Pushing People Away

I know this feeling really well. It's been my reality or unreality in the past. It's a horrible place to be. My former therapist was very similar to yours. She just stayed steady and waited me out in a very supportive way. If I quit, she didn't pressure me to return, but when I would call to "unquit" there was always an appointment available to me. When I reached the appointment, she never shamed me or scolded me about wasting her time. We'd simply pick up were we left off, processing what happened and how to work toward calming the storm.

I call it a storm because that's what it felt like to me. A storm of emotion. I often compared it to a wild sand storm. It stung and hurt when I was in the thick of it, and the sand was so heavy and wild, swirling around me, that I couldn't see or think straight. But what I learned is that I always came out the other side. ALWAYS.

[/QUOTE] I do not do DBT although I have always thought it might be helpful for me.
I don't calm myself really well. It's an ongoing struggle for me, and a lot of the methods my T has given me haven't worked very well. About the only thing I know works is progressive muscle relaxation, but it also makes me start crying and it takes a long time before I am able to calm down and stop crying.[/QUOTE]

When things calm down for you, Hazelgirl, I really encourage you to seek out DBT. My therapist wasn't trained in it, but she was very supportive of me teaching myself the skills. There wasn't a group in my area, but I found a site on line, bought Marsha Linhan's workbook and I worked that thing like crazy. If I needed to talk about a skill and practice it in session, my therapist helped me with that. Did DBT cure me? No, my relationship with my therapist helped me find stability, but the DBT enhanced that relationship and calmed my storms significantly.

Go to your appointment. You will come out the other side of this storm.

My other thread updates on this.

But as for DBT, I think that might be a good idea. My T has a few DBT technique books, and some have been out on her desk in recent weeks, so I know she is at least a little knowledgable in it. She has also pulled in a few DBT techniques (such as mindfulness), but not anywhere near everything. Maybe I will mention it to her.

I am terrified of what she will say on Wednesday, though. I don't know whether she is angry at me for all of this mess.

She will not be angry with you Hazelgirl. She is a therapist after all��. I'm sure she has experienced much worse from other clients in her career. Instead of arguing the point or over thinking it, just act. You really just need 10 seconds of courage to send her a simple text that you'll be there as usual, and again to walk through her door at your appointment. After that the intensity will subside. You will be just fine, I really believe that.

I put an update on my other post about this topic. I am going, but I told her I don't think I can talk about any of this.