to get a new authorization every time I want to have a 5-10 min chat with a new provider, not to mention theyre booked out for atr least a month in advance, making it even less practical to have to schedule an appointment just to talk to one briefly- I cant find a new T in 30 days that way. It's all ********.

one private practice one seemed ok but she has very limited availability and would not work.

They want to sit down face to face. That seems reasonable. At this point, you need to have some openness to options. Rather than making a quick judgment over the phone, it might really be a good idea to sit down for a whole session and really have time to have a real interaction with potential therapists (not just a quick drive-by). Yes, it may take some time to go through this process, but at this point, you might as well get started and try to stay open to these other therapists as options. Don't throw up barriers to help that can be perhaps overcome with a bit of time and patience and willingness to explore options.

[anilam]

I'd speak up- sorry, didn't even notice. Maybe you shouldn't sit that close to me if you're that sensitive to touch.
Obviously her issues- not a professional reaction form a T (PhD or not). Gee, I have a problem with closeness/touching (that I'm working on in therapy), so I would definitely notice and reacted- politely!- seriously, her reaction was totally uncalled for.

IDK, I'm with Chris... for me even no T would be better than this one:/

[growlycat]

Did your T explain her disgusted response? Does she deny it was a disgusted response?

I really feel for you, that is an awful way to treat an accidental brush.

Maybe you shouldn't rule out those male T's---they can be very nurturing too.

[scorpiosis37]

I think 1914sierra makes a great point. It might be time consuming ad take some effort, but that's what we all had to do when looking for the right fit with a T. I know I did! There was a time when I had 1-hour face to face meetings with 5 therapists before I selected one. It really is worth finding a better fit because being with the wrong therapist can do a lot of damage. Been there and done that as well!

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

I've been calling all the other providers they have. And its not true about only one other Psy.D- they have several, its just all but one is a man, and I don't do male therapists.

98 percent of their provider roster is full of MFT's and LCSW's and I just don't believe that level of education is capable of providing the care I need (as a borderline) without many years of experience, and most of their providers are new.

Hey inreallife I'm stodgy as all hell. I read really hard philosophy in my free time, I like Jazz music, I own several wool blazers, and I plan on getting a PhD. I'm seriously one of the headiest people I know. And I thought at first to find a good T that you needed to see someone with a PhD, but I've come to find this really isn't the case. It turns out that spending a lot of time writing a dissertation doesn't really do anything to help with your people skills.

I've been to a number of therapists at this point, and I can tell you that the whole reason that I don't trust therapy is because of something that happened with a T who had a PhD.

I'm also really quite a handful. I have my own philosophical ideas that cause me to argue and not listen to T's. I also have borderline traits. I'm pretty sure that the only reason that I'm not a full blown case is because I had some therapy in my teen years.

Anyway I see someone now who just has a masters. And I think our relationship is going really well. She's plenty smart and really thoughtful. I also feel pretty sure that she can handle most of my **** given the fact that her previous job was at a residential treatment center for adolescent boys, which she said she liked and I assume that she was good at.

The point is you just need to find a T who you feel you can trust, and who gets you as a person. Someone who is sensitive to an accidental boob touch is probably not the kind of person you want to be seeing. That really doesn't send a very caring message.

I know its hard but its worth it to call around. When ever I have done it I always make a list of questions to ask every person I call, and I think about what kind of answers I want to hear. Think of it like a job interview, and you are only going to hire the kind of person you really want. And as far as the degree thing goes, I really think that where the degree came from is way more important than what kind of degree it is. My current T has a degree from Northwestern (which probably means she's a bit smarter than the average bear, but it probably just make her a good find for me because of my extremely irritating sensibilities), but People from good state schools would probably be fine too. So if you care to be picky about education you might not see someone who went to some tinny middle of nowhere school you've never hear of, but you never know smart people come from all walks of life. So it just comes down to what makes you conformable. But being too picky about this kind of thing is going to make it hard.

You really can interview as many people over the phone as you want. And if they try to make you come in, and don't want to hear your questions, that probably means that they are not a good fit. Just let them know that you want to ask them a few things upfront, so they can let you know if they have time or not.

[iheartjacques]

Lucky you get to sit that close! The handholding I mean.

[peaches100]

Inreallife,

I also think you should seek out a new t. I know you are attached to this one, but it feels like she is damaging to you.

[HazelGirl]

Stop discounting people without giving them a chance. Really. It's judgmental of you.

Also, studies have proven that the experience of the therapist is a million times more important than the degree. A PsyD just means your T know how to do research as well as therapy, whereas a master's degree only focuses on therapy.

[NowhereUSA]

i find your t's response rather... odd. she seems very sensitive.

i'll admit that my current t has a phd and i'm spoiled on it tho how much is his degree and how much is just him being awesome at his job? i'll admit i'm biased towards the higher degrees, but if i move i would still consider someone with a masters. but i get the bias.