[JonB]

OK. So I've been complaining that I don't seem to cover much more than surface stuff with T and feeling like I'm getting no where with all this. So, I decided to try writing down what I was thinking and giving it to him (in advance). He acknowledged that he'd received it and said we could talk about it next time. Great. Now, at least I know that he knows what I'm thinking. And I figure I can answer any questions he has about what I wrote.

Then at the session on Monday he brings it up and wants me to read to him what I've written. I wanted to sink into the floor. No way do I want to read out loud what I've written - as the whole point in sending it in a written form was that I don't feel comfortable talking about it. We ended up dropping it and bullshi**ing about the weather for an hour. As I was leaving I felt like someone should stamp a big fat red F on my paper. Another wasted hour. Money down the drain.

I am never going to get the hang of this therapy stuff. How do you people do this on a regular basis? You all amaze me.

[sunrise]

Jon, I'm so sorry you had that experience. How frustrating. Did your T at least read the letter? Or did he just receive it but not read it?

Could you just tackle one paragraph of the letter and read that outloud in therapy? And then discuss that topic? Just take it a little at a time?

Once I wrote something for my T, at his request, and brought it to our session. He read it silently while I watched him. Even that was hard for me. After he was done, he asked me how it had felt for me to be there with him while he read it, and that lead to a good conversation. It was very hard to watch him read it, but I survived. He managed it well, he was sympathetic to what he read, and let me know that through body language, comments, etc. So I felt by all this that it was OK. And we did discuss it then too. Maybe your T could have you watch him read it as an intermediate step?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
How do you people do this on a regular basis?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Jon, I was falling apart when I entered therapy and there was no way I could even hold it together during the sessions. I wouldn't have been capable of talking about a surface topic like the weather! That was kind of practice for later, when I was more together and ready for really profound, deeper work with my second T. The first therapist was CBT and in a way, that was easier for a therapy novice like I was. CBT is very concrete, with specific tasks and exercises designed to alleviate symptoms and change negative thought patterns. Maybe this approach would be an entre into therapy for you that wouldn't be as overwhelming and challenging. Does that make sense?

Some of us have been posting our ideas for what helps us share with our T's during our sessions. Go to the silence thread and read on the last page. Maybe some of those ideas will click with you.

Could you also ask your T to help you with sharing? Maybe he has some good ideas.

Therapy can be so hard, and it is almost a skill, like learning to snowboard or ride a bike. It takes a while to figure out how to do it and get comfortable with it. I'm still learning! Even though I have shared some really deep stuff with my T, I still have a really uncomfortable moment whenever we start the session. I'm insecure, don't know how to begin, feel intensely shy, etc. I just push on through that, and soon enough, we are "in the groove." But wow, the first few minutes of each session are hard. For me, that never goes away.

Good luck.

sunny

[pegasus]

NOT stupid at all!

Therapy is hard work, try not to beat yourself up about this.

Next time you have therapy you may find it a little easier to talk some more.

The fact that you are starting to talk about it here means that you are making progress.

Take care.

You didn't do anything wrong. Your therapist wanted to hear what you had to say in your own voice, with your own emotions there.

You read it out loud and I think you were very brave! That was hard, as you say. Doing hard things builds self-esteeem. Be proud that you summoned up the courage to read your letter in session!

Even the BS'ing about the weather afterwards speaks. It tells of your discomfort with continuing talking about the things in your letter. I think your T was giving you some space and time and some distraction after the stress of reading. Tell him next time how you felt about the part of the session after you read the letter.

There is no grading or judgement involved here. Your experience was your experience.

I think you did perfectly fine!

[(JD)]

Not stupid! It is a process. T asked you to read it to be able to see just where you are with it. I'm glad you were able to write it and give it to T. Now he has a good idea of where you are and where you want to be. Letting you read this is a good next step. IMO, it would have been too much for you to have just jumped in talking about it without you being even able to vocalize the issue completely to the T.

Maybe in a session or two, you can come around to focus on this better, and it won't feel so horrible to do so. TC

jeepers. i would have done the same as you. therapy can be really really really really really really hard, huh.

why do t's do that?

i don't understand

:-(