Is it weird to want to bring this to T?

Trigger - csa

I managed to break away from my abuser 3 years ago. I had felt trapped in an obligatory relationship with this person for years, but once my intense flashbacks started I could no longer pretend all of it didn't happen. I have made it very clear through my actions that I want no more contact with them. Due to the situation, which I won't go into detail about here, it has been a great challenge to ensure I don't 'run into' this person and it's been difficult to get others in my family to understand my reluctance to have anything to do with this person. 3 years on, I thought I was able to rid this person from my life. But, this Christmas, I was sent a present from my abuser. I found this really triggering. I don't want it. I can't open it. Yet I can't seem to throw it out. EverytimeI see it I get triggered. I feel like I want bring it to t with me and talk about it. Would you? Also WHY is this person sending me a Christmas present? Is it to taunt me?

That sounds like a horrible situation and I'm sorry to hear you're going through it.
I think taking it to your T would be a very good solution. You need a safe place to work out what the gift means for you and how you want to deal with it.
It could be that this person is trying to maintain a degree of power over you, but you can't control their actions, only your response to them, and hopefully the place of safety that T offers could help to ensure the abuser isn't able to regain an emotional hold on you.
For now could you put it in an opaque bag out of the way so you don't have to look at it? You could take it to T in the bag so you don't have to look at it at all until you get there (or ever if you don't want to).
Hugs and support whatever you decide

I would absolutely take it with my to T. Knowing my T, he'd help me find a way to dispose of it and of course, work with me on processing through the whole situation.

Feathers your T would be glad to see you through this. Do bring the package in. This isnt something to handle alone. Very painful.

I like your idea a lot, Echos. I have it hidden under a tea towel on the bench where I first put it down. There's a simple card attached, but I barely want to touch the thing. I don't know what to make of it, but my t will provide a safe place to explore it. Do I even care what it is - should I just get rid of it? Do I want to know what's inside to help understand the meaning of sending me this? What is the meaning in sending it in the first place - knowing I do not want any contact at all? Will I ever understand this person's intentions? Am I reading too much into it? So many questions. So many emotions.

My experience with abusers is that they always do things for themselves. They think they are good people, so sending a gift would, in his/her mind, be a way to further convince themselves of their goodness or rightness. Also, with some underlying motive to tell you you're wrong about them. At least, that's been my experience. Even in the face of a confession, they make themselves the martyr or victim. Once you get free of it, it's kind of fascinating to watch.

And yes, wrap that sucker up and take it to your therapist. Too bad safety codes do not allow a bonfire, because that might feel very satisfying.

I would absolutely take it to my t and i really frigging recommend that you do. my csa abuser sounds exactly like your one and would definitely do something as stupid as to send me a present. im so sorry, it must be incredibly triggering and nasty for you. try and hang in there, and remember that no longer does he have the power - you are in control of your own life now.

I think that taking it to your therapy session would be a very good idea. It could be opened (or not) in a safe environment. And whatever decision the two of you make your therapist would be there to help you process your emotions.

I was in this situation, too, Feathers, and I agree with those who answered above...take it to T and get some help with your feelings and what to do. Personally, I would mail it back to the Jerk so he will know his self-centered ploy was seen through and rejected.
it's so hard to make a thorough emotional break with someone like that, as it's hard to see them as they truly are.
It would be better if they were all evil and had beat you up so you could see for sure the bad they did. Some more time and sharing with the therapist will help with self esteem and fully understanding that you owe him/her nothing whatever. I even eventually married the man who started using me at age ten. He was good to me. I didn't see myself as a "victim" for a long time. But I didn't realize how very damaged I was until I had a breakdown. I got away from him, like you did yours, and he tried to get back with me. I'm so glad I stayed in therapy and got the reassurance and strength I needed.
I'm just saying this about myself because maybe it will help you stay with your T and keep on with the great courage you've had so far.

I agree with Restin. I'd take it to your T, talk about it, and eventually send it back so he knows he didn't win.

I would absolutely talk to my T about it. This is exactly what therapy is for.

I agree with what everyone has said. He is probably trying to control you, or he could be trying to appease some guilt he may be having.
I'm assuming when you're triggered its hard for you to cope. If I was you I would take it in and show your T, but don't open it until then. You need the extra support and opening would be comparable to opening a psychological pandora's box.

Thanks for the replies everyone Looks like taking it with me next week and discussing it with my t is the way to handle this situation. I've packed it away in a bag and will bring it to my next appointment.

Excellent point. Also, I once took a package to my T-- not a gift from my abuser, but something I had ordered from his office that was intended to help me with an issue I had. It was very "hot" for me to deal with. He kept the package for me until I was ready to open it, and then he kept the package after I opened it until I was ready to take it home. He "held" it for me and that was really helpful.

i'm glad you are bringing it.