[musinglizzy]

How can a person NOT let this happen?

I shut down during my session yesterday. First time I ever did that. I was just done. I'm not one to cry in therapy, but I did yesterday, which I'm sure contributed to my "checking out." T threw a blanket over me and sat in her chair, watching me...occasionally saying something...I don't even recall what. Thankfully she I could tell she was understanding about it....I did apologize a the end, she said I had nothing to be sorry for, and gave me a big hug.

I just didn't want to talk anymore. What I wanted to do was go to sleep. Right there. Didn't matter. So, it was a complete waste of a session, and I'm sure it's frustrating to the T when that happens...and I don't want to let it happen again if I can help it. How?

[Leah123]

I think those sessions are invaluable in therapists' eyes, not a waste whatsoever!!!!!

Expressing such emotion is often considered cathartic, and even if it doesn't feel that way, it's a sign of great vulnerability. Sharing deep emotion is powerful and some of the best use of therapeutic time I believe.

And silence is not a waste- mindful silence where you're allowed to be yourself, hurt and quiet, in good company- I think that's pretty priceless.

[unaluna]

"Just done" isnt necessarily a bad place. its a good halfway point, a turnaround point.

[alcibie1]

It sounds like there was real honesty on your part about how you felt and trust that you could show it. I hope it helped you to have someone with you at that moment and that you are ok

[wotchermuggle]

I have to keep telling myself that I need to TALK by saying something during those periods. My T picks up on when I'm checking out before I even realize it most of the time. It helps to have someone to bring it to my attention before I'm so far gone that I'm sitting there in silence for most of the session.

Does your T know when it's happening?

[musinglizzy]

Leah,
Wow....that made me think. Thank you. She did try to get me to lay down and rest for awhile. I've not been sleeping well, and she could tell I was just exhausted while I was there. I said "I'm fine," and remained sitting. I didn't want to lay down...not there.... perhaps vulnerable, I don't know. I really do feel safe there though, so not sure that's it. She ended up laying a blanket over me, telling me to just relax for awhile. I was there, but I wasn't. Just stared out the window....but couldn't see anything because my eyes were full of tears. THIS is why I don't want to cry in therapy. I shut myself down.

My T did recognize it, yes. She brought it to my attention (or what little I had). I don't think she could have stopped it this time.... this was the first time, so perhaps now she knows what to watch for. I don't know. I myself don't know what happened. We were talking, then I was crying, then I was just done. Looked out the window or sat there with my eyes closed. I was still in a bit of a fog driving home.....

I have something going on this weekend that has my anxiety level up a bit, it will be a happy, but emotional time....and I know that contributed to all of this. I see my T twice a week and see her again on Monday....we'll see what happens then. Interesting how just at my last session she told me I was such a pleasure to work with. Then, this session, I made things difficult. I even got snotty with her a couple times...that's just not me.

[Leah123]

I've had sessions like that. It's helped our relationship. Even though I might wish I'd done something "more productive" in the moment... in the long run, I look back on some of those as my most authentic sessions, the ones that have helped me feel.... messy and ok with it.

Hope your weekend and Monday session go well. I imagine she still finds you a pleasure to work with- my own jokes I'm a challenge she enjoys when I get a bit "snotty"- you wouldn't want yours bored, would you?

(P.S. I'm often seriously sleep deprived, so I know what you mean I think about that "done" spacey, hard to talk, hard to be present feeling. My therapist hasn't minded at all, and we seem to do good work consistently, so... I try not to judge it.)

[musinglizzy]

True that!

[Aloneandafraid]

Your T sounds wonderful. I hope your weekend goes well and your session on Monday. Take care of yourself. Xxx

[musinglizzy]

She really is wonderful. I'm blessed to have found her.

[musinglizzy]

I have my next appt tomorrow (well, it is tomorrow now....Monday). I am nervous. I think I was snotty, and that it just wasn't a good session. Having a weak moment!

[Tongalee]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I have my next appt tomorrow (well, it is tomorrow now....Monday). I am nervous. I think I was snotty, and that it just wasn't a good session. Having a weak moment!

You can do this. I've had many appointments that have gone awry and that I've left from certain I would never return due to me being snotty or just plain rude, but my t always understand. A good t should be able to see whatever you said as a defense for yourself and your feelings and not s personal attack on her.

Today, she might ask you to talk about how the last session felt/how it feels to be back in the room with her now. My t likes to ask those questions to get out my scared feelings and work on them. Often I apologize profusely and she simply tells me that that is not necessary at all, but she does want to know what I remember about how I felt and if I was thinking of anything in that moment.

Good luck today and keep us updated. Sounds like you're t had a lot of experience and enjoys writing with you. I don't see anything going wrong today

[musinglizzy]

Thank you for your encouragement. I did manage to muster an apology at the end of the session last week, and she, too, said I have nothing to apologize for. I just found the whole experience uncomfortable and don't want it to happen again.

[Tongalee]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thank you for your encouragement. I did manage to muster an apology at the end of the session last week, and she, too, said I have nothing to apologize for. I just found the whole experience uncomfortable and don't want it to happen again.

Yeah I think that's completely reasonable. Let last week be a bonding experience if nothing else. I mean how many other people in your life have you allowed to see you in a state like that. I know for me it was really trust building because I at no point thought she was going to hurt me or judge me (when I thought back on it is a different story lol). I realized it was a really nice feeling to be in that vulnerable state and know that the person your with is there for you and not planning to take advantage of you at all.

[musinglizzy]

My T is truly the best!