Sometimes simple kindness can go a long way

I've been posting on PC since the spring and have had some wonderful support and info about different Tx methods for C-ptsd and BPD such as EMDR, CBT, DBT, etc.

But, TBH, what has helped me the most is kindness and understanding from my T. My time with my him is coming to a end and when I think back, the one thing that helped me was his honesty, his understanding, and his caring nature. Sadly, not all the Ts I've been with have had these qualities. There is a lot to be said for simple compassion.

I completely agree.

I don't think I would associate kindness and/or understanding with therapists.
Glad it helped you if you did find the therapist to be so.

The last therapist I had that I saw for seven months (and he moved) was genuinely kind and compassionate and understanding and honest and it was so healing for me.

I am glad you have had that.

What you describe has been most healing for me, too. You've shared a great insight.

My t is also very compassionate, kind and understanding. She also knows when to push me, when to show "tough love" or whatever. But even when she pushes me, it's with compassion and caring. It has been very healing for me as well. I am glad you had that experience too.

I am very lucky to have found my T.....living in the capital city of my state, there were MANY to choose from. She was the second one I contacted.....the first one I actually saw. This was my first time seeing a T since I was a teen, and that was about 20 years ago. We hit it off right away, I knew right away that she was a keeper. She still had some work ahead of her as far as gaining my trust, but she tailored my therapy and her boundaries around me and my personality.... she figured out pretty quickly that I wasn't going to fully trust her unless I had an idea of who she is as a person. So she has disclosed enough to help me get more comfortable with her, and continues to, if it happens to come up in my session. I have been worried all along about the idea of getting too attached or dependent on her, but I talk to her about it, she helps ease my mind. I feel a bond with her I don't feel with anyone else, simply because this is the one person who I'm supposed to confide fully in. Yes, I know it's her job and she's paid to provide this service, but she has also shown me she really DOES care, and she gives me enough of her own personal time as well. I see her twice a week as it is, but we can Email or text in between, or, if I'm really struggling, she'll call. She continues to encourage my Emailing her in between sessions if I need to. She's taken a couple of vacations this past summer, and both times, she kept in touch with me. (one vacation was while she was overseas, the other, she was getting married). So she has done so much to show me I'm more than just a job to her. She recently said "if love weren't in the mix, we wouldn't get anywhere." So, in a way, I feel like she was telling me, in her T sort of way, that she loves me too.

Kindness is the most valuable tool a t can use. Kindness heals the soul.

That's amazing musinglizzy. She really is a keeper. The self disclosure was very important for me as well. It helped me feel more like I was confiding in a friend and not somebody on the clock. I don't think disclosure is necessary or even a good thing in some cases, but for people with massive trust issues like you and I have, it would be a must.

My T never said it outright, but it feels like he's coming from a loving place, too.

Sadly, because of the clinic program I'm in, I can no longer go to him and have to find someone else for long term. That scares me because I don't connect to or trust Ts that easily. I spent a year with him trying to cope with my c-ptsd. I went through so much with him and now I have to go through all of it again with someone new. I'm not sure I want to do that. It took me so long to trust him, now it's over.

I agree that kindess and compassion is critical in the helping professions. I went to my primary care doctor for a few months who is awesome and hoped that her kindness and listening ear would be enough in terms of therapeutic support. It wasn't, I did need true structured therapy, however I always appreciate her helping me through a rough time. When I see her for other medical care she still "checks in" on how I'm doing emotionally.