How to move from reactive to responsive?

I've been reflecting a lot about how upsetting things affect me. I think I was just assuming that being upset was to be expected. Now I'm not sure about that. I am wondering if I have been reactive, when there may be another way, which is to be responsive. And then how to use therapy to work on this if that is a distinction that makes sense.

I can understand two different things about why I thought that being reactive was not a problem. First when I entered therapy I was totally emotionally ignorant. So all this work to open up to emotions and learn about them I guess I was taking as improvement.

Second the other part is that although I don't have most of the other symptoms of PTSD any more, I do still have times of hyperarousal. So I am still sensitive and vulnerable to things that can set me off that have even physiological effects. And it is difficult to return to baseline once that is all set off.

I don't want to go backwards and over control emotions, but it does seem that there could be a big difference between being reactive and being responsive. I've never had a goal like this before and not sure how to approach it and use therapy to work on it.

Reactive - responding out of emotions without thought, leading to unhealthy means of expressing those emotions
Responsive - acknowledging your emotions and, with the help of logic, expressing them in a healthy way

Honestly, it just takes practice. Awareness when it's happening, and then practice doing it.

I'm also reactive, but have few PTSD symptoms left. One thing that I've realized about myself is that I'm more sensitive than other people, and because of this I tend to have stronger reactions to things. The thing that I notice most of all when I have a strong reaction is that I'm immediately critical of myself (probably because I was criticized so much as a child for having strong reactions). What helps me the most with this is to give myself time to accept my strong reaction before I do anything. This means not doing things like trying to justify getting so upset, but just acknowledging that I am upset, and that I'm having the feelings that I'm having. Doing this can require having a bit a space from other people so I can sit down and talk to myself. But I notice that the more insecure I am about my own reaction, or the more I assume that others will see my reaction as inappropriate the more I react, and try to justify how I react. Try giving yourself time to have the feelings, its ok to be sensitive and feel things deeply, you don't need to justify that to anyone.

HazelGirl, yeah I see a place for "mindfulness." I know a lot of people are sick of that term, like it is a fad thing, but I'm a buddhist so it actually has meaning for me. So to have some sort of reflective place in addition to just emotion seems to be a way to approach this.

Depletion, sorry you were criticized as a child. I wasn't, but I wasn't allowed to have any emotions at all. That's why I say that having emotions now is like an achievement, but they are often strong so I am now seeing that perhaps there are other ways to be. I am sensitive and do feel things deeply; perhaps learning to sit with that and be more comfortable instead of stirred up would be something to work on. Maybe learning to keep company with myself more somehow if that is possible.

Yeah i tend to disappear when carp happens. Id like to be able to stay on track.

When I read your OP I did think of meditation: I feel that meditation (and by extension, mindfulness in daily life) has helped me with this sort of issue. I haven't been practising all that long and it's certainly not a "solved" issue but I do think it helps. Have you found similarly? I have found it helpful to listen to podcasts of talks by Andrea Fella (they are free online; you might find them interesting if you're a Buddhist).

I'll check that out. I subscribe to Tricycle so watch stuff of theirs. And a mod posted a really good talk about how to be your own therapist that had reactivity as a topic in the Other Treatments section.

Both my shrink and the covering shrink while he is away have suggested meditation. I have started up my practice again. Thing is, when I am upset to the point that there is hyperarousal and I feel like I'm in a swirl it is very very difficult to meditate. If I try, usually the feelings are magnified. I can use mindfulness in an activity though. And I started taking Tai Chi classes to learn a more active way to have a kind of moving meditation.

Perhaps also working on the edges of the remaining PTSD in therapy would also help since I think that is contributing. My shrink said that anyone would have been upset in my situation. And I tried to manage it in healthy ways. Still…I would like to not be thrown off as much.