[Rapunzel]

I've been writing assessments and treatment plans for my classes, about case studies, an historical figure, etc. and for a while I have had this idea to try writing my own assessment of myself. The idea didn't go away, so I did. I haven't gotten to the treatment plan part yet (ran out of time and was starting to get overwhelmed). Maybe I'll work on that too though. I'm going to post the assessment here, attached to this post. What do you think?

Rap

[sunrise]

Rapunzel, I would be very interested because I have never seen an official assessment. So this is the sort of thing a therapist would write after seeing a new client the first time? Or several times? Post away!

I've never seen an assessment before, either. You sound kinda rough on yourself.--Suzy

[withit]

Hey Ramp I love the idea! Can't wait to see it!
What are you majoring in?

Oooh, I would love to see it. I just did a case conceptualization paper on Elvis! It was based on psychoanalytic and object-relations theory. I am looking forward to seeing your assessment.

[sidony]

Wow, really intense! I agree that you sound hard on yourself though. I bet an actual assessment about you from someone else would come across very differently. But that's a great way to describe how you feel and what the circumstances of your life have been. I'm sorry for the pain that you've suffered.

Is this what assessments are typically like? When do therapists write assessments? I mean, like under what circumstances? Just curious.

Sidony

[Rapunzel]

For those asking to see the assessment, it is posted as an attachment with my initial post in this thread. Just click where it says "attachment" in order to download it.

To everyone who read it already, thanks for reading and for your feedback. I am not sure if most or all therapists write formal assessments like this for every client. As a student (working on a master's degree in mental health counseling), I have to write these, as well as a treatment plan. I expect that I will need to write them when I start to see actual clients too. I just hope that it gets easier and faster. I spent several hours on this one, and I even already knew all of the information. Besides helping the T to organize their ideas and clarify what is going on, assessments and treatment plans would be used by supervisors and probably some insurance companies. Some insurance complanies might accept a reader's digest version. I haven't worked with that aspect at all yet.

I am curious about whether my T has written an assessment and/or treatment plan for me, and how it would compare. I'm too scared to let her see this one, for fear that I might have gotten too much wrong somehow, or that she would disagree with my dx. She hasn't made the same ones, quite. Some of them - and I left out my anxiety dx because they didn't help to account for the problems described, and because I don't notice my anxiety symptoms so much. I don't think that I was hard on myself though. I was thorough and frank and to the point. There is no room for beating around the bush with these.

Rap

[Perna]

I think you've been too hard on yourself and thrown in negatively judgmental stuff an "independent" observer wouldn't:

"She is short in stature, and tends to assume a hunched posture, as if trying to take up as little space as possible."

No one else would presume to "judge" the posture; you might have rheumatoid arthritis for all they know!

I would show it to my T :-) I think it's great and would be "fun" to discuss.

[Christina86]

Rapunzel,

That was a great assessment. Looks like a lot of work to complete. I'd think it would be slightly different if you weren't "analyzing" yourself, that it (as some people have said) you wouldn't have the same insight into yourself and strong opinion of yourself, but I think it's very well done!

And I seriously congratulate you for being able to post it up (let alone write it up) because of the sheer amount of time it must have taken!!

(I especially found the diagnostic stuff interesting, I blame the fact I'm a BA Psych major!)

[WinterRose]

That sure was a lot of work. And you say there's still one more piece to do? It would be interesting to find out what treatment plan you would advise for yourself. Wonder how it would compare to what your therapist is doing now. Do you think you'd ask for a new approach if your plan is different than your therapist's?

Now that you've done it, I'm wondering if it has given you any insights about yourself or changed anything for you.

I'm not sure if it's hard on you or just very clinical.

If you're ever brave enough, I'd share it with your therapist. I know I would if I did one of these for myself.

[Rapunzel]

I could have been harder on myself than that. You should see my actual MMPI computer-generated report. Well, I wrote a reaction paper to that and could post that here. It was tons harsher. The description isn't meant to be judgemental - just descriptive. And it's accurate. In one of my classes, down south where it was warmer, we were talking about what you can get out of those descriptions. The instructor asked what we would get from a description of a client wearing several layers and a winter coat, in July. There I was in several layers and a big heavy sweater, and I was shivering. I spoke up and said "client anticipates air conditioning and dresses accordingly!" The guy next to me gave me a high five for that one. But what the instructor was looking for is that there is some breakdown in mental processing - a likely sign of a psychotic disorder.

But then, I have some thought processes that at least border on psychotic. My MMPI suggested that I was probably a psychotic drug addict with mood and personality disorders.

Yeah, that took a while. Especially if you count all the time that I was dissociating and had to play PacMan http://www.ufarcade.com/play-2399-Deluxe_Pacman.html to take a break and try to get back some control.

I'll post the treatment plan piece too when I'm up to that, but I'm not yet. I could post my Eva Peron (historical figure) assessment & treatment plan if you guys want to see that part too. I'll think about letting T see my self-assessment. That is really scary though. Can we say anxiety, anyone?

Thanks for reading and for your opinions. I think part of what I was hoping for was feedback on how well that fits me and whether anyone can tell that I'm that bad. And does anyone think that I have any chance of ever overcoming this stuff and being a productive member of society? I'm hoping that I'll be able to function as a therapist, but my instructor for the personality disorders class didn't seem to think that people with personality disorders can ever move past them. But then, he doesn't know me beyond my student persona. I am really tempted to send him my self-assessment and see what he says about it, but I'm afraid it would be sabotaging myself to do that. My A for his class is already recorded.

Rap

[WinterRose]

Well, I wondered about the test results saying "a tendency to distort and exaggerate problems" and thought, now how does that show up in her self-assessment. That's why it would be interesting to see what your therapist thinks of it. Also, Masterson says that high level functioning borderlines make good therapists. So, yeah - I think you have potential. Read about Annie G. Rogers - if she can become a therapist (I think she may be a phsychologist even) then I think we can do it too. In fact, having our own dx actually can be an advantage. Builds rapport and credibility with clients.

[WinterRose]

PS - Your instructor isn't worth your time judging by what you've written before. I wouldn't bother sharing with him unless you really feel you'd get something of worth out of it. From what I've read of your other posts - I don't think he'd have anything helpful to add.

I don't think you should give your self assessment to your instructor. If you are functioning well in the class, it could taint his opinion of you & maybe be reflected in his attitude towards you & your grade. He is not your therapist & I don't think he should be privy to the private areas in your life that you find troublesome. Like I wouldn't tell my employer I have bipolar. The stigma is great & it would alter his opinion of me & maybe put me under more scrutiny.--Suzy

[Azalysa]

Hi, Rapunzel!

Thank you so very much for being brave and open enough to share this assessment with the community. During most of my life people have told me I'm "too sensitive" or that I "tell too much about myself," etc. It was a breath of fresh air to be told just the opposite by my profs and colleagues while I was pursuing my Master's program. "Sensitivity" and "openness" are HIGHLY desirable traits for a good therapist.

For those who have not seen or written an intake assessment before, it can appear harsh. It is not meant to be. It is meant to be neutral; objective observation and only one component of other diagnostic tools. Certainly many of us see ourselves more harshly than others do, so a self-assessment is a lot harder in which to stay objective.

From my past experience in writing initial assessments as class assignments and professionally when I worked for Hospice, I say "well done!" And as you do more of them, you will find your own ways of "shorthand" so to speak. And each agency is different. The Hospice I worked at had its own set of intake questions so to speak.

P.S. I think one of the most "challenging" aspects of being a therapist (or at least trained as one) is not being able to relax and "be the client." When I saw my pdoc on Monday, I "informed" him which med I wanted taken out of my "treatment plan." *chuckles*

I was very impressed!

Ok, sometimes I'm really not the sharpest tool in the shed. It took me until today to realize that the attachment was added into the first post. You even wrote that it was.

So moving past that, I was impressed with your assessment. Not only with the assessment, but with the many similarities we share. What struck me most was when you posted later on about moving past your problems and becoming a productive member of society. Also, the whole personality disorder thing. This is something that scares the crap out of me daily. The amazing thing is that although I'm a complete mess, I can often turn around and function as a completely different person in regards to work and school. The only time this doesn't work for me, is when my my bipolar steps in and throws me into a depressive episode. I was diagnosed with borderline pd when I was 18. Whether or not I am set to have this for the rest of my life, I still believe I can function in a work setting. I am scared to apply for my doctoral degree. I am scared at what will happen if I don't get in, I'm scared what will happen if I do... I am the same as you... I animate when I talk about psychology, school, clients, my parrots, or my art (poetry). What excites me and scares the hell outta me at the same time, is that in May I am starting my practicum/internship, and that once I get comfortable there, I will have my own clients. I will be someone's therapist. Yikes. Damn. Geez. Wow. Help. I don't know what to think. I think we will be okay.

[Rapunzel]

Yes, exactly. Scary, isn't it? Yikes. I just hope that I don't hurt someone, trying to be a therapist.

I've applied for doctoral programs before and didn't get in, which is how I ended up where I am, working on a master's degree. I'm hoping that it will be favorable. I've just been calling my faculty about early practicum, and I could start in May or June. But do I really want to do that already? Am I ready for it? I'm not so scared about starting a doctoral program if I get in, because that would give me more time to work on my own garbage before being out there on my own as a therapist. But I wonder if I'm too old for this too, and if anybody would consider giving me a chance (that's an old worry but still here).

I do function in work and school settings (most of the time, anyway). My T doesn't understand why I won't apply those skills to myself. I don't understand either. If I could, I'm sure I would do it. Don't you think?

Rapunzel, just wanted to chip in… Please feel free to ignore if I’m off-topic or way out of line.

If they accept you on the doctoral programme, I think you should go for it. As I have recently been told, it is never too late to start something one really wants (though it *is* easier said than done…). It is scary to go beyond one’s comfort zone and jump in (e.g. here the doctoral prog.) but sometimes we need to push ourselves.

As for applying skills to help ourselves…. That’s a tough one… I find that, at least for some people, it is easier to care for & want to help others than ourselves for myriads of reasons. To answer your question, I think you *can* apply those skills to help yourself but maybe you don’t allow yourself to, or don’t feel you deserve to. I don’t know if this is the case at all for you but maybe something to ponder?

All in all, from what I read here, I think you would make a good therapist and that you could make a difference. I don’t see why people shouldn’t give you a chance. Please, keep trying.

[Rapunzel]

I think you are right about that I don't allow myself, or don't feel that I deserve to help myself. So the question now would be how to change that? I'll keep trying. Thanks.

Rap