annoyed at thought of T's family

for some reason thinking about her family... I'm pretty sure she has a husband, IDK about kids, I'm guessing probably no kids.

But it annoys me so much. GAH. People who love her and talk to her and know her a million times better than I do.
Heck, what do I even know about her?? Nothing. I can't bear not knowing anything about her. And I can't bear the idea of her having a family.

I feel so irritated by knowing nothing. What am I supposed to do? Oh yeah, the therapy's for me but I hate talking about myself.

How long have you been seeing your T? I been seeing my T for 4 years. Slowly she discloses personal things. It probably took a year or more for her to acknowledge things like her religion, number of kids etc. so be patient, it will happen.

I relate to your post so so much. I have been seeing my T for 18 months and I know very little. I have asked a few things but she gets really annoyed and says how will this help me to know these things (like if she's married or has children). I also asked her if she had siblings one time very early on as we were discussing my very small family (I don't have siblings) and she was really cross. Really upset me and I felt bad for weeks after for overstepping her boundaries. Really pisses me off now. It's not that I'm asking anything really personal and it would kind of help me relate to her a bit better. I feel sad that she doesn't trust me or doesn't want to communicate with me unless it's within her frame. It just reinforces I am only a client. It hurts. Xx

I know what you're feeling. When I first started therapy, I wanted to know everything about my t just to know that she was a real person outside of the therapy office. I needed to know that she had experiences that were personal to her and not built of knowledge only from textbooks and college classrooms.

After awhile, I was realizing that I was making up t's life to fit how I needed her to be, probably something that she planned on a little bit, but to counteract this I started asking her more about personal things like family, school, likes, dislikes, etc. When she told me that she had kids, my heart felt ripped from my chest. I couldn't explain why I was so mad and hurt, but was driving myself up a wall thinking and being upset about how her kids got to know and love her in a way that I wanted to know and love her. There are still plenty of times that I get so angry thinking about her life with her family that must be so perfect (I imagine that she has the exact life that I want/wanted/missed in childhood). I want to be so much more involved with her than I know that I can be and it hurts, terribly.

I'm not sure how to help you, or what advice I can give. Nothing that I have tried has helped to deal with the frustration I experience. One thing that helps me actually is trying to use that life as a template for how I want to live my life.

Therapists seem to promote parental-like attachment which I don't quite understand. I cannot really comment on that since I never expected any of my therapists to take on a parental role.

I have found the nature of the client-therapist relationship troubling at first. It isn't like a typical relationship or friendship. It feels very one-sided because of the power difference. It was threatening to me because I thought she was going treat me like other clinicians did. I also had no idea what she was thinking so I was guessing and often expecting the worst.

It gets easier with time. My fears gradually went away as I got to know her and after a disagreement we had. I accused her of being a hypocrite. She replied that she had to undergo therapy as part of her training and that she knew how "wonky" it can get. After that my attitude changed and I started to see her as a person.

A lot of them will share little bits of personal information but that comes with time. It definitely helps to see their human side, because it can foster trust.

The only thing I can suggest is not to expect the therapist to be your friend and/or fill a parental role. Treat therapy as therapy and nothing more.

I hate the blank slate Ts. My T has short bio on his page and is open to answer some Qs about his personal life in session and still therapy is ALL about me...
The RS feels more equal.

Family can trigger young feelings in us.

I totally get what you're coming from.
Have you asked her to disclose a bit about herself? Maybe you could tell her that it would help you realize she's a real person? Make the relationship a bit more equal? That's what I told my T and she agreed to disclose some stuff. I'm sure I could have asked her more but I didn't to look like a weirdo.

I'm utterly fascinated by my T's life. Like, I wanna know what she has for breakfast, which radio station she listens to in her car, what's her favourite TV program, etc. It's ridiculous and yet so human.
Concerning her family, I'm pretty sure she has kids (I know she has a husband because, well, I've googled him, hum) but I've never asked her since I don't want to know. Because I feel jealous and knowing about her kids will only hurt me.

Actually, you might get more frustrated knowing things. This morning I went on Facebook and my friend had taken senior pictures of my T's daughter. So many weird emotions ran through me that it bothered me. I wish I had never seen them. I also know that this friend and my T. are friends so I was jealous they had spent time together. It would have been easier not knowing or seeing any of it.

Yeah I have felt the same way about prior Therapists, I think about how they have a great family which leads me to believe that they have a perfect life.

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