What does your T do?

I never tell T when she shows up in a dream...I don't want her to think she's that important.

It's a control issue.

Interesting, Petunia. I admit, I definitely keep some dreams about T just to myself. I dreamt about him after only one session together, and I did not share this. It was this dream that told me I needed to go back, that I could trust him. Whither my unconscious leadeth, I follow. Strangely, in my dream it was kind of dark, with dim lights, and for the next few sessions with T, I kept asking him to turn off some of the lights, and complaining it was too bright in his room. After I finally realized I was trying to recreate the conditions of my dream, I stopped asking for this.

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sunrise said:
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He beleives that dreams are a way of your mind working things out.

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Me too, Montygirl. I love that my T works with me on my dreams. I also think it is great that your T refers back to his notes. I sometimes wonder if mine writes anything down after I leave, since he doesn't take notes during. If I were the T, I know I would have to since my memory is bad. But maybe he doesn't need notes to remember. (But how do they keep 30+ clients straight, otherwise?)

Talulah, what did you mean when you wrote that your T is legally required to take notes? I think it is really neat that your T had a dream about you and shared that. If my T dreamt about me, it would make me feel like I existed for him outside of our session, and I think that would warm my heart.

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My T told me that legally she has to retain certain documents etc. Kinda like those papers you sign in the beginning. i think it has mostly to do with code of ethics stuff. If one wanted to sue or whatever or say ethics were breached or there was misconduct, the T could show an adequate paper trail of treatment. Dates of treatment, costs, short explanation of what was discussed, their thoughts about progress etc. I think by law, at least in the US, they all have to jot down certain records to some degree for legal and perhaps insurance reasons.

Mine makes these notes when I'm not there and they seem pretty vague and short. Not very detailed of what we talked about indepthly. Actually, sometimes I feel like she should take better notes because I think she has a lot of clients and I'd like her to read them and re read them to remember me and my issues more often. It would be nice for her to recall past things I've said etc..also i send her emails and I know she prints them up and puts them in the file as well.

I've asked her bout the file because some of those emails are very personal and revealing and she said that the thought is that if something happens to her, a colleague could pick up my "cas" and refer me to the best person.....bleh, I didn't really like to hear that so much so i've let up on those personal emails......I also think she picks and chooses random parts of what I'm saying in them to discuss in session and sometimes I feel like she picks stupid stuff and never reacts to any of the more disturbing thoughts/feelings/emotions i convey in them. So it's like setting myself up for disappointment anyway.

As for dreams, my T doesn't seem to want to put much into them, or hear them which is ok with me. But I DO put a lot into them myself.......

I've asked her bout the file because some of those emails are very personal and revealing and she said that the thought is that if something happens to her, a colleague could pick up my "cas" and refer me to the best person.....bleh, I didn't really like to hear that so much so i've let up on those personal emails..

My T stopped taking emails. She will take generic "I need to switch my appt" or something, but she'd prefer not to take any personal info.

She said it is now listed on the form the newbies fill out, that there will be no exchange of personal info through emails.

She is concerned about people's "stuff" being out there in cyber-space. Afraid it could end up in the wrong hands, which I never-ever thought of.

I told her it sounded like she was paranoid and maybe she needed to see someone.

i've often thought about that......mine initiated it with me because I never know how to pick a topic and don't like directing the session. I told her how there seems like there is so much I want to say and it's often outside of session and once I get there I lose the emotion with it. She suggested I email her and she would bring up the stuff in the email in the session. She doesn't respond unless it's an appt thing or maybe just a little note to say.....hang in there, I'm not going anywhere!

Sometimes she emails me about books or things she recommends.

Over time, they got very personal and embarassing (with what I revelead-and long) and I think about that floating around out there or even her computer not being safe.

But it feels so mush easier to type it and send it to her, don't think I'd have the nerve to print it and bring it in....

Talulah, how about just jotting down a few notes that can remind you of what you want to talk about once you are in the session? That way, you have your reminder in hand of what you want to discuss, and you don't have to send the long missives through insecure e-mail. I would be very nervous about that too.

My T does not give out his e-mail address. In a way, it's good, because I really like to write and have a harder time speaking. So his not letting me communicate by e-mail is just one way he forces me to be responsible for my own sessions. Sometimes I feel like, hey, he treats me like a grown-up! I have be a responsible adult and choose the topic on my own. It is still hard for me to start the sessions, but I do take pride in being able to do it each time. I usually have too much to talk about and having to choose helps me prioritize what is the most important topic at that moment. Sometimes I do an exercise at home the night before the session that goes like this. In one sentence or less, answer:
"If I could talk about only one thing to my therapist tomorrow, it would be....."

I try to get it down to just a phrase. No going on and on and on. This really helps me focus on what is most important to me to discuss.

I realize this may not work for everyone. We all work out our own little tricks.

ETA: thanks Talulah for the info on notetaking. I didn't realize they all had to do that.

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sunrise said: My T does not give out his e-mail address. In a way, it's good, because I really like to write and have a harder time speaking. So his not letting me communicate by e-mail is just one way he forces me to be responsible for my own sessions.

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Hey, that sounds just like my therapist! His email address wasn't on his business card, and I never asked him for it. That's actually better for me because I work too hard at being precise when I'm writing. I think it'd be much harder to come to any conclusions about me from my writing than from talking. I'm much less secure in talking (actually I have quite a bit of social anxiety) so I'm probably more myself! (Hey, that's who I am.)

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In one sentence or less, answer:
"If I could talk about only one thing to my therapist tomorrow, it would be....."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This is a great idea! I'm going to try this exercise. I have a hard time thinking of stuff to say too.

In answer to the other questions on this thread, my therapist does not take notes during the session. I think he only takes a few afterward. I think I'd be really uncomfortable if he took them during. Once in a while he forgets details, but he remembers the important themes.

I've only talked about a dream with him once. Wasn't sure whether a dream was a silly topic or not, but I had one that had really made an impact on me. He had lots of things to say about it and seemed to enjoy the subject. Now I'm hoping I'll have a cool dream.

Sidony

My T takes notes. She seems to be vague at times. She has read one of her progress notes to me and stated that she was writing that I shared my performance review from work with her in a different session.
Last session she seemed to write more than usual and annoyed me a bit because she wouldn't look at me for a bit. I couldn't figure out what the heck she felt was important enough to write down.
As for me, I have not mastered how to write progress notes yet. My school prefers the DAP methods. D stands for describe. I would describe what we talked about in a few sentences. A stands for assess. I might talk about any observations that I made and any thoughts that I have of interest. Then, P stands for plan. This would probably be where I might mention a homework assignment. But, I have only just begun to try to learn how to write progress notes. I suspect that they are rather short and somewhat vague (I hope because my insurance company demanded them for three of my sessions due to T's failure to pre-certify). I tend to think that they are memory aids, proofs that a session to took place, a way to protect self in case of possible suicidality or homicidality. I'll say one thing, talking about a thought of sucide can really get a T writing. My former T really wrote for a while during that session. I would small talk while she wrote. But, one must correctly assess whether or not the person is at risk for commiting suicide. So, it must be documented!
As for dreams, I mentioned that I tend to remember dreams. My T got rather curious and ask me about any re-occuring dreams. I shared some nude dreams (I worry at work about what everyone thinks of me). She interpreted it and then I told her my interpretation. I can interpret my own dreams. Thank you very much, T.

I love this thread too!

bump!

T's expect to show up in your dreams so it's okay to tell them. My last T said so many people dream about her that if she didn't know it was completely normal, she'd be freaking out about it. Funny to hear her use that term freaking out. Anyway, . I think it's part of transference. Not sure, but that's what I think.

sadhterapist, thanks for your candid post!

I had only one T I really wished would hug me; I almost asked him to but didn't. I had a wonderful pdoc who was warm funny, compassionate and his warm handshake at the end of the visit, offered with his warmth and compassion, was just as good to me. I can see how it might get tricky and could be risky, especially for people like me who have lack of good mothering issues because I could become way too attached. Not having the hugs I would like to have encourages me to say with words what I am experiencing and that is more helpful to me in the long run.

I also think the desire many of us have for physical comfort or whatever hugs represent to us, is evident in Kudos and Affirmation, a very active place! And I myself really love being hugged there!

((HUGS)) all you need and want, from me to you all !

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Hopefull said:
As for dreams, I mentioned that I tend to remember dreams. My T got rather curious and ask me about any re-occuring dreams. I shared some nude dreams (I worry at work about what everyone thinks of me). She interpreted it and then I told her my interpretation. I can interpret my own dreams. Thank you very much, T.

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For me, I don't share dreams with my T necessarily to get his interpretation, since I'm pretty good at that myself, but to share with him what my unconscious is working on. Sometimes I have difficulty being direct with him and it is easier to tell him the issues by telling him my dream. It always leads to good talk with him. I use the dream to help me broach the subject.

I went last evening. Fell to pieces. I've stopped with the emails. I've become petulant. I wrote a very long letter though and am not sure how to get it to her. It's all about how I'm feeling about my progress and everything. Lots having to do with our dyad and how we are relating. She's "stuck" with me. Yea I feel that.

Cried the entire session, long drops down the face. Pathetic. Embarassing. Haven't done that since before being on meds. She kind of just looked at me, but I don't know what her face was because I was too embarassed to lift my face up. She then told me I better call the pdoc to up the meds again. blegh. haven't called.

Crying got harder and heavier and I tried to control it and she would say things like "so next tuesday?" And I was totally out of it and she'd say, "does that work?" I'd look up and kinda mumble and nod yes. I tried to pull it together and I knew there was someone in the waiting room for the other doc there and I got to the door and I couldn't open it or leave and I said, "I don't want to go out there, someone's out there", and I sorta hunched over to hide my face and kept crying and trying to suck it up. She walked over and looked out the door. She said it was okay the person had their head down and I kept apologizing over and over......she said "stop apologizing, it's ok". I was totally melting down like an idiot. A pathetic whiny child.

I scurried out and out and heaved a massive cry outside.

I'm embarassed and its so weird crying so hard and feeling so intensly and having your time be up and your t kinda like, ho hum as they rustle about with their desk....I bet she's like, get out of here already. I know when she gets out of the chair its time to go.

Awww, I'm sorry you felt so bad during your session. That must be really hard. I haven't been able to cry in front of my T, so on one hand, at least you feel comfortable enough for that to happen. But it still doesn't feel good. Were you guys able to talk about anything during the session? Or can you write down more things you wish you could have said?

Ahhhh, Talulah. ((((hugs)))) I'm so sorry you have been feeling so down.

Do you know why you were crying? Were you sad? Do you know why? Was it because you feel your T is "stuck" with you?

I think it is a good sign you trust your T enough and feel safe enough with her to cry so profoundly. Sometimes we need to cry. To grieve. To mourn. To be sad. Your T's comment that maybe you need to up your meds is a little scary to me. Like she sees no value in your crying/grieving or doesn't think she can help you get at the root of your troubles? What has she done in the past to help you when you are sad (beyond recommend more meds)?

When I went to see my T two sessions ago and told him that for the preceding 2 weeks, my depression had been back, he asked a lot of questions about it to try to help me figure out why. The symptoms I described told him I was stuck and afraid and we worked on that. If my symptoms had presented differently, he would have known it was some other thing. I hope your T can help you open up and talk about what is bothering you.

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I'm embarassed and its so weird crying so hard and feeling so intensly and having your time be up and your t kinda like, ho hum as they rustle about with their desk....I bet she's like, get out of here already.

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Can you share these thoughts and feelings with her?

(((((Talulah)))))

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Please do phone your p-doc about your meds. It won't make all this go away but it might to take the edge off it just a little so that it seems more manageable and so that you can make some progress with it.

Hi Pinksoil, yea we talked a little but i had so much resentment built up I wasn't very forthcoming. I did, do what you suggested and wrote down a LONG list of things I need to get off my chest.

"Do you know why you were crying? Were you sad? Do you know why? Was it because you feel your T is "stuck" with you?"

Sunrise, yes I think that there were some things that happened during the previous week that kind of resurrected my depressive symptoms as well as my "vibe" with my t and my questioning her ability. I tried to discuss this in detail during the session, and she wanted those "symptoms" under control.

She hasn't done much in the past to help me get past my troubles except refer me to pdoc for meds......but yea I like her very much I just wonder if she's able to help me.

I think one of the biggest problems is that we are not getting to the core. I need to examine that place so I can somewhat accept what has happened to me and learn to live with it and try to find a way to live on and not have it affect me so. I trusted her enough to tell her things even my partner doesn't really know and she never seems to go to the root, just wants to "add positivity" to today. Blegh, let's go to the past already.

I too was taken aback as I thought she'd try to reassure me that it was a bad week and try to get to the core of what was happening, versus reaching for the meds straight away. I felt she didn't ask the questions that maybe she should. Got me to thinking much about our relationship and so forth. I decided I would make a list of all the things that were bugging me with us. So I've done that and it's like three pages or so of explanation. I haven't sent it yet.

I've got to say I thought this thread would be interesting but its really getting me to be analytical about the mental health care I'm receiving. I don't really know it my t is the right fit or is "getting to me" the way one should. I say this because after reading this thread, I asked her numerous questions about her style, approach, analyzing me, my notes etc...I didn't really like her answers. I told her CBT isn't taking to me and she said that not everyone takes to it, but she never really explained her "plan" with me and it upsets me.

Seems like she just doesn't know what to do with me and I feel we are all over the map and not on any specific road....

I told her I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or working on etc....didn't really get a clear sense still of what to be doing/expecting. All of your Ts seem to be taking the upper hand and "knowing" what to do with you whereas all mine says is "i get stuck with you". "If you can't find self worth than I can't help you". Arghhhhh! I am seeking any shred of worth I can find and I can't yet see it so am I un-helpable?????

My next duty is to make a list of what I want to accomplish out of therapy. Duh this seems like something I should've done and nobody (but u guys here) have suggested it, not even my T! She just so lighthearted I don't think she can handle my dark. If she doesn't figure it out after I give her a list then I'm going to stop talk therapy. 2 years and I am questionsing her.....how much is me and how much is her?

Alex, still dunno if I'm gonna call pdoc yet as I'm trying to wrangle the root of this recent little depressive blip before i know if I need to up my dose. If it lasts then yes, I will call.

Sorry guys, totally just upset about this! I am just at a loss.

(((((((((Pinksoil)))))))))))
(((((((Sunrise)))))))
(((((((((Alex))))))))))

Thanks and sorry I'm so effing weird.

I am so sorry Talulah. Hugs.

Talulah - Sorry about your therapist. I think I'd also shop around if the list thing didn't work. I wonder what it is that brings us to a plateau in therapy. I've been there and thought about leaving then things get moving again. (I'm chicken about leaving anyways.) Your therapy sounds like it went into plateau rather quickly. I hope you shock your therapist into action with those lists.

((((Talulah))))

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She hasn't done much in the past to help me get past my troubles except refer me to pdoc for meds......but yea I like her very much I just wonder if she's able to help me.

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I'm sorry, Talulah, but all sorts of alarms go off in my head when I read that. What you wrote makes it sound like your T only wants to help people with no symptoms. Sheesh, what are therapists for? Aren't they supposed to try to help people who are feeling depressed or sad or out of sorts?

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"If you can't find self worth than I can't help you".

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Can't believe she said that. Ouch! Sometimes we need to set our own boundaries in therapy and tell the T when what they are doing is not helpful and in fact may be hurtful. When T's have difficulties knowing what to do next in therapy or how to proceed with a challenging client, their typical course of action is supposed to be to consult a mentor therapist, or at least a respected peer colleague. Has your T consulted anyone for advice on how to proceed with you since she admits she is "stuck"?

I wonder if your tears signal you are mourning the absence of a therapist who "gets you" and can help? (sorry for the interpretation...)

I'm glad you've made a list. It helps in achieving clarity. Please let us know how your T receives the list. Maybe it would be better to go over it in person with her rather than e-mailing it. It can be easy to skim e-mails and not really deal with them. In person, she would be forced to engage with the list, and you could see her first reaction to what you have written with your own eyes.

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If she doesn't figure it out after I give her a list then I'm going to stop talk therapy.

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I don't think the trouble is necessarily talk therapy, but perhaps just your T, your dyad, and her approach. Talk therapy might work very well for you with another practitioner.

Ya know, I think the therapy relationship is like any other. At one point in our lives, it may be just the ticket, but we grow and develop new needs and areas to work on, and we may outgrow the relationship or have new needs that need a fresh partner and approach. Talulah, could you have outgrown your T and be ready to move on to someone else?

sunny

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WinterRose said:
Talulah - Sorry about your therapist. I think I'd also shop around if the list thing didn't work. I wonder what it is that brings us to a plateau in therapy. I've been there and thought about leaving then things get moving again. (I'm chicken about leaving anyways.) Your therapy sounds like it went into plateau rather quickly. I hope you shock your therapist into action with those lists.



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Wow! i told my t that I "plateau" in non-sexual realtionships (meaning every other kind, friends etc) and that it was only a matter of time until I do this with her as well.....she didn't believe me or is challenging me to stick with her through it....I think I need to discuss this more with her.

I'll send the long note about my disgruntledness in t and then make another with my personal goals etc. and we'll see where we go from here.......thanks for your support! xo

((((((((((((((((((((((Fuzz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((Purple)))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((Winter)))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sunrise))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((And all here)))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry feeling so whiny, thank you all for your encouragement and suggestions, I go back on Tuesday and will have sent the "list" of my "issues" to her by then.....I will bring in the list of goals so I'll let ya know...

loving you guys

Hello Talulah.
I think you are being vey wise to set goals that you need to meet in your life. I hope you do take the initiative and call the Dr for a med adjustment as soon as you can so you can feel better soon. Take care soidhonia.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I'm sorry, Talulah, but all sorts of alarms go off in my head when I read that. What you wrote makes it sound like your T only wants to help people with no symptoms. Sheesh, what are therapists for? Aren't they supposed to try to help people who are feeling depressed or sad or out of sorts?

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I felt the same about this so thank you for reminding me as I need to say this to her! We need to be getting at the core of these types of feelings and emotions. I will "test" her in that regard and see what road she takes before I decide what we will do together.
In my long explanation, I stated that she made me feel that my emotions/feelings have been invalidated by her. Yea I cried harder at this point, became petulant and closed off....


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">When T's have difficulties knowing what to do next in therapy or how to proceed with a challenging client, their typical course of action is supposed to be to consult a mentor therapist, or at least a respected peer colleague. Has your T consulted anyone for advice on how to proceed with you since she admits she is "stuck"?

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I know she sees my pdoc and I've signed off on her ability to discuss my case with him. I think he's very good and I hope she is consulting with him. When I ask her what they've talked about regarding me she says only med stuff. I think I may call him and tell HIM I'm stuck with HER! I will also inquire as to whether she seeks guidance when encountering problems with clients. That would make me feel better.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I wonder if your tears signal you are mourning the absence of a therapist who "gets you" and can help? (sorry for the interpretation...)

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Yea, I think it was part of the problem, my connection was lost.......I was so sad....

I think she skims my emails and that's another reason i get upset, as that is my way of reaching out and telling her what I want to say and what I want to talk about, and where I'm hurting most. But I'm nerbous about giving her this long list in person so I dunno what I'm gonna do, but at the top of the email (i haven't sent yet) I said I wanted her to read it carefully and thoroughly. I also said we may no longer be a good "fit".


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Ya know, I think the therapy relationship is like any other. At one point in our lives, it may be just the ticket, but we grow and develop new needs and areas to work on, and we may outgrow the relationship or have new needs that need a fresh partner and approach. Talulah, could you have outgrown your T and be ready to move on to someone else?
sunny

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I very well could have outgrown her or may be sabotaging this relationship like I do others, that is why I'm struggling so much with what to do.....

I hope I did that right up above, I was trying to respond to you and your points Sunrise.......

(((((((((((((((((((thank you soidhonia)))))))))))))))

Others who are reading this forum......still open to telling us what your T is doing with you. I don't want to bore you all with my personal saga.......

Talulah - I was just reading back through this thread and I was thinking about a couple of things you said in this thread and over in my thread. One thing you may want to ask your T about why you aren't going to the core issues. Sometimes there is a reason. As I said in my post - the reason I started therapy and what we are currently working on are way different. My T told me that we can not possible work on my issues until the things that we are currently are dealing with are under control. I just an not well enough to deal with it all - I can barely deal with what is going on. If I bring up one of the original topics or something about myself that I would like to work on - he tells me a way to deal with it but that it is not the time to address it. It just would not be beneficial to me probably would be harmful right now. Don't get me wrong he is fine with me bringing the item up and always gives me a way to currently handle it but it isn't something we can currently address to really look at. Hope that makes sense. If not let me know. I don't know if this is the case with your T. Just a thought.