Silly meaningfulness

(( biiv ))

Thank you!

Acceptance does feel good. This experience helped ME to evaluate HER in those first few sessions too. Many times I am so self-concious, worried what the T will think.. worried T will think I have no reason to be there or that I am beyond help..lol.., that I fail to examine how the T is responding to me. So this really opened up the opportunity to pay attention to how she responded to me and how I felt about it, to things that I was looking for such as the ability in the T to allow silences and not jump in to fill them up, a sense of humor, a neutrality that I could feel and would allow me to put things out there without worrying where they will 'land'..that is, without worrying about judgement because I know they will land in that neutrality. Things like that. So I had the chance to do that; to identify the things I was looking for and to determine if they were being offered. That's something I could now take to any T if I had to (thinking years ahead here!). And having identified these things, looked for them, found them, I'm now aware of them in session and it has a comforting and calming effect on me. Already I have said more about some things than I have ever said to anyone in all my years of on again/off again therapy.

ak is right, too. nothing risked, nothing gained. kinda defines therapy itself.

this seems to have been a huge breakthrough for you. your analysis of it and clarity thinking about it are impressive!
as a slight aside isnt that funny the way one day you can be terrified our T's will think we have no reason to be there and the next we can be just as terrified they think we re beyond help!? lol