Odd termination?

Sure, but the therapist explained she no longer felt this course of treatment to be appropriate, and offered a termination session and a referral recommendation. She recommended long-term psychodynamic therapy, and I wondered if DBT might also have been discussed but not mentioned here. She has met her professional and ethical obligations as a therapist. She even still leaves open the option of a termination session for the client.

My impression is that the client is refusing that session. Now there may be therapists who will do more than this, but this one behaved fairly and ethically and it is wrong to put this person down, especially when many details about this situation remain vague.

Hellboy

If I am your T and then I realize you have BPD then I am going to refer you to DBT where you can get some real help instead of just spinning your wheels with me.

Hellboy

DBT is not the only treatment. That's where I think a lot of people get caught up. It's like, oh you have that?? Well go over there cause I don't deal with that....No, that's just a reenactment. It's the Ts ignorance. Maybe this T did everything ethically but maybe not. And my T sure didn't.

It's not anyone's place to be a T here and provide an armchair diagnosis.

It's not the only treatment, but it is the primary one. I personally wouldn't deal with it because there is too much drama and manipulation involved. I have an ex who was BPD and she destroyed me.

Hellboy

I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience with your ex who suffered with BPD and that you feel the interactions between you destroyed you But not all people who show signs of BPD or who are even diagnosed with it are the same. Plus, it's the T who has to "deal with it" not you.

IMO, DBT is more to help those clients who are struggling with extreme emotional dysregulation (which, btw, is a physiological issue and does not mean manipulation and drama for the sake of manipulation and drama). It's not only for BPD, although it started out that way. But not all people who have BPD traits deal with crisis behaviors like SI or whatnot. They already cope. Like those people who exhibit quiet borderline traits/feelings and it's usually processed more internally. Causes a lot of upheaval inside but the behaviors are mostly controlled. Those people may not need DBT. I guess what I am trying to say, but not doing so eloquently here /:, is that DBT is not a cure-all. I believe that its a CBT program meant to help a person get to a place where therapy can hopefully be more likely to work.

Anyway, this thread isn't even about that. It's about Paula who is feeling hurt and a bit confused about what happened with her T. I think we should get it back to that. If you want to discuss this further, please feel free to private message me.

Take care,
Freewilled

That makes sense. Thanks.

Hellboy

Paula I really really want you to go back to this T for one final session. The wondering and the what-ifs are driving you nuts! When you see her in person you may not get the truth, you may not get the answers you need, and you may not feel any better about the whole situation.

But you definitely won't resolve the feelings you're having if you don't go back.

We all can speculate and commiserate with you, some can relate and some have healed a rupture and grown from it. But how does that help you? You need answers, you need closure, and you need referrals.

The only way you might get any of those is to go back.

Thanks for sharing this. It was the pronouncement seemingly out of nowhere that grinded me. I guess i like to know you have some blood in the game. Horrible of me to say so. Its like hazing. Sorry!

Understood. There's plenty I assure you. And in all fairness, I do not know if she was extremely borderline or purely antisocial. As time went on she got worse. I have no idea what her real diagnosis may have been except she denied having any.

Hellboy

Yes, that´s absolutely my point. The mistakes that´s made in the relationship with the T is most likely similar to the mistakes done in other relationships as well and I think it´s a huge fault made bu the T to judge and make a continued therapy impossible.

I think as long a client don´t threaten, follows the T to her/his home, abuses sms/mail communication ie "stalk" the T I think a T should be open to discuss things. Everything that isn´t meant to be personal but perhaps is perceived that way is not a reason to terminate. A T should always ask the client about the situation at first, not making up own decisions about termination.

I cried when reading this post. It was nice getting some understanding, I got this from you and some others in this thread and I´m glad for that. I think a lot in this community is based on the need for some kind of comfort. It´s ironic though, we should all get that comfort, explanation and so on from our T:s, we pay them. But obviously as in many cases seen here in the community, that´s not always how it´s done.

No, the termination session was never a direct and automatic response, it was suggested after the T already had several chances to end therapy in a gentle and proffessional way.

As it was only her decision to terminate, I felt hugely let down and I felt that I suddenly was met by a different much more cold hearted person. Did you at all get an explanation around the termination you experienced or was you just shut off?

I plan to bring the matter up if I get to see another T, the "if" is unfortunately big at this moment, I don´t have any good solutions just now.

Yes, I also think it´s always the T:s responsibility to ensure that the client gets the treatment she/he needs to come to a satisfying closure. I sent my T a letter telling her how I now feel but haven´t got an answer and I don´t think I will get one either.

I think it´s scandalous if it is as you say, that the T:s own issues influences their actions in situations where they are to to help people. I just know I feel very bad right now, only finding myself crying or feeling frustrated and despondent.

I don´t think it can be considered a proper referral just to hear that you should attend psychoanalysis instead. Especially as I didn´t get a good explanation why and I didn´t get any names on specific psychoanalysists. DBT was never discussed and I don´t know how the BDP speculations came into this post.

It was never presented as an "offer for a termination session", she´d already shown her attitude which brought me into a very unsure and let down state of mind.

I wish I in a way could but I really can´t. I could never speak to my T again, she showed me such an unsympatetic attitude and for her it seemed like a termination was like waving off a fly. I´ve never felt more let down and pushed away and the situation came close to what I see must be childhood experiences.

I really don´t know what could make me feel better, crying don´t ease the feeling of being hurt and I know I will never get restitution in this matter. I could perhaps got to hear more of her so called "explanation" but I was so deeply hurt by her actions that I couldn´t go there.

It´s even more humiliating attending a meeting with a T that wasn´t offered from the beginning and then, as you feel hurt, let down, sad and so on you also put your self in a position to cry in front of the person who did all this to you. Who wants to go through this?

It´s of course ok to cry and mourn when you attend a proper and agreed upon termination and you could then feel a bit of consolation from your T during the termination process. But now, my T would in a way be my "enemy", the one who destroyed things, who let me down and who just walks on in her life.

I know she of course isn´t in such pain that I´m in and who wants to show your "enemy" your pain? Not me anyway.

I'm sorry for your having to endure this experience. I hope perhaps it will lead you to a much better T as a result. Hang in there. I wish you the best.

Hellboy