New e-mail agreement with T

Good luck!

Let's hope you click with the new T. Curious to see, if and what this new T's email limits are...

Good. Your current therapist lives in some sort of fantasy world where she can control all aspects of her career including the types of issues her clients present with and their exact responses to her treatment.

i'm glad to hear you have an interview with a new t. hope you click!

Yay - I'm excited for you, and a little relieved. It just seems like things have gotten worse and worse with your current therapist... I hope you click with new T, and I hope she's got tons of experience and is patient and kind and smart and helpful! My fingers are crossed for you!

That's kind of crazy... How in the world would you keep track of those crazy boundaries.

When I saw a T that had email limits it was: You may email whenever you want. I cannot always promise a return email. But I will ALWAYS email you back by Sunday, other days only if she had the time.

Easy enough.

I think freewilled got it right in her post - it feels like hopping cuz the t is trying to put a lid on things? This reminds me of yesterday's thread about losing trust, where the t started something then couldnt maintain it. Kudos to you for sticking with it and being open to comments here.

My therapist never emails me back unless Its clear I'm on crisis but he never charges me for emailing. If he charged me for every email , feel like I would go bankrupt. Because I was able to trust him over time mainly because of email. If he didn't allow email I don't think I would have been able to say as much as I have. I don't know the background but it does sound very weird that she's telling you when and when you can and can't email her.

My t doesn't allow direct contact between sessions. I can contact the practice or emergency hotlines. So I guess it's a real exercise in working to keep my **** together until the next session - only every fortnight. Ack! But at least I get things done every other week. And do something for myself. It's only an hours appt but with the morning being wound up in knots and the afternoon feeling exhausted, it feels like a whole day

I think it would be interesting if you printed out this thread and let her see just how many people think SHE is the one who is wrong here. Of course, she probably wouldn't budge. She'd probably say something like, "Well, all those people are on the mental health forum because they have mental problems. So their viewpoint is skewed!"



I continue to feel that you deserve much better treatment. Go try out the new t. I know it will be painful to leave your current t, but she seems unwilling or unable to meet your needs. And I agree that it seems like she is awfully focused on the money aspect. I mean, I understand that therapy is a service they should be paid for. But charging for each email, down to the penny? I don't know. It just feels weird to me. Also, I don't like the idea that she keeps changing her mind about what she will accept or won't accept. If you stay with her, I suggest you put the agreement down "in writing" and you both sign it.

We did that this last session and it took. 32 minutes to do. I don't want to use over half of a session every week or two when she decides she wants to change the agreement

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Just another thing you tell us about your therapist that makes me wonder what exactly it is she's doing.

I don't know.

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Your T shouldn't have used your session time to discuss this for 32 minutes. That time is for YOU, not your T and their crazy rules. I hope you try out the new T and it works out. If your T needs to discuss this again in two weeks, tell your T you want to discuss in on HER time, not YOURS.

and youre right, she wouldnt care one bit about anyone else's opinion. She usually brushes it off when I bring up stuff from here.

I hope the new T works out for you!! That email situation sounds terrible!

She is sweet but probably not a good fit for me.

How do you know? Did you see her more than once already?

no just met her today, but i told her what i want to focus on and she told me what shed prefer to focus on, and we are about fifteen percent compatible which is to say not at all.

I'm sorry. Do you mean the issues, which I thought were always determined by the client, or her orienatation? Did she say she didn't think it would work out? You have another T to check out, don't you? I hope you find someone soon.

shes an intern i dont want to be her experiment, i just want to learn mindfulness from her. exclusively.

Sorry, I remember you talking about the mindfulness before. It's a good thing to learn. Good luck! You never know; this intern may be a lot better than your T! How are you going to solve the email situation with your T? I forgot what you posted and too tired to go back and read. Do you like her in other ways, or you want to find another T?

I think it's time to move on but I'm attached to her and can't bring myself to leave

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What would it be like if you left?

Good grief.

InRealLife45, I am hoppin' mad for you. I have had a T (or 2)like your T. What I have discovered is often times when boundaries are enforced like the email boundary your T has enforced, it's because of their issues, not yours. I once had a T who wasn't great with boundaries. Usually, if a boundary violation occurred it was his own. Each time it happened more boundaries were put in place. Over time, I began to feel punished even though the "issues" were his. His boundary rules became so rigid that I could no longer work within the small confined space he left for me. He wrote later that he would miss our time together…however, I felt he had given me no choice.

I wonder if that is happening here.

Therapy is supposed to be a safe place where you can have open dialogue and work together within the relationship to find a mutually acceptable agreement. If she is unable to do this, it may be time to find a new T.