[Soccer mom]

Have your T's talked to you about your attachment to them? I have fought all the positive feelings for my T never wanting to need her or rely on her. Last session I finally opened up about what I've gone through the past 3 months. Fighting my feelings of being close to her, feeling like she's my mom, my T and how I wish she could give me what my mom didn't. I even explained that I have fought the feelings for her feeling like I'm imposing since she can't reciprocate. That in any other relationship I would back down.
She said now that I have studied the concepts I need to feel the emotions. She didn't want me to read all that I have and get stuck on therapy concepts. But I still wish she would say it's ok to be attached to her. The closest she has gotten has been asking me why it's a bad thing.
Just wish she would be more verbal.

[stopdog]

The first woman I see has said she thinks I am attached to her. The second one does not speak of such foolish things.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have. Most of the time the topic is dodged. Only recently did she respond by asking is it too much for me. That sent me into a panic that she was going to push me away.

I'm leaning that I just have to accept the feelings are there. They're not wrong or right; they just are. I also have to accept the fact that I'm attached to someone younger than me.

Therapeutic relationship can be very emotionally intimate. Feelings usually come with the territory.

[unaluna]

"Why is that a bad thing?" is common t phraseology, which i personally think stinks. Isnt that encouraging back and white thinking, calling things good or bad?? Its a stupid lazy question and i hate it, and i hate any t who ever used it on me. It never got me anywhere, it just intimidated me.

Just sayin! Hope you deal with it better than i did/do

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by hankster

"Why is that a bad thing?" is common t phraseology, which i personally think stinks. Isnt that encouraging back and white thinking, calling things good or bad?? Its a stupid lazy question and i hate it, and i hate any t who ever used it on me. It never got me anywhere, it just intimidated me.

Just sayin! Hope you deal with it better than i did/do

I guess it didn't bother me because I've looked for any clue that it's ok. And I told her the next session that it's ok to feel close. But that was the silent session when she didn't talk. Should have picked another time to say something. Lol

[justdesserts]

One time. I work very hard not to feel attached, but we had one session when I felt very attached, and we talked about the next time I saw him. Other than that one time, we never even come close to broaching the topic.

[Leah123]

Oh yes, we've talked about the attachment quite a bit. My emotions around it have been volatile, but increasingly comfortable and pleasant as time goes on. I find it wonderful that we're very open about it, very aware of it, use it and she's welcoming of it.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Oh yes, we've talked about the attachment quite a bit. My emotions around it have been volatile, but increasingly comfortable and pleasant as time goes on. I find it wonderful that we're very open about it, very aware of it, use it and she's welcoming of it.

How has it come up? Mine would probably be willing to talk about it. I'm the one who feels strange about it.

[sailorboy]

Yes, very often but I always bring it up.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The first woman I see has said she thinks I am attached to her. The second one does not speak of such foolish things.

Stopdog, I love you so much for your brutal honesty.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

How has it come up? Mine would probably be willing to talk about it. I'm the one who feels strange about it.

Well, it's come up so many ways and times I can hardly specify, but I remember one of the first major discussions we had directly about it, I was telling her about how I'd attached to other figures earlier in life, the teacher's pet, the hanger-on on a crisis line, etc., what a complex relationship I'd had with many women.

I'd been crying and somehow admitted/explained how trying it had been for me, that history of attaching to women for the short term. And then somehow I was telling her about how I just wanted stability with her, someone to rely on, long term, and she was so welcoming and sympathetic and understanding, because she'd been that girl too.

Her ability to.... be open to me is seemingly boundless. Amazing and transformative.