[Soccer mom]

I just want to feel "normal" between sessions. I hate this hangover feeling of heartache, missing her, wanting to go back. I sometimes hate that my T. has any affect over me. I don't see her next week which makes it worse. I try to stay busy but it doesn't always take my mind off things. The only thing that makes me feel better is a bourbon and coke (which I only have on the weekends) which is not good with alcoholism on both sides of my family.

I've lived my whole life stuffing my feelings down to avoid pain. Therapy is trying to change that for the better but it's so painful in the meantime. Now I have all of these emotions that are hard to deal with and time doesn't pass fast enough....

[HazelGirl]

Yes, finally dealing with the pain is painful.

I have recently discovered that after mucking out the stalls, so to speak, and allowing myself to experience pain when it comes up rather than run from it, it is less painful and doesn't last as long. Now that I've uncorked it, it's like a shaken up champagne bottle, it all fizzed out at first, but then after that, can be controlled and poured out as needed.

[Soccer mom]

I think my problem is I want to experience the pain IN HER OFFICE vs alone at home. It makes it harder for me to deal with my kids, my husband, friends and work. By next Wednesday, I'll be better but until then I'm not myself and everyone can feel it. I guess I need to ask her better ways of dealing with this. I left my last session furious at her which made the week so long. I told her I wanted to make sure I left with everything ok between us.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I think my problem is I want to experience the pain IN HER OFFICE vs alone at home.

I can relate to that so much... I think it had something to do with safety and acceptance (at least for me).
sorry you are struggling with this too

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I think my problem is I want to experience the pain IN HER OFFICE vs alone at home. It makes it harder for me to deal with my kids, my husband, friends and work. By next Wednesday, I'll be better but until then I'm not myself and everyone can feel it. I guess I need to ask her better ways of dealing with this. I left my last session furious at her which made the week so long. I told her I wanted to make sure I left with everything ok between us.

I totally understand. Unfortunately, pain doesn't work that way. My T made sure I knew I could contact her at any time if I needed help dealing with the pain, and it helped so much.

[someone321]

I also can relate
For how long do you see your T? For me it lessens a bit with time and it works when after the session (especially when I'm angry with my T) I send her an e-mail... I've realized that for me the worst is the second day after the session and my T says that it is a day when I lose the connection with her and when I come to the next session I almost have to start from the scratch, so now we'll work on that and see if it helps... I hope your T might will have some ideas how to make it easier for you...

[Soccer mom]

I don't have my T's email address. I have texted before but she's very careful since you can misinterpret texts and she could end up saying something that bothers me. I see her typically once a week for the 50 minutes. Going past a week is hard especially when there are two weekends involved.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I don't have my T's email address. I have texted before but she's very careful since you can misinterpret texts and she could end up saying something that bothers me. I see her typically once a week for the 50 minutes. Going past a week is hard especially when there are two weekends involved.

Could you ask to see her more often?

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I think my problem is I want to experience the pain IN HER OFFICE vs alone at home. It makes it harder for me to deal with my kids, my husband, friends and work. By next Wednesday, I'll be better but until then I'm not myself and everyone can feel it. I guess I need to ask her better ways of dealing with this.

OMG yes! This is my problem too. I leave my feelings on the doorstep when I go in and they overwhelm me again when I come out. I literally feel 50 times crappier the minute I step out of the door, yet I can't access them to show her how I actually feel in session. This is extremely frustrating and I do wish she is with me when I am going through rough patches alone. I hope you work this out with your T!

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Could you ask to see her more often?

I'm not sure she thinks I need to unfortunately. When we've scheduled and I have an appt on a Thursday, she'll say the next week she has a Monday open but it's too soon. I did tell her yesterday that a week is a very long time when you're mad at someone or have things to say. I think she believes a week is a good amount of time for me to think/process. She has seen me twice one week when I told her I wasn't functioning very well. She and I both know I'm better than in July so there's not an urgency.
My BIGGEST regret is when I felt the worst and could barely function, I didn't tell her my feelings. I was too scared. So, now I'm ready and don't see her often.

[Leah123]

Well, as the client, you have some say in what's too soon. I would try telling her it is not too soon for you and you would like the appointment. It's easy to forget we're the customers.

[Soccer mom]

Agree. I don't think I need twice a week often - just every once in awhile. I don't have abuse that I'm dealing with - "just" the loss of my mother and me not being able to be emotional with many people. So, I guess she doesn't see it as an issue for which I should need 2x week sessions. If I didn't have the feelings for her (motherly transference), I wouldn't want/need to go so much. Maybe she thinks going more will make those feelings stronger. While I know what would feel good, I'm really trying to trust her judgment. She's got me pegged so far.

[HazelGirl]

I didn't tell my T about my suicidal thoughts until two years after (in fact, I've done that with several things). You can bring up your past reluctance to talk about what you were going through. It would actually be really good for both of you.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

Agree. I don't think I need twice a week often - just every once in awhile. I don't have abuse that I'm dealing with - "just" the loss of my mother and me not being able to be emotional with many people. So, I guess she doesn't see it as an issue for which I should need 2x week sessions. If I didn't have the feelings for her (motherly transference), I wouldn't want/need to go so much. Maybe she thinks going more will make those feelings stronger. While I know what would feel good, I'm really trying to trust her judgment. She's got me pegged so far.

Yes, I don't think it's about "needing" it. I don't "need" twice a week sessions: I want them. I enjoy the work, I enjoy the contact, I enjoy having that amount of time to share. Therapy doesn't have to be about "just enough" to keep you from killing yourself or someone else, haha. Not at all.

In terms of transference, it typically does inevitably get stronger before it abates, so... I see it as one of those situations where you can pull the bandaid off slowly or quickly- I went for quickly. Have found it very intense but powerful and transformative.

If you trust your therapist to understand you and what's best, of course that bears consideration, but I'm glad you're listening to your own intuition as well: you will always be the expert on you.

[Favorite Jeans]

I wish I didn't relate so well to what you're saying. I'm finding the hangover very, very hard too. I talked to my T about it this week and found it to be a fairly unhelpful conversation.

I had this new idea that what might help is to do more exercise the in the 36 hours or so following therapy. I didn't get to fully test it out this week though because there are always a million other priorities and I'm not good at defending myself against all the crazy encroaching demands. I did walk about 7K the day of therapy this week. I'm going to try to swim in the evening after therapy and then run the following AM. if nothing else maybe I'll sleep better.

[Soccer mom]

I try to stay busy but it's hard. I think I'll ask my T for ideas to make it easier too. I'm not sure there's much they can suggest other than stay busy and/or move through the emotions. I write in my journal the most these days. I just hope it gets easier with time.

I'm also struggling with this. I was wondering if coming to a sort of stop five minutes before the end might help me, five minutes quiet reflection or chat or silent holding of the sessions emotions - I'm going to suggest it to my T.

[Chartres]

Yeah, I totally relate to the emotional hangover. It's a very real issue for me, one that can and often does interfere with my functioning in "real" life. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and recognize that I'm dealing with some pretty intense stuff, so the hangover is probably to be expected.

I've also started writing my T emails that say all the things that I'm thinking or that come up for me after a session, but then I send it to myself. I find that this is more effective for me than journaling because I have the sense of it "being heard" by sending it in email form. Usually a few days later things have settled down but there have been a few times when I have decided to send an edited version to my T via email. T has told me that the rare email is okay with him but not to make it a habit.

I also like the suggestion someone else had to plan to do more exercise afterwards. Sometimes that seems too much for me but I'm going to try it when I can.