[Kated1984]

So i'm still troubled by this 'transference' thing. I cut all ties with this medic person and told my therapist about what i'd been feeling towards this other person, which was hard and even she found it hard me talking about it, but we talked about it and that's it, I'm supposed to move on but I can't. How can my therapist help me when she's not the person these feelings were aimed at? I read something when I was googling that said avoiding transference is like avoiding anxious situations and I know what has happened In the past when I've avoided situations that have made me anxious but then, should I or could I have even discussed this with 'medic' I mean she's not a therapist so probably has no experience of it and could have totally freaked out but then I sometimes thought I caught glimpses of countertransference or maybe I just wanted too.
I hope my post makes sense. I'm so confused

[Soccer mom]

I'm sorry you're going through this and your T. didn't give you more guidance. Your T. may not have much experience with transference.
How long ago did you cut ties? It may take awhile like a mourning process. I have transference towards my T. About 2 months ago I wondered how I would get past all the feelings and treating her like my mom. It has gotten a lot better but it's still there. She told me it will come and go for awhile but that's also with me seeing her on a regular basis.
Perhaps the distance from the "medic" will help you along with time.

[HazelGirl]

Your T doesn't sound very equipped to handle this. Could you find another T to see on the side who could help you with this? Maybe a grief counselor.

[Kated1984]

It's been 4 1/2 months. The thing is it felt like it was fading slightly a couple of months ago and then I saw her in passing from a distance, not in a situation to speak or anything but that was all it took for me to start thinking I neeeeed to see you. I'm thinking of excuses to see her but I can't, it would be stupid.

I hadn't thought of it like a grieving process but I guess it kind of is because I've cried lately on more than one occasion.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Kated1984

It's been 4 1/2 months. The thing is it felt like it was fading slightly a couple of months ago and then I saw her in passing from a distance, not in a situation to speak or anything but that was all it took for me to start thinking I neeeeed to see you. I'm thinking of excuses to see her but I can't, it would be stupid.

I hadn't thought of it like a grieving process but I guess it kind of is because I've cried lately on more than one occasion.

It is definitely a grieving process. You lost her.

For me, when I went through something similar with a mentor, it took 2.5 years to finally get over it. And I only got over it when I finally realized I really could survive without him and that the things he gave me I could get from other people and places. And when that finally sank in, I found I could finally move on. But it took the help of my T and it sounds like yours doesn't know how to help you.

[Leah123]

What you're going through is common and your experience sounds pretty typical- time will help but I think it might also help to just share the exact feelings you did above with your therapist so you two might brainstorm together on how to help you feel better.

[Kated1984]

Thank you for the replies. I will talk to T about it and maybe see if there is another T that is better to help me. It makes me feel so homesick, I think that's the right word.

[CantExplain]

Grieving takes time.