T has had builders in her home since before xmas. I did kind of ask once what was happening. She said its a long story re an extenstion etc.

Well yesterday I asked her if she is getting fed up with strangers in home all this time? She laughed and said "they don't feel like strangers anymore, using my toilet etc"

Then she asked me does it worry me? I said no I just know when I have strangers indoors I just want to hide out. She then said that actually its quite nice at times having someone there.

I smiled and thought no more about it, but that statements "Its quite nice" I don't want her to think that! I feel as if she's betraying me! I don't think having people around is quite nice! infact I hate it! she should hate it too! I feel as if I want to throw T away now! She's created a distance between us! should be like me! exactly like me!

ok I'm insane! I don't want to say this to her on MOnday cause I can see her sitting there just smiling and I will have to sit with the anger!!!

shoot me!

(( mouse ))

I think maybe her statement reminded you that you and she are separate. That can hurt, expecially when it happens suddenly and when you were hoping to relate to her on the issue of strangers in her house. She works at home and must enjoy that; I think liking having 'strangers', patients she doesn't know yet, in her house is something she's come to love and that you are included in that.

I'm sorry you're feeling angry and hurt. Talk to her about it anyway?

Geez ((Echoes)) That is so spot on it hurts!..Now I feel ashamed because I can't see strangers as being nice! I can't see things like T does! I am so fed up with my dysfunctional existence.

[sidony]

mouse!

I hate it when I feel like my therapist can't relate to something I've said either. But then I just try to imagine how he sees things differently. Don't be so hard on yourself!!! It always feels weird when we realize other people don't think about things the way we do. Just talk about it a little and don't stress so much.

(((mouse)))

Sidony

[withit]

Mouse, I can relate. I'd definitely talk to t about it, this is the stuff therapy is made up of It's nice and dandy to talk about how we feel vis a vis our relationships with people outside the therapy room, but the real work is the working through of the transference, and that means talking about the stuff that comes up between t and yourself. It is very hard to do that, but if you can get yourself to do it you will feel a whole lot better. Based on your posts I get the sense that you have quite a competent and experienced t, which makes it easy to trust that she will respond with sensitivity and compassion to your self-disclosure. Go for it, girl! And please do let us know how it went

Frustration of twinship needs...

Does it help if you think on / contemplate the similarities that you do have with your therapist?

I'm just wondering because...

It is NORMAL to feel frustrated / upset / alone when twinship needs are frustrated...

But...

Frustration of twinship needs is supposed to be something that gives the ego the opportunity to grow (with respect to positive lasting changes). Because if you can feel the frustration / upset / alone and acknowledge it (like you have)... And think on how she IS like you in some respects (and muster a little feeling good about that)... Then... You are well on the way to internalising some of that twinship function. So... You will eventually become more resistent to it (so it will hurt but not as much as it used to).

((((((Mouse))))))

Self soothing sweetie... Extra special care for yourself.

(( mouse ))

But it is just like you named the thread... A difference of opinion. No judgement. No right or wrong. Just different.

Remember that you are indluded in that. You and she were... strangers... in the beginning. Unfamiliar. But you must have thought she was nice so you got to know her, and she got to know you. Now you have a mutually caring relationship.

It could be a fun discussion to have with her; "How do you see strangers as nice? How does that work?" Sounds like a lot to explore there!

You are learning mouse. We all our. Even your T is. Be kind to you like you are to all of us!

All I can think of now is wanting to hurt T. Want to throw things at her. Want to kick at her feet! Just want to shout at her! *****!

(((( mouse ))))

[withit]

I hear ya, Mouse.
When I felt like hurting and kicking t and calling her 'b---' I told her so and thus I was able to process it.
If you end up talking to your t about this, let us know the results...
Hang in there!

[Perna]

I still remember the time my T told me about her next time going away and when I left after the session, I saw her car and wanted to slash her tires :-) That is so unlike me that it made me laugh and I instantly realized where the feeling had come from. Another time I was imagining a switchblade which gave me pause and again, I realized my T had told me she was going away earlier that week.

I would latch onto her saying that she doesn't feel they are strangers anymore; have you ever had construction for a long time? My husband and I are having it now; it has been a YEAR and yes, George and his son Joe (and son-in-law, Timmy :-) are almost like friends; my husband is going to make them a steak dinner out on the new deck when the job's finished, etc. It is very awkward at first but over time, you get to know the people. So, I bet you are still similar to T.

Perna, Thanks for sharing your "work". You know I forgot I had a workman here recently fitting a new heating system. We got along so well that we arranged to go out with him and his partner.

I'd forgotten about that. BUT having said this, I see know that my thinking is wonky concerning T and her workman. Unyet it feels as if the feelings belong with this T situation. I guess they don't but T is gonna be the one that has to sort this out for me. i still have this need to direct my anger at her.

Watch this space :-(

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mouse_ said:
All I can think of now is wanting to hurt T. Want to throw things at her. Want to kick at her feet! Just want to shout at her! *****!

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Go ahead and tell her, Mouse. Don't just sit with the anger, express it! One time I told my T I wanted to throw the lamp at him! He asked me if I could at least warn him so he could duck out of the way. At that point it was okay so I could laugh. But it feels good to admit, in session, when you are angry at T. It hurts so bad when we are reminded that we are separate.

[Perna]

I think you could be jealous of the relationship between T and her workmen? She's yours! :-) How dare she let them hone in on your relationship and be "friends" with them and enjoy having them there, etc.

is it about her asserting her existence as a seperate person from you (who has her own likes etc)?

I told T that I am jealous her builders get to see her more than I. T said, "yes but they're be gone soon and your still be here"
I should feel more elated but actually this all ended up coming 2nd to an event that happened yesterday.

One of my childhood abusers got locked up for a totally unrelated crime. I know I will feel better about everything again soon.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Mouse.
I am sporry you are feeling so betrayed at this time. I think and feel you should tell your therapist how you feel at this time so she can help you through how you are feeling at this time. Possibly journaling how you feel will help you to calm down so you are not as hurt when you see your therapist the next time. You see your therapist as a safe haven and possibly having the interference is causing you to feel threatened. Maybe the therapist can help you with the threatening feelings you are having. The workers are going to be gone soon and you should focus on the fact that your therapist is a truthful and trusting person, and that the workers will be gone soon and your threat you ae feeling at this time will hopefully go away in a short time. Even journaling about the good things you feel about your therapist may help you feel better and how you feel when you are in therapy. I hope you feel better soon Mouse. Take care Soidhonia

Soidhonia, I did talk to my therapist. Sorry maybe my post isnt clear. sorry