I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 months and I'm having some reservations about continuing seeing this person.

First of all I have a gut feeling she doesn't like me, my self esteem is extremely low and she is exactly the kind of person I often avoid in the real world. Even though I don't know much about her I imagine she's upper middle class and a bit of a snob but is this just my own low self esteem or my negative thinking? She has tried to accommodate me by rescheduling my appointments so she's not late. This is a mental health clinic with a large waiting room and many clients waiting for appointments and the therapists have to find a room before coming to get you.

One thing I've considered is if she's having some counter transference towards me, like maybe she's worried I'm developing a crush on her but I'm afraid to ask. I have to admit I do find her very attractive, intelligent and mature but I would never be inappropriate or disrespect her boundaries. In our last session I did mention that I'm thinking of dropping out of therapy because I don't want to get attached, the truth is I was testing her to see if she would show any genuine caring but she acted like she could care a less whether I show up or not. Another thing I mentioned was that the relationship between the therpist and client is ultimatly fake even though I would like to believe it's a real friendship and she agreed with me, I guess I should appreciate that she's honest but still. I even mentioned my birthday is coming up next week which is always a very depressing lonely time for me but again she showed no compassion or didn't even bother to say happy birthday or anything. I came away from that session feeling very hurt and uncared for.

This therapy is making me feel even worse about myself and more suicidal. I know it's not her job to give me self esteem but to help me find it. One thing I always do is to try to get self worth from others. But I'm beginning to feel like a sucker for opening up to her telling her things about myself I've never told anybody, making myself vulnerable to a person who doesn't give a **** about me.

One other thing this is the third therapist I've seen at this place and so far she has been the most professional out of all the others but it still feels very cold, uncaring and calloused.

[HazelGirl]

These all sound like things to talk to her about because they're "hunches" with no evidence. You have no idea whether any of that is actually true.

[growlycat]

I know it is becoming a Psychcentral cliche, but show her this post.
At worst it will confirm what you fear anyways, at best she may be surprised how she is coming across.

My T is very attractive and I was wary at first of seeing someone like that. I felt that he would automatically hate me for being someone who struggles with fitness and health. That is "my stuff" coloring the situation. He has actually turned out to be pretty caring.

I'd urge you to discuss your doubts with your T. I discussed my doubts in an emotion laden session a while ago (I couldn't seem to be calm about it), it helped. I treated the session as if it was my last one - I truly felt half way through that I would not come back, so said everything I wanted to, it was a hard session, but really helpful. I saw something recently that said 'be brutally honest' in therapy to get the most out of it.

I also might suggest to your T that they establish a room booking system at the clinic - what an unprofessional way to go about their clinic - with T's scrabbling for rooms when the client arrives?

[Partless]

Scott900091, the way you describe her, she sounds somewhat cold and uncaring. It doesn't look like you have a good rapport with her. I am in particular concerned because you say therapy is making you feel worse about yourself and more suicidal.

I think three months is a decent amount of time to try somebody out and then consider change.

But I think equally important to ask is what are your other options? Are you financially well off?

I was in a somewhat similar position years ago and having to see a therapist in a large mental health clinic and I felt she did not care for me but I also felt like I did not have a choice because that was the only place somebody would see me for a very reduced price.

So first thing in my view is look at the options you have available. And look into that. Second thing is to bring up some of the feelings you are having, with her. I think it's important that you don't overwhelm yourself or put yourself in a very vulnerable position because she may or may not respond to you in a caring way. So start slow and see how she responds to you feeling neglected or uncared for. If she does respond in the way that does show you she cares, then you can share more and more with her in terms of what you think is going on with her uncaring attitude towards you. Based on her response and based on the options you have, you can proceed from there, to continue seeing her or see another therapist that you are able to afford.

Good luck.

I plan on confronting her in our next session but I admit I'm scared she well dump me as her client. I have a deep fear of rejection and people not liking me. Maybe I have AvPD?

This mental health clinic I'm going to is being payed for by DSHS and I'm not working so I can't afford a fully trained therapist. Getting a job and keeping it is part of my treatment plan.

What I didn't mention was all 3 therapists I've seen at this place are trainees trying to get their masters and it seems there's a high turnover rate.

In the beginning she was very nice but in our third session I got emotional about my father passing away and the last words he said to me was "Your not married yet" and it really bothers me that at my age I'm still single and have never been married. Anyway just for a moment I looked up and caught her giving me a dirty look. So its possible she mistakenly thought I was directing this towards her. Socializing more and getting into a relationship is also part of my personalized treatment plan.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Scott900091

I plan on confronting her in our next session but I admit I'm scared she well dump me as her client. I have a deep fear of rejection and people not liking me. Maybe I have AvPD?

This mental health clinic I'm going to is being payed for by DSHS and I'm not working so I can't afford a fully trained therapist. Getting a job and keeping it is part of my treatment plan.

What I didn't mention was all 3 therapists I've seen at this place are trainees trying to get their masters and it seems there's a high turnover rate.

In the beginning she was very nice but in our third session I got emotional about my father passing away and the last words he said to me was "Your not married yet" and it really bothers me that at my age I'm still single and have never been married. Anyway just for a moment I looked up and caught her giving me a dirty look. So its possible she mistakenly thought I was directing this towards her. Socializing more and getting into a relationship is also part of my personalized treatment plan.

This really sounds like you're having difficulty separating your stuff from hers. It sounds like you are attributing motives and behaviours to her that are less about what she is actually saying and more about your own anxieties and apprehensions about how she and perhaps others see you.

To me, it sounds like a huge stretch to imagine that she would hear you talk about your dad and his feelings about you not being married and take from this that you are hitting on her. This sounds like a very big distortion. I doubt she was giving you a "dirty" look. Maybe she looked upset because you were describing something very upsetting and was empathizing with you.

Check in with her sometimes. Ask what she's thinking. Don't let your inner dialogue go uninterrupted.

Considering the high turnover and training component of the clinic, it might be worth just focusing on the employment goal of your treatment plan. With a job, you'll have health benefits and/or money to find a therapist to work on the other issues, and your chances of finding a better fit will be greater.

It is hard to know how much of your disconnect is the nature of the therapy the clinic offers and how much is actually the therapist herself. I've had a friend attend appts with me when I was in a bad frame of mind and her impressions of the provider were entirely different than mine, much more positive. I just couldn't see it. I'm just sharing that because I know it's a real possibility that you are misreading this therapist, but I also don't want to discount the fact that you are not comfortable in the relationship and have valid reasons for that.