Odd termination?

I can't help but feel there is some kind of borderline element going on here.

Hellboy

You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink. Thats why the posting guidelines recommend being supportive?

I'm curious, what does "some kind of borderline element" mean in regards to this discussion?

Borderline personality behavior.

If you are referring to the original poster, PaulaS, did they convey to you that they had been diagnosed with BPD or did they indicate that they struggle with Borderline Personality behavior?

I don't understand how this fits.

No, I just can't rule it out as a factor in the series of events that was described to me as well as this discussion about those events. Some of the behavior appears self-destructive to me, perhaps self-sabotage, and possible resistance or deflection from treatment. Self-awareness is important and all possibilities be considered in order to best facilitate treatment.

Are you a mental health professional trained to make diagnoses over the Internet, and had the poster indicated that she wanted you to diagnose her? Otherwise, this kind of pronouncement is not at all constructive.

Sure it is. It's not a diagnosis, it's an observation. The poster obviously wanted feedback otherwise she wouldn't have posted it for all the world to see. I'm not stating it as a fact, merely an opinion. I may be wrong, so what? Isn't it possibly? Isn't anything possible? Is the forum limited to "I'm sorry to hear that" responses or is challenging one's thinking allowed?

If the poster were unaware that she was being self-sabotaging, and that indeed was the case, do you not it would be important for her to become aware of that?

This feels like a sort of label, the sort that professionals use, is it really helpful in understanding how a person has reacted in a specific situation? I can't personally can't see the link here. I feel such sympathy for the poster as her T said to her she was terminating with her and so she was completely powerless. I too sent a highly critical email to my T, and had a completely different response, we had a 'rupture' and it was a really positive thing in my therapy, my therapy is now going better than ever.

However I do think it might be helpful for Paula to go to the one termination session that has been offered, even though time has passed, it might help her to express some of the anger she feels.

There is a very, very big difference between a) observing what appears to be self-sabotaging, from the extremely limited information we have here, and commenting on that from our own individual perspective, and b) saying "I can't help but feel there is some kind of borderline element going on here", which is an assessment and a diagnosis which have to be made within professional psychiatric discourse.

If you read threads here you'll see that people call each other out on nonconstructive behaviour all the time, and point out what we (from our narrow points of view) think we can observe. It is not the same thing as offering professional diagnoses.

I already said it was an opinion based on the knowledge I have of the condition. I said a borderline element, not diagnosis. There's enough information to pose the question. All the poster has to say is no, that's not it. I'm entitled to my own opinion, yes? My comments may be challenging but are meant to be helpful and thought provoking.

Hellboy

What rot. Black and white thinking at its finest!

That is true only in cases where the relationship has become toxic and either overtly or inadvertantly abusive.

Human relationships will always require a degree of 'working things out', negotiation, resolving disagreement and hurt in a healthy way. Therapists are not saints, ruptures happen.

Maybe so, but I'm not interested in allowing issues with the therapist to detract from the therapy itself.

Hellboy

Interesting - I can't help but feel there is some kind of autistic spectrum element going on here.

You seem to genuinely want to help yet can't see how unhelpful and inappropriate it is to make a remark like you have above.

I say this as somebody with a lot of Aspie girl/ non neurotypical traits.

You kind of miss my point. The relationship with the therapist and how we re-learn ways to deal with issues in relationships can be the very place that healing occurs.

But many times, working through the issues one might have with their therapists is more beneficial than talking about issues that don't affect the relationship. This is because you actually get to practice problem-solving in a safe environment instead of simply learning. Not everyone learns from reading or listening. Many people learn best through hands-on approaches.

Which I think is what the OP was hoping for.

Lol, that's funny. See, I didn't go into some rigamarole about how you shouldn't diagnose me, etc. It's just an opinion. If it is useful, great, if not, disregard. It's that simple.



Hellboy

I can agree with that.

Hellboy

I can see that, but depending upon the situation is not something I'd prefer to do. I think the role of the therapist is that of a guide and facilitator in achieving insight. That's how I prefer it to be, anyway.


Hellboy

Paula,

I'm sorry that you had to go through that with your T. I know what you mean about your hesitance to go to a termination session that you didn't want in the first place. It could've helped you to get some closure, but sounds like you didn't trust that your T would be honest with you about it all. So it would've been more going through the motions for her to say she offered.

I have been terminated out of the blue and it was a very shocking and painful experience for me. I spent years carrying it around without realizing it until I was able to process it with my current T, almost 10 years later. Please don't wait that long to find someone else.

And for whether or not you have "borderline traits" or blah blah blah that impacted your Ts decision is moot. The T is the professional and we go to them for help with our problems, whatever they may be. I would find a comment like that about me and my situation with my ex-T incredibly hurtful and victim-blaming. So please know that it really is the Ts responsibility to try to work things out with a client and if they feel their services are harmful, to terminate in a caring manner with referrals in hand. Anything else is wrong, IMO.

I'm sure a lot of this stuff was the Ts own crap. It happens very often. But I know that doesn't make it much less painful. I'm glad you reached out here because going through it alone is so much worse

You guys really expect a lot out of these therapists and sure can be down on them.

Why would anyone care what I think? My opinion here doesn't matter, it's just an opinion. Instead of leaping to being offended, how about considering all possibilities.

The OP initiated a sequence of events that resulted in the therapist terminating. I don't see the OP as being a victim in this situation, given what I have read here.

Hellboy

I just expect a T to do their job. Period. Maybe we differ in what we feel that job entails, idk...

So what does a person do with the possibility that they are borderline? How does that explain the Ts actions or response? That makes it ok? I don't get it....but I think we are free to have differing viewpoints just as we are free to have our feelings hurt or feel angry etc.

Every thread here is read by hundreds of people who do not post or even register as members. I have no problem with you presenting your own opinions (and needless to say you have every right to deal with your own therapy in whatever way that works best for you - I have had bad experiences of acting on advice from PC people when it comes to my therapy, so I am all in favour of going on what feels right for the individual, not on what other people here may think). But people who google for specific diagnostic labels are going to end up on this forum, more likely than not. I just don't think that's always clear to people when they post here.