Just as the title says ..

I hate them they want to kill me !!!
I know my husband is trying to kill me , he is trying to push me over the edge and become insane !

My kids are in it as well they all are !

[HazelGirl]

Do you have any mental illness that might cause this type of thinking? Do you have schizophrenia? Or bipolar disorder?

Wouldn't it be absolutely horrible to kill your family and then find out that they weren't trying to kill you?

My mental illness has nothing to do with it , they push the wrong bottons

Nature, this sounds extremely serious. Please call someone for help (therapist? pdoc? crisis line? ER?) so that you and others can stay safe.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

My mental illness has nothing to do with it , they push the wrong bottons

You're just frustrated? Okay. You're allowed to be. Just don't do anything to them. They're not doing it on purpose unless they're abusive.

[Topiarysurvivor]

do you need to get out of there and go somewhere safe - at least for a while?

They all went behind my back this morning while I was sleeping they already have an xbox 360 and they bought the new xbox one .

I am sick of my husband spending money on stuff that we do not need and the kids are just as bad as they went behind my back . I am so angry I am trying to control my anger

I want to burn my house down and want them gone ! I know that it is wrong but I can see myself going it , not going to but I see it and it brings me calmness !

[lostwonder]

Please call your T or Pdoc. I understand that this is fantasy right now, but do talk about it with someone who can help you sort it out.

[NowhereUSA]

I'd be seriously pissed if my husband went out and bought the new XBox One (no matter how much I really really really really want one). Why? I do the budget in the house. We absolutely cannot afford an XBox One right at the moment. I would be livid that he would disrespect me like that (in that it's a mutual agreement that I handle the finances and he has repeatedly told me he trusts me when I say X about it).

That being said, do you really, genuinely think they went out to get the XBox One to piss you off? Isn't it just a little more likely that they really wanted it and are just being irresponsible financially?

Please call someone, anyone, and get some help. Don't hurt your family. The emotions will pass. Get somewhere safe until they do.

[HazelGirl]

Your children don't understand. Your husband does, but your children don't (even if they're teenagers). It may feel like it's all their faults, but your kids don't know anything about money troubles, even if you've tried to explain it to them.

Originally Posted by Nature1968

My mental illness has nothing to do with it , they push the wrong bottons

Regardless of what buttons they push, YOU are responsible for your response and your actions. Your response certainly seems over the top and a result of mental illness rather than a response to what sounds like a pretty normal issue that might be expected to cause some frustration.

Originally Posted by Nature1968

They all went behind my back this morning while I was sleeping they already have an xbox 360 and they bought the new xbox one .

I am sick of my husband spending money on stuff that we do not need and the kids are just as bad as they went behind my back . I am so angry I am trying to control my anger

This does sound frustrating. If you have already discussed this, it is disrepectful and rude for your husband to go out and buy the item anyway. However, unless your kids are over 18, no way in hell is it in any way their responsibility. They are CHILDREN. Children push buttons and limits. It is what they do. It is your job as a parent to mantain a grip on yourself, your emotions and responses. If you cannot do so, you need to remove yourself from the situation.

You need to get away for a while to insure the safety of your family. You have no right to endanger them this way. There is no death penalty for your entire family just because your husband did something a little bit rude and disrespectful.

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

I want to burn my house down and want them gone ! I know that it is wrong but I can see myself going it , not going to but I see it and it brings me calmness !

Can you see yourself in jail? Can you see yourself really being okay with the fact that you killed your husband and kids? Will them being dead truly bring you happiness? Just think about it. I would STRONGLY encourage you to speak with your T or Pdoc about this thinking as it is not healthy.

[PeeJay]

Could you return the X-Box?

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from my therapist was to "use your anger."

But like, not use it to kill the people who are making you angry. Rather, use the anger to put wrong situations right.

I'm sorry your husband isn't backing you up on the family's financial security.

You could use your anger to do the following:
1) Create a separate bank account to protect the family's emergency fund
2) Cancel spouse's credit card
3) Tell spouse that he accepts new rules or he can leave. (Sounds harsh but he might be grateful for the discipline.)
4) Talk to spouse's therapist to get backup in this

Anyway, my solutions won't be YOUR solutions. But seriously, use your anger to get the results you want. Presumably, you want a harmonious family life.

"The Dance of Anger," by Harriett Lerner, is a good book on this.

[stopdog]

I don't really see anything wrong with safe fantasizing. Acting on such fantasy would probably not be a good plan for anyone. But just indulging in the fantasy itself can sometimes, in my opinion, be very useful. I use cartoonishly violent fantasy to help me sometimes.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't really see anything wrong with safe fantasizing. Acting on such fantasy would probably not be a good plan for anyone. But just indulging in the fantasy itself can sometimes, in my opinion, be very useful. I use cartoonishly violent fantasy to help me sometimes.

I agree. I think many of us have had violent fantasies about hurting others. Some people really do push our buttons and fantasy can be such a release.

I think some people are overreacting to this person's posts but in their defense, I guess they don't know the OP and can't tell how close this person is to acting out their fantasies. Like are these warning signs or just a person very comfortable with sharing their violent fantasies with others? So people panic.

I had fantasies of killing my dog because it made me angry and I crossed the line , do I regret it no should I yes .
( I did not kill my dog today this was in the past )

My anger is not as strong as it was this morning ...

I didn't call my T because I am in-between in getting a new one and I have not yet called for my appointment my doctor told me to few weeks ago but I haven't done so .

My husband says he makes the money so he can spend it how ever he wants . I don't know why but him spending money is a huge trigger to me , we fight about this all the time . I am not happy and I cover up my feeling with food .

When I say he is trying to kill me he buys junk food and I eat it , I know I should eat good food but when he buys junk food I binge on them .

I lost a good 30 pounds with my add pills but now that my doc. wont let me have any more and wants me
on psychosis meds ( asap ) it makes me gain more weight .

I just hate everything !

[pbutton]

Did you hurt your dog?

in the past yes , my T knows about it

As others have said- children are children and they would follow an adult to buy an x box even if they knew it was wrong, but not because they are bad but because they have no sense of personal responsibility. They are children just like we all were once.
You gave birth to them. They are innocents. Please seek help. You are obviously not thinking straight. I appeal to the mother in you to remove yourself from this situation before you do harm. It is your responsibility to your children.

I understand what your saying and your right but when I get to angry and feel like they are tricking me my anger blinds my thinking , I become a monster if my life is in danger .

That is how I feel

I'm not going to hurt them did I yell at them and my husband hell yes , do I vision hurting them right now no ... that has passed

[HazelGirl]

Psychosis medications will help with some of that.

I know my doc keeps telling me but I hate them , the pills scare me , I feel like they are going to kill me .

Truly I hope you can at some point see clearly enough to either take the medications you need, or get away from your children and animals so they can be safe. You have no right to endanger innocent animals and children the way that you are.