[brokenwarrior]

I often spend a lot of time reading articles/blogs online. While I am reading my brain is finally quiet and reading things related to psychology calms me down and makes me feel less crazy. I was reading this one blog that talked about people with BPD in therapy. I felt think this therapist was talking about me. I was like "S***, this is exactly what I have been experiencing."

While it did provide a sense of understanding, I'm also so scared that this could possibly be true. I feel like I now have another reason to stop therapy.

Anyone had a similar experience to this? What did you do?

[ChangingMyMind]

I don't quite think I understand the question. What did you experience?

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[NowhereUSA]

You can have traits and not be BPD. I asked my T if he thought I was BPD (he's DBT trained and works with BPD clients). It took me forever to get up the courage to ask because I was terrified. He told me that he didn't think of me as BPD at all. I spoke with my PDoc too (apparently I was given this diagnosis when I was hospitalized six years ago from a PDoc who literally saw me all of 20 minutes). He said that I might exhibit some traits here and there but that I wasn't and he removed the diagnosis from my chart.

It was a relief for me, just because it was something that had me questioning myself.

[brokenwarrior]

I feel like in my mind if my T or PDoc (when I meet her) says that I have traits that means I have BPD. I can understand the difference with have traits and being borderline with others but when it comes to myself I just can't see that.

[NowhereUSA]

I guess I take their explanation at face value. My PDoc said there are traits and he really only sees me for 20 minutes at a time so really, what does he know? My T though sees me regularly and also deals with BPD. He explained why I'm not borderline and it was helpful.

[healed84]

Why would having bpd make you have to stop therapy? Once, t and I both figured that we were dealing with bpd with me.. It gave is more stuff to work on, instead of less.

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by healed84

Why would having bpd make you have to stop therapy? Once, t and I both figured that we were dealing with bpd with me.. It gave is more stuff to work on, instead of less.

Because I don't want to deal with that stuff within me. It scares me so much and it makes me want to run as far away for my Ts office as I can.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by brokenwarrior

Because I don't want to deal with that stuff within me. It scares me so much and it makes me want to run as far away for my Ts office as I can.

But if you don't deal with it, it just follows right along with you as you run away. How do you separate yourself from your shadow? I told my T once the worst part is I can never get away from me....he looked at me so compassionately it blew me away.

I'm learning how to like myself....love myself sounds too much. But I'm learning how to be ok with me. The pain I've been going through in therapy has been very much worth it. I don't even know my real diagnosis as my T is one of those diagnosis-isn't-important-kumbaya Ts But it doesn't matter. It's not about diagnosis - it's about getting better.

[brokenwarrior]

Freewilled, you're right. Its just personality disorders scare me when it comes to me. You can't separate yourself from your shadow, its always there. I wish I could step out of my body and take a break from myself. I guess thats what dissociation is for

[ScarletPimpernel]

So many people assume that personality disorder mean that there's something wrong with your personality. That isn't the case. You are not broken and you do not need to be fix. It simply means that you have certain symptoms to meet the criteria of a diagnosis (a label), and you need to work on coping with these symptoms in order to function better in life.

BPD is often seen as bad. I have BPD, but I don't see it as bad. I have qualities that most other people don't possess...good qualities. I do struggle a lot, but then again who doesn't struggle.

Besides, research has shown that people with BPD grow out of these symptoms with or without treatment. Treatment just makes the process a little easier and faster. In a sense, BPD means that our emotional growth was stunted. But we do catch up

[sidney1771]

Why do you go to therapy in the first place if you don't want to know what is wrong with you and you don't want to dig down inside of you and make an attempt to fix what is bothering you. Please note that I didn't say what was wrong with you. You are who you are, and the only reasons this stupid labels exist are so that insurance companies can be appropriately billed. Having traits of a condition isn't the same as having it. I have the traits of 9 conditions. So what. It's not like I'm being treated for all of them or on medications for them all. It just means that I don't fit in a conventional category. Quite frankly, it is nice to be unique.

The more you try to hide and ignore you fears and questions, the more debilitation and haunting they will become. Express your concerns, fears, trepidations to your therapist. That is what they are there for...to help you. Trust me.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by brokenwarrior

I often spend a lot of time reading articles/blogs online. While I am reading my brain is finally quiet and reading things related to psychology calms me down and makes me feel less crazy. I was reading this one blog that talked about people with BPD in therapy. I felt think this therapist was talking about me. I was like "S***, this is exactly what I have been experiencing."

While it did provide a sense of understanding, I'm also so scared that this could possibly be true. I feel like I now have another reason to stop therapy.

Anyone had a similar experience to this? What did you do?

I don't know why you're reading these things, because when I was real anxious I would read stuff like that and it would calm me but then I would read something that would freak me out. In the early phases of my trauma, I had become so...I forget the word for it, like thinking I have whatever illnesses that they were describing. So just be careful cause it can just add to your anxiety.

Just deal with what you have in front of you, if it's BPD traits or if it's whatever, and go from there. Having traits doesn't mean you have BPD. My mom has traits, not the whole illness. Many people have traits of a mental illness and it doesn't mean they have the full one.

And also, what if you did have BPD? BPD comes in so many varieties. I was reading a post earlier by a member wanting to write a book on a different variety of BPD that doesn't necessarily involve self injury and rage and so on.

Don't let the name freak you out or expect terrible things to happen or think it's hopeless. I's just a label. And recovery from BPD is the norm not exception. This is from wiki article on BPD so check the references to make sure accurate, but it paints a hopeful picture:

Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"A longitudinal study tracking the symptoms of people with BPD found that 34.5% achieved remission within two years from the beginning of the study. Within four years, 49.4% had achieved remission, and within six years, 68.6% had achieved remission. By the end of the study, 73.5% of participants were found to be in remission.Moreover, of those who achieved recovery from symptoms, only 5.9% experienced recurrences. A later study found that ten years from baseline (during a hospitalization), 86% of patients had sustained and stable recovery from symptoms.Thus contrary to popular belief, recovery from BPD is not only possible but common, even for those with the most severe symptoms. However, it is important to note that these high rates of relief from distressing symptoms have only been observed among those who receive treatment of some kind"

Of course, all that IF you have the full disorder, which is already jumping to conclusions. So don't.

[brokenwarrior]

Partless, I tend to stay away from articles about disorders. I am a psych major, so I leave those readings for school. I don't self-diagnose so I'm not saying I DO have BPD or traits. The article I read what titled "The Controlling Client" but the author made connections to clients with BPD. For some reason it just really connected with me and the feelings I'm feeling right now.

I feel so hopeless so I feel like I'm looking for a reason to not continue with therapy because I feel like a burden to my T.

Very little freaks me out. Actually personality disorders were the most interesting topic to learn about in school for me. It just feels different when its you.

Thank you for the article! The stats on recovery did help

[msxyz]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Besides, research has shown that people with BPD grow out of these symptoms with or without treatment. Treatment just makes the process a little easier and faster. In a sense, BPD means that our emotional growth was stunted. But we do catch up

Yes, as with everyone especially impulsivity lessens over time, but it doesn't mean everyone who has BPD will simply stop having it if they just wait long enough. And even when symptoms lessens, most still have significant problems functioning and have low GAF scores (global assessment of functioning). There is also the hypothesis that people with BPD just learn how to avoid triggering situations and relationships, and I mean pathological avoidance leading to isolation. People still suffer.

BPD has a high suicide rate and the older people get the more lethal the attempts, add do the fact that every attempt increases the chance of completion I think it's not a good idea to let people believe it's no big deal that will just go away like a cold.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by brokenwarrior

I don't self-diagnose so I'm not saying I DO have BPD or traits...
Thank you for the article! The stats on recovery did help

Good, something I wrote was of help. Sorry for misunderstanding, I thought you had borderline traits but was afraid it was the full diagnosis.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by Akama

There is also the hypothesis that people with BPD just learn how to avoid triggering situations and relationships, and I mean pathological avoidance leading to isolation. People still suffer...

Oh this is interesting, I wonder if my mom does that too. But I think maybe there is another way out of it, avoid triggers but not all people and situations. My mom's family is very triggering for her cause they're judgmental and mean to her but she seems to get triggered much less often with some of her friends.