I opened up much more this week about how I feel about him. By the following ways:

-Sent an email, ended it by saying " we do love you don't hate us"
-He let's me borrow books, I borrowed "tales of love" by Julia kristevia.
-Told him I didn't want him to go away, but apologised for saying it.
-Said "I can't get you out of my head, I hate getting so obsessed with people".
-said "I hate it that your at work when your with me"

He responded to non of the above. Didn't say anything or if he did it was not directly related. Yes it's psychoanalysis. But I now feel utterly, utterly pathetic and like I should not have said anything. Fail. now I have 2 weeks to feel pathetic for. I feel pathetic posting this even.

[HazelGirl]

If he's traditional, blank slate psychoanalytic, he won't respond. That's exactly what is supposed to happen. But if he's more involved and engaged (if he asks questions, talks to you, tells about little pieces of his life), how about you tell him directly instead of dropping hints? He may be waiting for you to bring it up in an obvious way because it can get awkward quickly if you're not ready to talk about it.

He is involved and active. I know nothing about him and all he ever does is ask questions really, but we have a laugh half the time.

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like you need to bring it up next appointment and talk honestly about it. Dropping hints doesn't seem to be working well for you, and is just frustrating you.

I did though say it over email. I brought up the email in conversation, silence.

I don't want to spend my life like this, obsessing over someone who barely cares. I am a small part of his job, that is all. I hate myself right now. I feel it strips my dignity and self respect.
I'm happily married! I actually am. Maybe I'm just greedy. I wish I didn't need analysis. Maybe I should leave.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by StarShank

I don't want to spend my life like this, obsessing over someone who barely cares.

Have you ever felt like this before, about someone else? A parent perhaps?

Last T. But no one else. Just ****ing sick of it.

[always_wondering]

I feel your pain. Hang in there. Keep an open mind, and over time, it will get better. I felt the same way and shrugged through it. Its a process and you are in the thick of it. If your T is as professional as mine , he/she will see you through it.. just in their annoying blank slated way.

[NWgirl2013]

And don't forget to tell yourself, that you are a feeling person, so of course you have feelings for your T.
It is a very common thing that they experience with A Lot of their patients so don't feel bad or embarrassed. It just shows you to be human. A Good thing all in all and his non reaction shows that he is not going to let it get in the way of your therapy. He is keeping the boundaries in place. Thank your lucky stars he is professional with you... It shows he cares.

Best of luck to you as you work through this very normal attachment.

Starshank: OMG! I'm so sorry for you that your T said nothing after you tried to tell him your feelings. Guess it's a good thing you didn't come out and tell him more. Don't feel bad, your not the only one whose T didn't know how to respond.

Hazelgirl: I don't understand how it could be "right" for a T not to respond? Is that what you are saying that psychoanalysts don't respond? What if you just looked up a T and had no idea about what kind of therapy they ascribe to? I mean, when someone is in trouble don't most people just pick out any T with a roll of the dice?

Originally Posted by Winterski

Starshank: OMG! I'm so sorry for you that your T said nothing after you tried to tell him your feelings. Guess it's a good thing you didn't come out and tell him more. Don't feel bad, your not the only one whose T didn't know how to respond.


Hazelgirl: I don't understand how it could be "right" for a T not to respond? Is that what you are saying that psychoanalysts don't respond? What if you just looked up a T and had no idea about what kind of therapy they ascribe to? I mean, when someone is in trouble don't most people just pick out any T with a roll of the dice?

I agree with you Winterski, most people don't look to see what type of therapy a t practices because A: they don't understand the different theories and B: they just need help at this time in their lives.
I think a t not responding regardless of what therapy they offer is not supportive or helpful. It takes a lot of courage to admit these feelings to ones t. Starshank, I am sorry you didn't get the support or response you needed but don't be disheartened, I think you are very brave to share them with your t and I admire you for you courage and honesty. It's just a shame that he didn't or couldn't see that

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Cherubbs]

Originally Posted by StarShank

I opened up much more this week about how I feel about him. By the following ways:

-Sent an email, ended it by saying " we do love you don't hate us"
-He let's me borrow books, I borrowed "tales of love" by Julia kristevia.
-Told him I didn't want him to go away, but apologised for saying it.
-Said "I can't get you out of my head, I hate getting so obsessed with people".
-said "I hate it that your at work when your with me"

He responded to non of the above. Didn't say anything or if he did it was not directly related. Yes it's psychoanalysis. But I now feel utterly, utterly pathetic and like I should not have said anything. Fail. now I have 2 weeks to feel pathetic for. I feel pathetic posting this even.

It might just be me but it really doesn't sound like you were saying anything more than that you are fond of him which is nice and nothing at all unusual, you just state that you are feeling a bit attached to him really. I'll swim against the current here and say if you felt so bad about him not responding to these remarks then perhaps just leave it for now and bring it up when you are feeling better about it, if you still want to.

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

He is keeping the boundaries in place. Thank your lucky stars he is professional with you... It shows he cares.

Best of luck to you as you work through this very normal attachment.

My goodness did your post help. Thank-You. Thinking about how he is staying boundried is seriously going to keep me sane and reduce my suffering. You are right, he is being professional. I know others will disagree with his approach and perhaps think it cold or uncaring, but it fits well for me. I would *HATE* it if he did half the things i read about on here (hugs, personal disclosure, giving his opinion a lot). Normal attachment, this is what i will keep telling myself.
Seriously thank you so much.

Originally Posted by Cherubbs

It might just be me but it really doesn't sound like you were saying anything more than that you are fond of him which is nice and nothing at all unusual, you just state that you are feeling a bit attached to him really. I'll swim against the current here and say if you felt so bad about him not responding to these remarks then perhaps just leave it for now and bring it up when you are feeling better about it, if you still want to.

Yup, you could be right, I did not go OTT in disclosing my feelings. I'll talk about how i feel pathetic next time...that will involve bring it up anyway. Thanks.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I agree with you Winterski, most people don't look to see what type of therapy a t practices because A: they don't understand the different theories and B: they just need help at this time in their lives.

I agree, unless you have an understanding about the different types it is impossible to make an informed choice and I feel that is a real shame. Its not as if you would pick your treatment for cancer randomly out of a bag of...randoms.

It takes a lot of courage to admit these feelings to ones t. Starshank, I am sorry you didn't get the support or response you needed but don't be disheartened, I think you are very brave to share them with your t and I admire you for you courage and honesty. It's just a shame that he didn't or couldn't see that

See I'm not 100% sure it is not what i needed. I think there is a high chance that by not responding he was being cruel to be kind. I think he could have said a bit more, but he is not perfect. Both of us know I have the ability to become OBSESSED with people (not stalker obsessed but pretty damn obsessed) I'm at analysis to try and move on from my old T who I could not get over. So the erotic/love transference has just moved onto him now. So, he has known this will probobably happen for a while. I think there is a good chance he does admire my courage and honesty but is not saying that (I don't get praised!) He he. You know, your helping me process this and i think i am going to reserve judgement about his approach and trust him a bit more. I'm ok. I will talk about it again and see how things go. Thank-you.

"My commitment to analysis (intermittent throughout, but no less intense than at the beginning), which through the person of the analyst carries me toward a focal point of power and knowledge--in a narcissistic fusion, an indispensable idealization given the weakness I experience as a premature and separate creature--is ultimately shaken by the discovery that the other is fleeing me, that I will never possess him or even touch him as my desires imagined him, ideally satisfying. What is more, this discovery reveals that I myself, at the deepest level of my wants and desires, am unsure, centerless, and divided. This does not eliminate my capacities for commitment and trust but makes them, literally and in no other way, playable (in the sense that a piece of music is playable)."

Julia Kristeva.

[AllyIsHopeful]

You're not pathetic, it is really normal. Two weeks could feel like forever when your bothered by something, but I bet you the feelings will lessen each day. Would you consider directly asking your T if you guys could discuss this matter next session?
Not to say feelings like these are always transference, I do believe they could be very real; but they usually are transference-related. It may help to have this discussion with your T so you could figure out what your feelings mean. (if they're real, transference, where they're coming from, etc.)

Feel better.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Winterski

Starshank: OMG! I'm so sorry for you that your T said nothing after you tried to tell him your feelings. Guess it's a good thing you didn't come out and tell him more. Don't feel bad, your not the only one whose T didn't know how to respond.

Hazelgirl: I don't understand how it could be "right" for a T not to respond? Is that what you are saying that psychoanalysts don't respond? What if you just looked up a T and had no idea about what kind of therapy they ascribe to? I mean, when someone is in trouble don't most people just pick out any T with a roll of the dice?

I don't think it's right or that's how it should be. But that definitely is what their theoretical framework encourages. I really disagree with "blank slate" therapy, but I was trying to point out that if she did have that kind of therapy, her T would never have brought it up.

[doyoutrustme]

Call him out on it! Look at him straight in the eye and say "your turn!" It can be fun.

tapatalk post.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I don't think it's right or that's how it should be. But that definitely is what their theoretical framework encourages. I really disagree with "blank slate" therapy, but I was trying to point out that if she did have that kind of therapy, her T would never have brought it up.

Hmmm. I don't think this has anything to do with blank slate. A blank slate therapist would be very interested in the client's feelings, but only wouldn't reveal his own. Blank slate is not the same as ignoring. Not at all...But maybe i'm missing something here.

(((StarShank))) I have no idea what's going on! I am sorry
I was wondering what to say earlier-but I am just perplexed. My only guess was that he didn't really get the message. It was odd he wouldn't be curious about which book you had chosen, regardless if it was about love or not. What did he say when you chose the book? How did he respond to your e-mail overall?

Will you be able to say "T, last week when I said this, you ignored me. Why?". Wishing you the courage to bring it up again; maybe more directly this time. I know its hard!

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