Couch 78: Put your feet up and stay a while

Good luck today, neutrino.

I do have a garden! A small one, but there's an apple tree and some flower beds and a bunch of other trees (which shelter our house from the road, which is good.) I'm not much of a gardener, though. Our neighbours have much nicer gardens than we do.

I don't know .the mother seems to get under my T's skin a bit . it can be awkward for me at times. she doesn't seem to hide her distain for the woman much. she seems to understand why I keep her in my life but doesn't always agree with it . I am kind of worried that this time might be a bit much for her. it seemed like she had the attitude that if I am not going to keep myself safe from the mother what can she do . I saw this big time in her closing remark .so ill see you when you get back and what ever shape you are in well deal with it. like there was nothing she could do to help me not be in bad shape. I just responded with ill be in fine shape.

Still NOT okay. God, Ready, I wish you had people in your life who treated you well and respected you and your decisions more. I can tell you with what I feel to be absolute certainty that my T would NEVER refer to me staying away from my mother as "abandoning" her. Never.

Day 6 of school and I got sent home with fever and chills this morning from work. Ugh, I hope this is not an indication of what's to come!!

Little children are very virulent!! (Which is a big word for cooties these are my 2 favorite words). You have been under a lot of stress lately with the BIL, you may have picked something up at the hospital. Ginger lemon honey tea. Ginger kills everything.

I think small children are gooey mobile cesspools of germs.

Your description brings to mind amoeba-like tubs of snot - you really are a good writer!!

Omg.. You'd think by now I would be immune to some of their crappy germs.. But you are right hankster, my MIL was already out sick ( with something different this week) so I think it the stress contributed to my quick downfall of sickness!!

I was torn between that description this one:

mobile festering cesspools of germ laden goo.

I am now more taken with my second effort.

Why thank you for that lovely image that will now be in my head all day!

I am a giver.

Not all artists are appreciated in their lifetime

................

Wow, I've just learned how easy it is to change the mood from being happy to angry... Today I organized an important course for my department which was a bit stressful as it is not easy to find one level for all employees from apprentices/students to professors but surprisingly somehow it worked well and everyone was happy

Then I went to the office and saw an interesting e-mail... As I've mentioned before, I'll have a master student so there are quite few things which have to be arranged (working permission, laptop, lab equipment etc.) and as I am a bit a control freak, I started ordering and organizing everything already a month ago to get sure that everything will be ready. Today I got a response from IT guy that everything is okay and he put the secretary person who is responsible for the paper work as cc... She responded to this e-mail by something like: what?? Who is this person?? Who is taking care of the whole paperwork for her, why I don't know anything about it?? please let me know asap...

Of course, she is doing the paper work, of course I informed her and gave all important documents weeks ago and 2 weeks ago, she told me that everything is okay etc... Thus, now I only hope that she simply forgot about the name and not forgot to organize everything... However, as this person is not extremely reliable I'm afraid that she just didn't do anything... I'll see tomorrow but my stress level increased a lot...

Well, turns out I have a pretty obvious (obvious if you know what to look for anyway) case of Asperger's Syndrome. Got the diagnosis this afternoon. I think I'm in a state of shock or something but at the same time I'm not surprised. Don't know what to feel.

Thank you all for putting up with me through this process (I know I can be really pessimistic and whiny). I really appreciate the fact that you've supported me and hopefully you'll keep doing so. Anyway, thank you.

Over and out.

I really should be sleeping as I am sick and I am home by myself which NEVER happens, but I can't.. So, instead I will share a silly T story:

Yesterday I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was asked to do door duty at the end of the day. Which me I stand at the door where all of the students who get picked up wait for their parents. I am just supposed to make sure nobody is hanging out outside before parents are there to get them, and make sure everybody goes home with who they are supposed to (you can do that it a small school like ours). So, T's kids come to the door asked if their dad was there, I said nope.. had them wait at the door so he didn't have to come looking for them, his D and I talk about auditions coming up at the dance studio that she goes to and my daughter goes to. A couple of mins later, T comes, I send the kids out to him, but he turns them around because he needs to go to talk to somebody in the office. I see him, joke about how I had the kids all ready for him and you make them turn around.. He goes in, comes out a couple of mins later, they all walk past me and don't say anything. T, though.. looks back as his kids continue to walk, smiles, waves his hand, and says bye to me. That meant something to me, though.. I am sure he would have done it had the principal was standing there like always, but he is respectful like that. I guess, the fact that he didn't flat out ignore me made me feel so great. Which, is also very reassuring because I had doubted this past week that we could make our T/client relationship work with all of the dual relationships crap we are carrying.
Just thought I would share!

Try not to think of it as a disease. I don't.

I'm pleased to see you standing up for yourself!
Attitude!

I had a really excruciatingly embarrassing session today. I now feel awful. As if I never want to go back. I cried! She suggested I went to the bathroom before I left to sort out my face! I was a mess. I am so embarrassed. We discussed maternal feelings - of my lack of nurture and support. It was all just so uncomfortable. But she didn't give me any feeling of being 'held' or supported. I just want a hug. Why is that so bad? I just don't want to wake up in the morning. My H hates me, my friends have abandoned me. I am a freak. Xx

I'm sorry - I don't want to be so negative all the time.

Can you imagine a scenario, AAA, where you could or would make changes in your life to improve things? What would it take to improve things? Maybe create a long term plan for what you really want and where you want to go and then break it down into baby steps toward progress.

I am doing this with the neighbor girl. The goal is to get away from her parents and get to college. Step one was to take a certain test so she could get college credit for classes she is taking in high school that offer dual college credit. She met with the school counselor and took the test without her parents knowing. Step two was finding the funds to pay for the credit. She talked to her father without her mother around and got him to pay for it. Step three will be taking the ACT or SAT. Again, she is signing up at school without her parents knowing, and I am paying for it and taking her to the test. The overall goal of college and being free from her parents was too overwhelming for her to consider, until we broke it down into steps. Each step right now is something that she or I can do. The later steps still look impossible to her (car, part time job, etc.), but hopefully by the time we have built up to them, the issues will be surmountable.

So, maybe think of one tiny step you can take now? You said before your friends abandoned you because they were frustrated you were not doing anything to help yourself. Perhaps once they see you start taking steps in the right direction, they will come back and possibly help you. I know I have loaned a car to a friend in distress until she was free from a bad situation. Also, there are resources for abused women that we could find for you, and there are agencies that can help with transportation, funding and resources for legal assistance. What he does to you is certainly emotional abuse at the least.

I have 3 days and then it is off to the mothers . im not calm yet

((3A))

Crying in therapy is normal. I found it helpful.

The reason T won't hug you is that it would stop you crying and you need to cry. But if you don't agree (and I would respect that), you might want to try another therapist.

I am drinking gin. Do not concern yourselves, contacting the therapist is not in the cards.