Was Wondering if anyone could answer this question

Hi I just have a really important question to me

I am in therapy and I see a LCSW and I was curious to know does anyone know if it is okay to give her a card for national Social Work month or would I be in trouble I tried to come into chat but it would nt let me to ask this question not only that i had to change my account cause it wouldnt let me log in. So anyway if anyone knows please let me know as soon as possible.

Thank you,
Angela

Hi and I'm sorry you had trouble with chat. Do you have the latest version of java? you might want to check that.

No, I do not think a light and general card would be inappropriate. In fact, it would probably be appreciated, unless it's been discussed prior that those things weren't to happen.

Take care!

KD

I agree that a card would be ok. I sent a general Christmas card to my therapist and psychiatrist at their offices and it wasn't a problem. I wanted to thank them and let them know I appreciated what they did for me.

Card sounds fine with me, something generic though. And, as KD said, only if it's not in some contract you might have signed about personal contact... go for it!

I don't know if cards are appropriate or not. I don't think I would give my therapist a card as it'd feel wrong or inappropriate somehow to me.

I did read once that it's inappropriate to give any kind of gift to a therapist. Here's a webpage that talks about that:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/questions/q_gift.htm

That's more about gifts than cards though. But there might be some crossover so it's worth checking out....

Sidony

I give my T gifts all the time. He takes them home and gives them to his kids. If you feel comfortable about giving your T a card I say go for it. When is this week so I can know when to do a card for my T cuz he's a LCSW also.

Jbug

<sigh> This is not directed at anyone on this thread but I just can't stand these "boundaries"...

I mean really, so what if she wants to give a card, show appreciation etc. Our therapists, if we like them and are good, why not tell them or show them?

I'm sure some could abuse this and probably have on both sides but most of us are consenting adults who know who we like, don't like, appreciate, don't appreciate etc...

I really don't like that this decision is taken from us like we need to be told how to feel and how to act. For me, this is counter productive and I think it makes the process way more mysterious than it needs to be.

If a therapist said to me that I could not give him a card or show any sort of appreciation, that would be a therapist who is not for me. In fact, this is probably why until now I have left every therapist I've ever been to.

They never said a word, showed an emotion, talked to me like a real person or even cracked a smile....therapy isn't a "one size fits all"...concept. We all need to be who we are don't we and find therapists that aren't trying to squash that.

I'm going off I realize but I just needed to vent this out.

So, yes give her the card and if she doesn't appreciate it or says not to do it again, find someone else who will let you be you...just my opinion....

I know other clients have given T a xmas card because I've seen them. I personally don't feel comfortable in giving any gift. Not that I'd particularly class a card as a gift exactly. But I think maybe I would discuss with my T if its ok to offer gifts? Its a bit like people that hug, I personally dont like to be hugged and would like my preference to be asked.

Sometimes a client may feel that other clients give gifts and therefore may feel pressured to give an even "better" gift or a more "meaningful" gift.

They may feel that if others give a gift, but they don't they may feel as if they will then be thought less off by a T?

For me I love boundairies. They are for my benefit also as I can be a people pleaser and I can put people on peddlestools hoping this will make them think better off me.

I would have worried that my lack of ability to give gifts like hugs would mean I'm "bad" when I'm not, I'm just shy.

I think talking and working out reasons why we want to give gifts is the best gift we can give to each other?

Maybe I'm just a meanie? see now I feel bad coz I'm not the gift giving type :- (

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
If a therapist said to me that I could not give him a card or show any sort of appreciation, that would be a therapist who is not for me. In fact, this is probably why until now I have left every therapist I've ever been to.

They never said a word, showed an emotion, talked to me like a real person or even cracked a smile....therapy isn't a "one size fits all"...concept. We all need to be who we are don't we and find therapists that aren't trying to squash that.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
almedafan, I'm sorry you've never had a T who talked to you like a real person. (((hugs))) Next time you are looking for a T, you might try specifically looking for one from the humanistic school. They emphasize dialog and meeting with the client in a truly mutualistic and empathetic way. My T is from the humanistic school and is the perfect match for me.

That said, I would never give a card to my T! But not because I don't think he would accept it. I like that I am able to give him my heartfelt thanks for all his help verbally. I think that means more to him than a card would. I am not great at expressing my feelings, so it is an achievement for me that I can do this. I know the act of telling him how much he means to me means way more to me than the act of giving him a card. But as you said, one size doesn't fit all, so cardgiving peeps, go for it, if you and your T's therapy orientation can accommodate it.

Sunrise, I'm sorry I love my current therapist. He's just the one for me. I probably should've added that for clarification that he is why I know the others weren't right for me. Make sense?

Maybe I need to examine WHY I hate boundaries so much...I guess partly because it feels like a rejection? I need to have personal relationships with people before I ever consider trusting them. That is a long story actually but this is probably why I feel the way I do...

I too hated boundaries, still can at times LOL, but what i've come to learn is that if a well adjusted person is using boundaries then I can trust they are for my own good and not being used as a weapon.

Trust is very hard! But its through witnessing the effects boundaries have on my relationship wth T that I am learning to understand them.

Sometimes it takes someone that really cares to appear "harsh"? it easy to "give in" but so hard to stand your ground, as I know from raising my 3 children! sometimes I have to say things to them that I feel awful about. But hopefully they know they can come to me because I will say what I mean and not just give in to appear the good mother? does that make sense?

Mouse, I see what you mean putting it that way. I have a two year old and I'm harsh when needed...

I think it would be fine to give a T a card or a gift. I have seen gifts in my T's office from other clients. I personally wouldn't give him either, but I don't know exactly why. Maybe I would be afraid that he wouldn't accept it?? I don't know. I also have read that some T's won't accept gifts or cards or even letters, as they want the client to verbalize their feelings with them and a gift or a card are a way around that. I think it really depends on the particular T.

I've got a friend who's a psychologist and she's told me before that she's not supposed to accept gifts. I think she did decide to accept a plant that one of her clients brought to her. But then they spent time talking about what the gift meant and what she was trying to express by giving it. So she used it to lead the person to express what they wanted to say verbally. I guess sometimes a gift can be a way around or in place of expressing something.

Sidony

Let me assure everyone that just by telling your T that you appreciate them is enough to make them feel good.

Yes, boundaries can frustrate at times. It's probably because you need them. You aren't used to having any boundaries that are real, and for your own good, but always as a rule and for someone else's "good" instead. That's one reason why, imo, it is so important that Ts remain consistent in their boundaries...to show you (us) that they are safe, that they can be trusted to hold to an agreement regardless.

Now, there are ways to get around those boundaries, if you're creative

Do bears go ____ in the woods! I,ve been wracking my brain
over this exact issue. LoL It makes perfect sense, I am a
dummy. My T or 2 T's hound me all the time but I never understood the reason why. Now I do! eek! What could be
helping my therapy is actually wounding my pride or at least
that's what I feel is happening to me. The answers certainly
don't come easy. lol.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:

Now, there are ways to get around those boundaries, if you're creative

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sky, that's what I'm talking about! I agree with you completely. We're all adults here!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
findebsoon said:
Do bears go ____ in the woods! I,ve been wracking my brain
over this exact issue. LoL It makes perfect sense, I am a
dummy. My T or 2 T's hound me all the time but I never understood the reason why. Now I do! eek! What could be
helping my therapy is actually wounding my pride or at least
that's what I feel is happening to me. The answers certainly
don't come easy. lol.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Thoughts quickly become actions, so think good thoughts as they come to you.