What does your T do?

I like this thread!

My therapist has never touched me, other than a handshake when we first met. I'm comfortable with that as I think physical comforting is for other relationships. In fact, I think I'd be a little weirded out if he ever did try to touch me. I don't need him to do that!

But I love interacting with him. He's very patient, has a good sense of humor (I always end up laughing about how self-contradictory I am) and seems to understand the jumbled-up mess of stuff I try to say to him. I always learn something in the sessions and am trying to keep notes in a journal afterward.

I'm very very glad that I started therapy. I did it more or less on a whim when I was feeling bad about a breakup, and it ended up being the best thing I've done for myself. :-)

Sidony

Sunrise,

You ask if my T and I work like this all the time or only in times of need. I suppose we work like that all the time. There is not a session goes by where I dont get wrapped in a blanket and held. But we also talk and I cry and the usual stuff that goes on. I suppose Im lucky to get what I need and in the way i need it.

I was a bit worried about telling others about what I do with my T, but im glad i shared now.

allthegirls.....so glad you shared, that's what I truly intended on this thread, so we can help eachother and support eachother. Very brave for you to disclose.
We are all in different types of circumstances and not one of us is in a place to judge. We are all seeking in some way, the love support, care, nurturing we need. I am so very happy you are getting what you need. I also find it very wonderful how you are getting it. I would enjoy a blanket session for sure, although I've never been that close to my t, so I wonder how we'd both react. The different therapy types ppl have here really helps me on my individual journey believe it or not.

Hello Tallulah,

Just wanted to point out that psychologists/therapists who are members of the APA or British Psychological Society have a code of ethics and conduct which they have to stick to. Physical contact is discouraged.

Yes, that is so true. So are boundary crossings as well, debatable and often controversial, yet often effective in the proper circumstance.

I think moreover I'm not trying to debate that here so much as I'm truly intrigued as to what types of therapies are out there etc. Whether it be through licensed clininal social workers, Psyd, PHD or whatever, I'm just measuring up my experiences with those of others. I'm also measuring my t and her methods agains those of others.

I'm glad you brough this up as I think many of us in therapy are (hopefully) aware of the standards and ethics by which our ts are bound. And if they are not, should probably become accustom to knowing what they are. Maybe this thread will encourage awareness of that.

I'm hoping to encourage ppl to share their experiences and what works or doesn't work in their therapies. I have a lot of questions I want to put out there about therapy and I think others really do too. Perhaps through this, we can further help ppl find styles that suit them, or even weed out some treatments we wish to avoid. I am enjoying those who are wishing to share......

yeah. the article on boundary crossings looked at why it is that so many therapists and professional organisations discourage touch.

one notion was that there could be a slippery slope. handshake one day and %#@&#! each others brains out the next. i'll admit it was put more plausibly than i'm putting it here.

the article looked at boundary crossings versus boundary violations more generally and the notion was that boundary violations tend to lead to more boundary violations but that boundary crossings were okay.

whether something is a boundary crossing or a boundary violation depends on the individual circumstances, however. if my therapist were to wrap me up in a blanket and hug me then that would be a boundary violation - but that is because of how it would affect me. i think that such a technique could be used to good effect for some people... but not for me.

my therapist gave me his personal email address and his cellphone number. 'traditionally' that would count as a boundary violation too. i guess i worried about it (partly) because i was worried that it did indeed constitute a boundary violation. but i guess i've thought some more on it... and i guess i see it as a boundary crossing now. i guess that ultimately it has increased my trust in him. partly because he is very good with other boundary issues that are important to me (ending the sessions on time and not touching me, for example) and also because i understand the rationale for him having done that.

there is some evidence to show that the body stores bodily memories before (and after) we are verbal. some people missed out on a lot of things that infants get. being held and massaged and stroked (non sexually). there are some therapies that attempt to use touch so that someone can learn / heal by experience similarly to how a therapists empathetic voice can heal by experience. the content of what is said isn't so important as the emotional attunement.

Hee hee I know u hate those alex, but i do agree!

In very, very scrutinizing examination I could say my t crossed as well as she accepted a CD I made and she made one for me (or rather copied, oops that is like sharing which is illegal) ok 'nuff said here.

I could probably provide more examples if i dig enough.

Thanks for the respect on who/whom certain therapies are fit for. I think my t is encouraging some "safe" and minor crossings to help me in my case.....

First I have to say, this is a really cool thread.

Second, I have to say hi. I'm Robyn. I've only posted on 2 other threads, so I figured I'd (re)introduce myself.

I chose my T because he does psychoanalysis. I am going to school to be a T and that is the school of thought I identify best with, so I thought it would be a good fit for me.

I took me a long time to settle in with this T, as I had just moved to Philly from NY, and had been seeing two T's there, one for 2 years, and then one after that for a couple of months.

There are so many things about him that I love. Since it is analysis, he never discloses, and I am very content with that. However, I can tell by the type of humor that he uses and a few mentions of books and writers, that he is a very cultured person. I feel we are a very good fit because the type of humor he will use in session is the exact type that I can appreciate. I have a VERY hard type opening up in T and he has been incredibly patient. He is beginning to teach me that it is okay to get angry at him, and to let him know about it. He has stressed to me, the complete freedom of T-- an hour per week in which I can say ANYTHING at all. After a year and a half, I'm just getting the hang of that. I am starting to feel safe in that room.

The other day I saw my Pdoc (in the same building). Then I went up for my T appointment and sat down in my chair. We sat in silence. All I did was point at the door, and he said, "So how did that go?" He knows a lot without me having to say.

I do a lot of writing, mostly poetry. We use my poetry in T to help facilitate the unconscious. We do the same with my dreams. Sometimes it is very hard for me to just sit and talk, so to do it in a creative way makes it a lot easier for me.

He challenges me a lot, which I really appreciate. I need that type of interaction. Sometimes I will get angry, defiant, and very closed down: During one of these "moods" he will ask: Well, why do you still come? And what I like most about him is this: My answer-- because you understand me more than anyone else in the world ever has.

Welcome to this thread, pinksoil. I am learning so much here.

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I do a lot of writing, mostly poetry. We use my poetry in T to help facilitate the unconscious. We do the same with my dreams. Sometimes it is very hard for me to just sit and talk, so to do it in a creative way makes it a lot easier for me.

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This is me too. I am sometimes just too shy to spit it out but find I can get to the same destination with T if we do it through dreams or other creative means.

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He is beginning to teach me that it is okay to get angry at him, and to let him know about it.

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This amazes me whenever I hear it. I cannot fathom why I would ever get angry at my T. He's always been great to me. But I know I am the unusual one, as many people report getting angry at their T's.

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During one of these "moods" he will ask: Well, why do you still come? And what I like most about him is this: My answer-- because you understand me more than anyone else in the world ever has.

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I totally love this, pinksoil. So true. We should all have this in our therapy.

I love this thread so hate to see it get buried on page 2.

Some more questions about Ts:

Does your therapist take notes during your sessions?
My T does not. I wonder, with so many clients, how he remembers stuff. Or maybe he doesn't? Or maybe he takes a few notes after I leave--do they often do this? My first T did take notes during the session and each time she would write something, I would think, what did I just say that is noteworthy?

Do you talk about your dreams with your therapist?
I do frequently and I am curious about how common this is. Sometimes I just share a dream briefly, and that leads to other stuff I have trouble bringing up directly. Other times, if it is a significant enough dream, we organize a whole session around the dream and its analysis, doing classic Gestalt dreamwork. I never talked about dreams with my first T. I sensed the current T would be open to that, so I just dove in one day with a really important dream and he was great.

my T has offered me hugs only in extreme circumstances, once when I left to go in to an eatiing disorder program ands once when she told me she had cancer. it was both wonderful and scary. the scary part was how much i wanted the hugs and how hard it was to let go.
From the other side, I am a ther.( strange but true) and I am very careful about how/when I touch clients. I usually ask first. but i do sometimes touch a client on the arm. i have only hugged a client three times in 20+ years.maybe I should do it more but it does feel risky

Thanks Sunrise for the bump and interesting questions...

1. My T never takes notes or write or anything during the session. She does, however make notes afterward (legally shes required to) about each session. She's read them to me and offers me to see them anytime I wish. It's kinda interesting as they do it for coverage of their butts as well. So it's not very personal deatiled stuff in there about what I said because she says she doesn't necesarily think its wise for her (or necessary) to put that in, but stuff we discuss (the time SHE brought in counter transference for example) in regard to our realtionship etc. Interesting that that was what she read to me as well as she had to make it clear to me her reaction to something I said was in no way related to me, it was her bringing in her own stuff, which she apologized for and took ownership of. She also has only done that once that I know of.

2. We don't talk in depthly about our dreams. I mean, I mention if I have them but we don't analyze them and i don't mind that we don't because I belive the interpretation of them to be personal and in that way, I feel I understand them. She had one with me in it once and told me about it, but it wasn't exciting or sexual or anything, we just kinda chuckled in that i was "there" in the dream.

Sadtherapist, I am soooooo glad you are here, welcome by the way, and glad you said what you siad about hugging patients. I want mine to hug me, but yea, I don't as well...

I wish maybe she'd sit closer and touch/reach out to me if SHE felt compelled to. It's all the thinking of if she should or shouldn't that freaks me out (the legal %#@&amp;#!, which I totally understand from the therapist's standpoint). If she feels it, I just wish she would. It would mean more that way anyway. I wonder if she does with others, or ever has...she's so casual in her nature. I do find myself wondering what she is like with her other patients and have even asked her if she approaches me and my issues the same. I want to know where others sit and weird stuff like that.

I like the questions brought up in another thread about seeing the other clients. I never see her other clients, maybe on occasion I've seen some families and teens....boys mostly. I know she doesn't have many in her private practice and I'm ok wit that. I like to think she's all mine or that somehow she likes me best out of all of them....

My one maybe would have if he knew I felt comfortable with it. Another was very touchy and did. Another was all serious and as a matter of fact he would have never touched me unless I tried to beat him up or something. My T now has offered me gum and would probably touch me. I am also interested in how they interact with us and stuff.

My t shares his Jolly Rancher candy. Cool!

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Calm said:
My t shares his Jolly Rancher candy. Cool!

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That is totally cool. I want some!

Aw ha ha ha! That does sound like a pretty cool and nice T! My one T offered me water and another gum.

Does your therapist take notes during your sessions?

Yeah my T takes notes. This is the first T I ever been with that takes notes. ( Been to MANY T's ) I've been with my T now for almost 5 years. He has 2 folders full of his notes. I like it that he takes notes. He remembers things from sessions we had a few years ago. I can tell he goes back and reads them. Makes me feel good that he takes that much interest in helping me.

Do you talk about your dreams with your therapist?

My T I think gets a kick out of my dreams. Is like I can see his eyes brighten up when I say I remembered a dream. He beleives that dreams are a way of your mind working things out.

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He beleives that dreams are a way of your mind working things out.

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Me too, Montygirl. I love that my T works with me on my dreams. I also think it is great that your T refers back to his notes. I sometimes wonder if mine writes anything down after I leave, since he doesn't take notes during. If I were the T, I know I would have to since my memory is bad. But maybe he doesn't need notes to remember. (But how do they keep 30+ clients straight, otherwise?)

Talulah, what did you mean when you wrote that your T is legally required to take notes? I think it is really neat that your T had a dream about you and shared that. If my T dreamt about me, it would make me feel like I existed for him outside of our session, and I think that would warm my heart.

My T has never taken notes during a session. And what amazes me is that he always remembers stuff the next week, and the week after that. He brings up things that I forgot. Of course I know that he writes notes after the session, as I am going to school to be a T, so I know you have to do that! But I still love that he remembers things. He shows that he is always paying attention.

We do a lot of dream work, I am obsessed with it!

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pinksoil said:
We do a lot of dream work, I am obsessed with it!

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OMG, that is so me! pinksoil, I am so glad to hear someone else say that. I have to restrain myself to keep from doing dreams each week. But dreams have been so useful for getting at many of the issues for me, so they have strong value. But still, sometimes I just have to not talk about dreams. T never complains about my bringing the dreams, so I've never felt pressured from him to cut it out.

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sunrise said:
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pinksoil said:
We do a lot of dream work, I am obsessed with it!

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OMG, that is so me! pinksoil, I am so glad to hear someone else say that. I have to restrain myself to keep from doing dreams each week. But dreams have been so useful for getting at many of the issues for me, so they have strong value. But still, sometimes I just have to not talk about dreams. T never complains about my bringing the dreams, so I've never felt pressured from him to cut it out.

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Hehehe, I'm down to my last 25 minutes of work before the weekend, so I have my office door shut, and I'm pretending to work, but I'm really posting on here, and recording my dream from last night in my journal as we speak. The stuff T and I have come up with from my dreams is unbelievable. Sometimes embarassing as hell, but unbelievable.

I am obsessed with it because.... every night (providing you are someone who dreams vividly and remembers it the next day, which I am), you have this amazing ability to actually exist in your unconscious. It's incredible.

Pinksoil, I too am a vivid dreamer and can fairly easily remember dreams in great detail. If nothing else, they are certainly a cheap form of entertainment.

I've said to my T before, "the most 'real' thing or the truest thing I can bring to you are my dreams." They show what my unconscious is grappling with. Sometimes I think too much, but the unconscious does not lie. My cognitive thinker self will be in denial or avoidant, etc., but this is not so in my dreams. Plus my unconscious usually starts dealing with an issue before my conscious does. So if I can access my dreams, I get a head start on knowing what I should be working on, and can bring the issue into my conscious thought. My oldest daughter also has good dream recall and she enjoys sharing them with me. It's a cool window into her head.

Once I learned that figures in a dream are believed to represent yourself, and the objects are said to be a part of your personality, I stopped telling T. Didn't want her to think I was crazy or anything...

One time I dreamt that I was on a road trip and stopped to go to the bathroom at a restaurant, and some guy busted in and watched me pee. I yelled at him, and continued to watch.

I had no idea what this meant.

So I'm telling T about this, and we are talking about it in more depth and all of a sudden it hits me....

I said, "OH MY GOD."

And T didn't say anything, he just understood. He knew I got it.

The guy in the dream represented T. He didn't look anything like him, but it represented my fear of exposure to T. I had been oblivious to it the whole time, and was discussing the dream freely because I thought it was a "safe" subject.

I wanted to die. I wanted to crawl under the chair and die.

But we got through it.

LOL!

Occasionally, when I dream about T, I don't recognize him in my dreams. He looks like him but it's like I've never met him before in the dream. Then when I wake up and remember the dream, I say, hey, that was T! Other times, I do recognize him. Sometimes he is a major figure in the dream, and sometimes he is off to the side, not participating in the action, just watching.

BTW, pinksoil, I have never told my T a dream about peeing.