How do you deal with feelings?

Since starting therapy, I've been learning how to recognise, listen to, understand and cope with feelings. My T's approach encouages me to discover my own meanings and understandings, and I still really struggle with what to do with my emotions. I don't know whether to accept negative emotions and simply let them be or whether I should comfort myself through distraction and other techniques. I just feel like I'm always running from my emotions, and that I use distraction to the extreme - like a form of dissociation. Then again, if I don't do this I become overwhelmed and suicidal. The consequence of all this is that I either don't connect with my feelings or I am debilitated by them.

How do you work with your emotions? Does anyone else have this problem? What's the right balance between allowing emotions and dwelling on them?

My understanding of mindfulness is that one of the key elements is to notice the feelings, acknowledge them, then kind of move on- not deliberately suppressing or ignoring it but just not engaging with it.when I can keep at it it does work well to stop the overwhelming feelings.
I read a good book, mindful compassion by Paul Gilbert, might be worth a look?
Xxxx

I have the same issue. My coping mechanism has always been to stuff everything, hide it in a box in my mind, and never feel it again. This led to explosive episodes of rage when I had really taken all that I could take.

I haven't found a good way to work this yet. My meds have helped by dulling my overly emotional responses. I recognize in my head that I'm content or aggravated, angry and upset, and occasionally giddy and happy. What no longer happens is the physical response, elevated heart rate, adrenaline rush, trembling hands, and hyperventilating.

That makes it a lot less scary to feel them and acknowledge them, but I still don't know exactly what to do after that.

Do I wallow in it, which is so opposite of stuffing it? Do I acknowledge it and let it go, because that feels like stuffing to me?

In my relationships it has helped tremendously because I no longer argue, explode, and run away. When my teenager picks a fight with me I respond with a very flat affect, and she says it's condescending. But she and I have much deeper conversations now because we don't light each other's fuse and wait for the Big Bang. In fact, she gets sick of talking and asks to be excused before I am finished, so it is already making a huge difference.

Let me know if you have any other advice, I'm all ears!

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It all seems to be frustration and helplessness for me lately. How *does* one cope with being frustrated and helpless anyway?! I can't get anything done! It's so frustrating!!
Well, I suppose at least I know why I can't get anything done. I can't get anything done because I'm feeling frustrated and helpless and it's making me even more frustrated. Argh!
This post is going nowhere. Sorry. I got nothing.

Eta: Incidentally, I deal with it by laughing at myself as much as possible, which I'm not entirely sure is helpful because I *want* to be taken seriously. Instead I tend to feel like a walking bad joke...

Feel them, feel them, express them, express them, ice cream.

Like... cry, rage, nap, write, ice cream.

Throw stuff, stomp, knit, coffee, books

Ice cream is my favorite way of expressing emotions

I prefer pie. Seriously, this might sound wimpy, but when I am on the right meds, everything is so much easier.

I try to remember that feelings just "are" and they are there to provide helpful information of what's going on with me. I use to try to get rid of the unpleasant/sad ones but then I thought about it and would ask myself, "How would you rather feel in this situation?" and I don't want to be laughing at funerals or anything? If I'm scared/anxious I look at the situation, see what exactly is worrying/scaring me and what I can do to better prepare or have things go better the "next" time, etc.

I thought that coping skills were solely for distraction.

There are a few things my T has taught me.
1. All feelings are real and appropriate.
2. Feelings will change.
3. Feelings are not negative; you just might not like feeling certain ones.
4. You should honor your feelings; not repress or ignore them.
5. Feelings need to be expressed in a healthy manner.
6. Coping skills are not distractions. They are ways to met the needs behind the feelings.

Examples of meeting needs:
You feel lonely: go outside, call someone, volunteer, take a class, be with friends/family.
You feel sad: comfort yourself, cuddle with a blanket, cry, make hot tea/chocolate, take a warm bath/shower.
You feel worthless: do something you're good at, help someone else.
You feel vulnerable: do things that make you feel strong/safe...be with friends/family, exercise, take a martial arts class, change your environment.

I obsess about other thing as a distraction. I stuff them back into whereever they came from. And occasionally, I explode.

Depends on the type of feelings... Anger, t and I are working on now.

Anything else, mindful acknowledgement and acceptance of said feelings, I let myself feel them, cry a bit if I need to, let them pass... If they don't like this morning, write... Channel them into a poem.... If that doesn't work, I drum for myself, and then.... Ice cream!

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Just try to let them pass

Thanks for the replies everyone! I think I just haven't found what works for me yet. As someone who's been dissociated from my feelings for so long, I guess it's going to take some to figure out. Have any of you been dissociated from your feelings and learned to get in touch with them? Do any of you ever feel physically diseased with emotion and not know how to deal with it?

Well, I don't feel diseased, but I do feel very strange. Hard to describe the feeling - trying to understand it/them seems to be like trying to grab onto mist. There but not there...

Sorry for your difficulties. I think the answer sort of depends on what kind of therapy you are doing. Because different therapies have different views about emotions and how to manage them. The method I personally use is that if I can find a clear cause, I try to fix it or do something about it. If I feel enraged every time the neighbor starts making a lot of noise, I suppose I could tell them or if they ignore me, I could take them to court or alternatively just leave the building. But what if I get triggered by a lot of different things? What if the trigger is not clear?

An hour ago while sitting here suddenly I started to have palpitations and nausea and anxiety and anger. I was not doing anything unusual, so why was I feeling that way? Part of my mind wanted to get to the bottom of it. Main thing is I wanted it all to go away and fast. What I did is first become aware of it. That's how I feel. And specifically the various symptoms. Then I let it be. If I fear the symptoms or be mad at the symptoms or get into a fight with the symptoms, I make them worse.

Rumi has a poem called The Guest House. ( The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks ). The poem is about letting emotions be.

But what if they are so extreme, so out of control, that you can't let them be? I have used grounding methods or distraction in those cases. There is no point in trying to think through them because they are very powerful. It would be like me trying to walk through a sea of soldiers approaching from the other side. I will let them pass. Obviously breathing also helps (though some people prefer distraction more). I've had terrible panic attacks in the past and days when I experienced 50-60 powerful panic attack, such that I did not know when one began and the other ended. I tried to distract myself by TV. I've found classical music also helpful. Warm bath, a walk outside, and other things also help. Like doing something involving senses, like chewing gum or tasting something or massage.

Then, maybe next day or another time later, I can reflect on the incident, specifically what happened before it. Or discuss it with my therapist. If I realize I was speaking with my mom, I recognize the topic or her tone or whatever as the trigger. Knowing the trigger won't make the feeling go away but will make it understandable and not so foreign. I feel more empowered. I can anticipate it.

At the end of the day, it is about your type of therapy and you yourself. Sometimes therapists themselves tell you to experiment with things: what works and what doesn't? Often distraction can not be the main or only strategy because it throws you off your path. If I'm driving and have to pull over every two minutes to distract myself, I can't get to my destination. So that's why these other strategies are important, and that's why therapists can help us pinpoint the cause or the situations that give rise to the most persistent or overwhelming of emotional reactions.

Keep on keeping on things can get better.
Love , live and laugh.

Drink orange tea, cuddle , read some positive poetry.

Enjoy Life.

Feel good and express your good feelings.

God loves you and so do I .

God bless!

Thanks for sharing the poem, Partless! Beautiful. Leaves me thinking ...

I love you too, Big Moma x

Thank you for this Scarlet! I have not seen an example of this, of actions to take for specific feelings. Maybe I haven't looked! But this makes a lot of sense as not all tools work for everything!

If all else fails I stuff, stuff them away......no longer with alcohol, but food!! Arrgh. At least the doors are beginning to open and allow them all out, just need to learn to accept them.

I drink. I'm sorry if that's blunt. But that's how I've dealt with feelings my whole entire adult life(I'm 36 now). Of course T is concerned about that. She says I'm not an alcoholic, but she's worried I will become one. But I told her, and I'm sticking to this, that I wouldn't drink once starting meds until I could have a conversation with the pdoc about drinking and antidepressants.