[guilloche]

I've seen lots of recommendations to print out something you've written and bring it, as is, to your T. This sounds like a great way to really get honest stuff in to your T's hands.

If you've done it... does your T ever get hurt or offended by what you've written? I have some stuff I wrote that was directed to T... but was really just me being honest and emotional in private writing. I think it might be helpful to bring in, but I'm really nervous about hurting T's feelings.

(Yes, I know I'm not SUPPOSED to worry about that - but I do. I think it feels like... if I upset him or hurt his feelings, he's not going to want to help me or work with me anymore. I've been kicked out of therapy before, and had friends/family members disappear on me, so this isn't just me making up stuff!)

The stuff in particular that I'm worried about is saying outright that I'm not sure if I can trust T (that seems pretty normal ), not sure if he knows what he's doing (that seems kind of mean to me!), not sure if he understands me (but that I get why he wouldn't given I'm having a hard time opening up - so not his fault), and sort of taking him to task for not getting that something I said was a bit more important to me.

I don't know - I guess I want to be honest, but I don't want to blow up the relationship, since that is supposed to be what's will help me heal. Too many abandonnment issues and not really convinced yet that T will be better (!!!). It doesn't help that TWICE my dear sister has ended a phone call with me by saying, "Good luck with therapy! Don't be too hard on him!" (!)

Any advice? Have you shared stuff like this with your T? Did they handle it well, or did they get defensive?

[BlessedRhiannon]

It took me a long while to get up the nerve to share anything that might be even remotely critical of my T. Once I did, though, and T and I talked about it, it was a good experience. My T did not get offended or anything. We talked about and T was not upset. She appreciated the feedback and we talked about what we could both do to make things better. For example - not trusting T - we talked about what I did trust about her at that point, and how we could continue to build up that trust. Mostly, reading what I'd written lead to further conversation about why I was feeling the way I was about my relationship with T. It helped her to understand me better and helped her to understand where some of my hesitance was coming from.

[HazelGirl]

I have told my T almost all that you have written up there. They know that some of your perceptions are rooted in trust issues and other things that have nothing to do with them. And they also (if they're a good T) take the time to use your feedback to try to understand you better and change things for your benefit.

[guilloche]

Thanks... it's hard, because part of what seems to happen is that I get myself back to a nice, happy, normal state... so the stuff I wrote seems overly strong now, you know? Like, "gosh, why would I have written that?" But clearly I did, and it sounds pretty honest and in the moment!

BlessedRhianon - thanks, I'm really glad to hear your T was ok and didn't react defensively or lash out at you (!). I'm open to more conversations, I think, just nervous!

HazelGirl - Thanks, it helps to hear that you've said the same things to your T! I guess one of the things I really need from T is for him to be able to keep himself/his stuff separate from my stuff. Previous Ts seem to have taken things personally (I had one T who made jokes about me not liking him... omg... I was trying as hard as I could but he seemed to take my problems personally, when they really were not!)

Thanks...

[OneWorld]

Mine took it well. I told her that I didn't feel like she really understood me. It was a powerful session. I was glad I told her.

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[guilloche]

Thanks OneWorld... it's good to hear she took it well. Do you feel like she understood you better after sharing it?

[Silent Void]

I brought one of my journals to a session once. My therapist made no secret that he was bored to death after about five minutes.

What I found fascinating, my weird-*** dreams, he found very dull. It was a sobering moment.

[JaneTennison1]

My T an I had a rupture that was based on something she had done. At firstI just cried and was not able to explain why what she had done affected me so badly. In the next session I took a letter in and read it out. She was so very grateful I had taken time to do this and said it helped her understand. She also apologised for what had happened previously.

It was a fantastic session because reading something out was so much easier than just saying it somehow. I say go for it.

[OneWorld]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Thanks OneWorld... it's good to hear she took it well. Do you feel like she understood you better after sharing it?

Yes, absolutely.

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[Victoria'smom]

I am 100% better at writing then speaking. I've hurt her but I've wrote her well over 200 pages it really helped my therapy.

[ThisWayOut]

I have passed stuff on to T's that were brutally honest, and they seemed to take it well. Most of my T's have been ok getting criticism around their work, as long as it was presented in a constructive way, or I was able to explain where I was coming from. Just Friday I read some stuff ot my T that she said was very helpful, and I was worried would be hurtful to her. I think going back to revise it to sound less like an attack, and more like somethign I was having trouble with helped a lot. I was able to ask for her to change the way she does some things, and explain why those changes may be helpful. She seemed totally ok with it all and actaully thanked me for telling her. I think most good T's are pen to making the T experience better for their clients. They are also open to knowing that clients will have strong emotional reactions to things, and that sometimes those things are relavent, sometimes not.
There are still things I prefer to have my T read on her own, so I will just hand her that stuff and ask her to read it. She keeps trying to get me to say it, but is ok with me refusing. It's generally the more vulnerable stuff that I cannot voice yet, but can write out.

[guilloche]

Thanks everybody... it's so helpful to see what others have done!

I think I'll bring my writing with me, but start out talking about my concerns about hurting him, and see how he reacts. Then I can leave the option to hand it over. I hope it's not too terrible

Silent Void - oh no! I'm so sorry that your therapist was bored with what you had written. Wow... what a terrible moment. Was it a lot of writing? I'm hoping to just pull out the bits he needs to know, and to keep it short (since I don't want him trying to read *too* much while I'm sitting there waiting!)

JaneTennison1 - Wow - that sounds like the letter was so helpful! I'm glad to hear it, thanks for sharing!

OneTree - thanks! I'm so glad to hear it worked and she was able to understand more!

Miguels'smom - "I am 100% better at writing then speaking." - Me too! Glad to hear it helped... how did she react when you hurt her? Was it hard to get past?

ThisWayOut - Thanks for sharing! I understand completely what you mean by rewriting it to sound like something you need help with. I'm usually really good with that, but I'm not sure I should do that here... since I'm trying to figure out how to show more of the "real" me versus the "polite, social" me. Rewriting is definitely very much social me . I think it might work to just start talking about the issues first... then if he seems ok, let him maybe read it. And yeah, I wouldn't plan to read this out loud... but I think I could manage to sit and wait while he reads it. I *think*...

Thanks!!!

[NowhereUSA]

i send emails to my t. they feel like very honest blog entries. we talk about it in therapy. i haven't had many issues with him, but i have been honest about when i think he's messed up and he takes it well.

it says it's helpful for him to see where i'm at.

[pmbm]

I have a blog and I often read my blog entries to my therapist. They often talk about my relationship with her and things that come up with it. Fortunately, we also are often able to address it in therapy as soon as something weird happens. I've been in therapy for years and have become used to telling a therapist what happened that triggered me. My present therapist is also really good at taking a step back to hear what I am saying. My last therapist used to argue with me and tell me it was all a cognitive distortion on my part.

[guilloche]

NoWhereUSA - I'd love to email, I think... but I'm a bit nervous about my stuff floating around in cyberspace. And, honestly, I've sort of overwhelmed people with very long emails in the past. I think if he showed that he was open to email, I'd inadvertently quickly flood that channel for him. So probably not the best thing for me (or him!)

PMBM - That's great that you can tell your T what is triggering you in real time! I would love to get to that point. I'm still in the "EEK! HIDE!" mode of getting through therapy, though I've been trying hard to let him know if something really bugs me out, even though I'm uncomfortable with the telling. I guess it's a process

OK - I gotta go look through all my notes and stuff and figure out what I'm going to do. Session is wednesday, but I have class tomorrow night, so won't really want to think too hard about T then!

Night everyone!

[ThisWayOut]

Good luck. Hope you can get what you need from session. Keep us posted.

[Aloneandafraid]

Good luck - please let us know how it goes....

[ShrinkPatient]

That was the most difficult thing I've ever done in therapy. It was very helpful for me & her as well.
Good Luck