[rothfan6]

In the past when I've felt like self harming at work I gave my box cutter, that I have to use at work, to a coworker. But she quit several months ago. Recently I've asked someone else for help and was talking to my T about it. I told my t I knew excoworker would understand self harm but I'm not sure if this other person does. My T wanted to know why she understood and asked "Was/is she a cutter?". I was a little shocked. It sounds so insensitive. He knows I cut so is that how he thinks about me? I don't know if I should bring it up or I'm just being too sensitive.

[RedSun]

Hmmm, yeah, I would hate it if someone said that about me. Somehow 'do they self harm' would have done it in a much more respectful way. I don't think you're being over sensitive.
Or, of you are, then I'm being over sensitive with you

[HazelGirl]

Maybe I'm missing something. Did he say something that was offensive?

[RedSun]

Personally, and not trying to answer for OP here, but I think it's always unhelpful if someone makes it about the person, not their behaviour, eg 'he experiences bulimia' is much better than 'he's a bulimic' cos then it's showing that the person just has that behaviour, it's not actually who they are.

Also, and again personally, cutter is a very difficult word to use, especially when you are one. I think maybe it's how my friend who is gay calls himself a poof but would be offended if someone else referred to him that way. It can be a sign if strength if you are that person, but a derogatory term from someone who doesn't understand.

[UnderRugSwept]

Are you upset because your T used the word "cutter"? I mean, I think your T was asking if the person understood because she also currently self harms or has done so in the past. I think a lot of people who never have don't understand the true emotional pain behind it. (I SH'ed for awhile so altho won't pretend to understand your very personal experience with it--I believe everyone's experience is different--I do have an idea of how you are feeling.) If you find the label "cutter" to be insensitive, I think you should tell your T how you feel about it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Red75

Personally, and not trying to answer for OP here, but I think it's always unhelpful if someone makes it about the person, not their behaviour, eg 'he experiences bulimia' is much better than 'he's a bulimic' cos then it's showing that the person just has that behaviour, it's not actually who they are.

Also, and again personally, cutter is a very difficult word to use, especially when you are one. I think maybe it's how my friend who is gay calls himself a poof but would be offended if someone else referred to him that way. It can be a sign if strength if you are that person, but a derogatory term from someone who doesn't understand.

Oh, okay. That makes sense.

[Abe Froman]

I think anything that bothers you should be brought up with your T. My T feels that way too. It's not the end of the world, just like with your personal friends or family, tell them what the boundaries are. Just politely tell the T the way they phrased was a little insensitive. I think they'll understand.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Yeah, it's sounds like he slipped up a bit. It's like with anything, a person shouldn't be described as being their illness, disability etc. For example I would say someone has a disability, I wouldn't say a person was disabled. But I don't think, as a one off, it's a huge deal. People sometimes say things that come out the wrong way, I'm careful but I'm sure I have. I also SH, but my T hasn't said anything I find offensive yet.