[sailorboy]

Yikes! I know I shouldn't judge but I always felt like T was more humble than that. Now I'm worried T drives too fast. Or is shallow. Or having a midlife crisis.

On the other hand, I now feel less shallow myself because I would never drop that much money unless it was on something practical for my family, not a sportscar.

[NowhereUSA]

but there's an assumption that his family needs something practical. his family maybe well taken care of and he simply wanted a nice car. idk. if he can afford it, why is it shallow? or a even a midlife crisis? i'd totally buy a Tesla if i could afford it

[HazelGirl]

Haha...oh that thing, transference, that assumes things about people that we don't know. It's your assumptions that cause that perception.

[glok]

Hello, sailorboy. Perhaps, you might focus on why you are in therapy rather than the car your therapist drives?

I wish you well.

[kororain]

Maybe it depends on where you live, but I don't think a $50k car is that big of a deal??? I mean, it's more than I would spend. I'm very happy with my CRV. But if someone else wants a $50k car, who cares? Maybe he does Dave Ramsey. Maybe he paid cash? Maybe he has a sugar mama? Who are we to judge?

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by kororain

Maybe it depends on where you live, but I don't think a $50k car is that big of a deal??? I mean, it's more than I would spend. I'm very happy with my CRV. But if someone else wants a $50k car, who cares? Maybe he does Dave Ramsey. Maybe he paid cash? Maybe he has a sugar mama? Who are we to judge?

haha! i love dave ramsey.

[sailorboy]

Thanks, I definitely focus on that but I'm only human and sometimes the blank slate is hard for me. My fantasy T drives a well loved Subaru.

[kororain]

What kind? Outback? Forrester? My hot-hottie drives a Forrester. It is soooo ugly, but he is soooo wonderful that I'll overlook his taste in hideous cars. Haha...

[sailorboy]

Originally Posted by kororain

What kind? Outback? Forrester? My hot-hottie drives a Forrester. It is soooo ugly, but he is soooo wonderful that I'll overlook his taste in hideous cars. Haha...

I don't really know cars too well. A practical one!

[kororain]

The outback is like a station wagon. The older Forrester looks like an ugly shoe. A really, really ugly shoe.

[NowhereUSA]

i think sometimes it can be helpful to work through other possibilities. i think deep down we all have our 'thing' that to an outsider looks frivolous, but to us, is important for whatever reason. maybe he has a long commute. a nice car on a long commute can make a huge difference. maybe he likes to go driving on the weekends to relax. maybe he and his SO enjoy getting away. my H and i have talked about buying a fancy sports car when we're older and retired (many, many, many years into the future) and enjoying long road trips - just the two of us - in our sixties.

or maybe it's just a frivolous purchase that was fun and maybe by other standards, shallow

[Amandasmom]

My T drives a $70,000 SUV. But she is also married to a well known lawyer. I'm happy for her. Good for her.

[stopdog]

I love my old forrester. I carry dogs around. If I did not have dogs I would totally have an expensive fast car.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by sailorboy

On the other hand, I now feel less shallow myself because I would never drop that much money unless it was on something practical for my family, not a sportscar.

At various points in my adult life I have driven a cheap two door Ford, a sexy fast convertible, an old boxy Volvo, and a hybrid Honda. I am neither more or less shallow depending on what I drive. The type of car I drove was more reflective of my needs/wants at the time I drove it-- a poor graduate student, a successful professional, a safety-conscious mom, and an environmentally concerned middle aged woman.

[Depletion]

If I had the money I would buy a fast and expensive car. I really enjoy driving I find it very relaxing, I love the focus that it brings. I would even look into a racing license if I thought I could handle it. But I don't think any of this means anything about me. I'm a highly emotional person and I love to have deep discussions. I don't think any of that would change because I bought my dream car. Maybe the car is just a sort of hobby for your T. People often spend a lot of money on their hobbies.

[Parley]

I love to drive and if I was a successful therapist~ I'd invest some serious cash in my car.

[feralkittymom]

I totally get your concern. This bit of reality has shaken the image you had--probably needed to have--of your T. It's not really about him, but about your need to see him in a certain way and what that image tells you about your vulnerabilities. I faced the exact same awakening about my T. Talk to him about it. It is valuable to explore.

[anilam]

I'd be thinking about it too- for me itd be stg like is he really safe, does he take me seriously, how does he treat other women... All about the man in a sports car stereotype...
So I do get that and honestly I'd need to ask my T about it cause it'd speak much more about who I am than who my T is (as does any type of stereotype we hold/project onto others...)

[iheartjacques]

I expect my t would have a nice car. Being a psychiatrist and in private practice as well as research, well, of course. My last few T's were psychologists in group practice or govt organisations, so maybe they had ordinary cars.

[iheartjacques]

I fantasise my t would pick me up in his sports car for a date ha ha

[RedSun]

I'm a trainee t (believe it or not...) and I have four years of study behind me, and three more ahead before I can even think of taking my final exams. I have to pay for my course, my placement costs, my own therapy, and supervision. When I set up practise, I am buying a **** hot car and driving it really fast, as a reward for all my years in my crap nissan

[Favorite Jeans]

Sailorboy I totally hear you! I'm not a car person and don't really get the vanity of a fancy car or being totally ok with environmentally catastrophic vehicles. My T walks to work but has a very expensive SUV. I kind of wish she had a bike, a Prius or a well-loved Subaru too.

But there is no objective standard by which to judge people's income, spending priorities or other financial choices. I am wildly privileged compared to most people in the world. Wildly. Outrageously. Insanely. (I suspect that this is the case for many of us on this forum by virtue of our regular access to Internet and psychotherapy alone.) And I don't live incredibly humbly or use most of my disposable income to better the circumstances of people outside my household.

We tend to hold up our own circumstances, priorities and preferences as very reasonable ones, as a sort of baseline even, against which we evaluate others. Who can avoid that? I am the center of my own universe, there's pretty much no escaping that. But if we're at least conscious of that tendency, it can help us develop some perspective about ourselves, our T's and everyone else too.

That would raise concerns in me too as much as it's none of our business.

[Ford Puma]

I don't know what my T drives these days. I have a Yamaha dragstar myself for getting about and another bike half way restored. My car aint up to much so will remain nameless

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Sailorboy I totally hear you! I'm not a car person and don't really get the vanity of a fancy car or being totally ok with environmentally catastrophic vehicles. My T walks to work but has a very expensive SUV. I kind of wish she had a bike, a Prius or a well-loved Subaru too.

this is one reason i want a Tesla. it's effing hot, sexy, and completely electric *siiiiiigh* be still my heart.

i don't know what i would do if my t drove a Tesla. that would suddenly create transference issues for me. it's the only car that makes me hot and bothered