[shamon86]

I've been in therapy for about 2 years. My T has told me multiple times she won't give up on me and I still have a hard time believing her about that. I know that therapy is all about how much you put into it and I want to get better, but I've lost any will I have to try to change. I've lost any will I have to even try to live. I know it sounds weird to say all that I just feel that I've already tried to get better and nothing's worked. My T has asked me to try a new DBT program that involves group therapy, homework, and one on one sessions. I had sent her an email earlier in the week regarding my feeling and it turned out to be a jumbled mess. She texted me saying she didn't understand what I was talking about. So I thought about it some more and This is the new email that I sent her:

"I think what everything is boiling down to with my email the other night was this...

I'm not sure trying something new.... In any aspect of my life is going to make me feel better. I've had this idea in my head for a while that there was going to be 1 thing (that magic bullet) that's going to fix all of my problems. Taking a new medication, getting a new job, trying to start dating. I still have this dream that eventually getting married will fix the way I feel.
My outlook on my life and where it's heading lately is just going downhill. And I hate to tell you that because I feel like I'm disappointing you. And I know your running out of ideas to help. Or have already ran out of ideas. It's not fair for me to keep expecting something to change when I can't put 100% into anything. Including my own life. I feel like I've been put at this crossroads at my life though where I have to do something RIGHT NOW . And I'm scared that you'll terminate me as a patient for telling you that. Please don't. I can't handle another major disappointment.
But I don't see any kind of future for myself. For some reason I've never seen myself living very long. I'm at the point now where I don't necessarily want to die, I just don't want to live.

If I try this DBT program I feel like I'll fail at it. It would just be another thing that I messed up. That I'll probably have to spend money on which will just put me further into financial debt. I don't even know if this program costs anything at all. I don't know what to do. One part of me really wants to try something, but the other part says that would be stupid because noting else has worked. So I can try, and I don't know what will happen, but I will try."


I'm worried about what she'll say. I don't want to stop therapy, I like my T and the conversations we have. But I'm worried she'll say she can't help me anymore. Does it sound like I'm being hard to deal with? What do you think she'll say?

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T wants me in DBT too. I was 100% resistant to the idea. She finally came up with an analogy to help me understand.

1. It's not "group therapy". It's a therapeutic class with a small group of people.
2. How is learning new skills a negative thing?
3. The analogy:
When you see your primary doctor, s/he treats your general physical health needs. But, if you have a condition that requires a specialist (endocrinologist, orthopedic surgeon, etc.), your primary doctor is going to refer you to one.
My T is in a sense my primary doctor (psychological-wise). If she feels that I need a specialist to help me with an issue, she's going to refer me (DBT). But she's still my T.

And here's a thought: if your future goal is marriage, the more effort you put into bettering yourself now, the better partner you're going to be to the one you love

[InRealLife45]

i kind of feel the same way and wish desperately that there was a DBT group offered near me but the neareat is 1.5 hours away which is ridiculous. how can there be such demand and NO ONE IS FILLING IT?

Go to dbt. try it. what do you have left to lose? absolutely nothing. You may as well give it a try, kiddo. it could change your life and you dont even realize bc where you are right now is so dark.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by shamon86

I'm at the point now where I don't necessarily want to die, I just don't want to live.

It can be soothing to feel like we can just rest from the pressures of everyday life, that there's an eddy where we can just sit and tread water.

The problem is there is no magic cure, no one course, pill, special words T can say and our life will flow more smoothly afterward so we can cope easier and go on to achieve great things. Life is a learning experience and for most of us here I think we did not learn enough/the "right" things in the first 20 years, before we were declared "adults" and on our own. I finished with therapy when I was nearly 55. I'm going to be 64 this year and, looking back (I started therapy when I was 20) I still think that 35 years were worth "it" and the only way my life and Me could "come out"/happen and I'm proud it all came out like it did and I am who I am.

Give up on thinking about the "next big thing" and just see what you can learn from the "next" thing. I would take the CBT therapy, see what I could learn, not think of whether or not I passed/failed it (that being based on someone else's assessment since you have never taken it so can't judge whether it was a good idea for your life until you give it a try and judging it "not helpful" is about the CBT therapy, not about You!) You cannot fail on the road to becoming yourself!

But mostly I would think, "What else am I doing/trying?" The clearer you can get on what you want and work on trying to get that for yourself, is a good thing and trying anything to get more knowledge about yourself falls into being part of that good thing.

It is your choice, and you don't have to try it unless you feel comfortable doing so. DBT and group therapy are not for everybody. I don't think you should enter the programme until you have discussed it much more thoroughly with your T. (But this is my own personal point of view - I would not enter any kind of therapy that is not one-on-one, for any reason, so I am biased. But I know that it is perfectly acceptable to feel that that kind of thing won't be helpful. It's your decision, and you are in control of this.)

[growlycat]

Failure, unfortunately, is the road to success. Falling down and getting up over and over and over and over again is the way all of this works. I wish someone had clued me in when I was younger!!

There is that old cliche about how you eat an elephant…one bite at a time.
It can be overwhelming and exhausting to look at the big picture all at once. It is easier if you can break something down to smaller steps, like step 1 would be exploring DBT options and investigating the cost.

I get where you are coming from though. It can all be so overwhelming.