There are times I could end it all at the blink of an eye. Than, like this morning, there are moments filled with such comfort.
The comfort is, me walking around town on a crisp winters morning, with the hustle and bustle of Xmas shoppers around me and I think of T, imagine seeing her as I walk along, feel that sense of the 'we' that has been built over the years with her.

I compare that to the nothing I had with my step mother, no warmth, no comfort to be had from that relationship. And, believe me, a relationship has to be a genuine one or else I can smell BS a mile away, this stuff cannot be faked.

I compare the 2, lift my shoulders as I walk, feeling content again. Thinking of all the moments T has said something to me that hits my heart. Think myself lucky to finally have that experience, that those who were fortunate enough to have got it through out - life can take for granted.

It's all an inside job!

Originally Posted by _Mouse

There are times I could end it all at the blink of an eye. Than, like this morning, there are moments filled with such comfort.
The comfort is, me walking around town on a crisp winters morning, with the hustle and bustle of Xmas shoppers around me and I think of T, imagine seeing her as I walk along, feel that sense of the 'we' that has been built over the years with her.

I compare that to the nothing I had with my step mother, no warmth, no comfort to be had from that relationship. And, believe me, a relationship has to be a genuine one or else I can smell BS a mile away, this stuff cannot be faked.

I compare the 2, lift my shoulders as I walk, feeling content again. Thinking of all the moments T has said something to me that hits my heart. Think myself lucky to finally have that experience, that those who were fortunate enough to have got it through out - life can take for granted.

It's all an inside job!

I too think that people take it for granted and simply cannot imagine what life is like if you have not had a loving parent, some people seem to assume that everyone else they know has had it too.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I too think that people take it for granted and simply cannot imagine what life is like if you have not had a loving parent, some people seem to assume that everyone else they know has had it too.

I think that's one of the hardest parts of not having had that loving parent. Everyone assumes that you have. In fact, when you protest, people will even try to convince you that you must have had it! When I try to explain my situation to others, people will say: "Oh, but your mom did love you! She must have! You just didn't see it!" or "You just need to try a little harder!" or "All mothers love their children! It's biological!" Those false statements, made by people who have always had that love and comfort, just make it a million times worse for those of us who had parents that did not love us and were not capable of doing so. It's hard for others to imagine parents not loving their children, so they assume that we must be wrong-- we must misunderstand, we must not be trying, or we must be doing something wrong.

The love I get from my T is definitely a new experience for me. I've never felt cared about like that before-- and she is only my T. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to get that love from someone who was your parent, and was around you 24 hours a day instead of one hour a week. I think I would be an entirely different person if I had had the security of feeling loved growing up, instead of constantly fearing abuse, hate, and punishment. I don't know if I can even imagine what it would be like to think of one's caretakers growing up as kind, loving, and soothing as opposed to the people who inflicted pain and torture and then lied to others about it. And, when you did tell, you were not believed and then suffered even worse. Now, as an adult, having random people tell me "of course they loved you! You just didn't see it!" makes me feel like my abusers are still in control because people still don't believe me-- and I'm still the problem.

Having T believe me and understand the situation-- and provide at least a small portion of the love I missed out on as a child-- is the only thing that has helped me heal from my childhood. I still struggle with feeling angry about the past, but at least now I know what it feels like to have someone care.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I think that's one of the hardest parts of not having had that loving parent. Everyone assumes that you have. In fact, when you protest, people will even try to convince you that you must have had it! When I try to explain my situation to others, people will say: "Oh, but your mom did love you! She must have! You just didn't see it!" or "You just need to try a little harder!" or "All mothers love their children! It's biological!" Those false statements, made by people who have always had that love and comfort, just make it a million times worse for those of us who had parents that did not love us and were not capable of doing so. It's hard for others to imagine parents not loving their children, so they assume that we must be wrong-- we must misunderstand, we must not be trying, or we must be doing something wrong.

The love I get from my T is definitely a new experience for me. I've never felt cared about like that before-- and she is only my T. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to get that love from someone who was your parent, and was around you 24 hours a day instead of one hour a week. I think I would be an entirely different person if I had had the security of feeling loved growing up, instead of constantly fearing abuse, hate, and punishment. I don't know if I can even imagine what it would be like to think of one's caretakers growing up as kind, loving, and soothing as opposed to the people who inflicted pain and torture and then lied to others about it. And, when you did tell, you were not believed and then suffered even worse. Now, as an adult, having random people tell me "of course they loved you! You just didn't see it!" makes me feel like my abusers are still in control because people still don't believe me-- and I'm still the problem.

Having T believe me and understand the situation-- and provide at least a small portion of the love I missed out on as a child-- is the only thing that has helped me heal from my childhood. I still struggle with feeling angry about the past, but at least now I know what it feels like to have someone care.

I too feel that simply being believed has been a huge thing for me.

[tooski]

I wish my T would do that for me.

I don't think a T 'does' anything, it's more that we can make use of who they are. They need to be honest, able to respect another, and put the clients needs first. Just life a mother should put a child's needs first.

It's nice to hear so many of you found a great T to help you. When I sought therapy it only made everything in my life worse. That is just how my life is. Everything I try to do, even to better my life, does not work out or is made worse. When I saw this thread was about "inner comfort" I thought I would learn something about how one finds it. It's not easy to find a good T and is impossible for some. I think that I am just meant to have it bad my entire life. No point in fighting it anymore. I just have to accept what it is. Even my t tried to tell me to accept my fate. He'd given up too.

Just want to add that sometimes love & abuse go hand in hand. It's not always one way or the other.

That's a very pessimistic mind set...
I struggled until I was 41...ive been with this T since than... It can happen.. And does happen..