[Ellahmae]

I have now been seeing t (my very first) for 4 months. 90% of our sessions is me talking thus I direct where I want to go and what we work on. However, I'm very good at avoiding and "being" a certain person all the time that I'm not sure this is 100% effective. I know it's working in some areas and I can see improvement but I want to dig deeper but I won't initiate it and I don't think it's fair to me or her to work on the surface without getting to some of the major issues/problems I have.

Can I ask her to ask me questions? I just don't know what the etiquette is. I have written out a 5 page document of random thoughts about myself likes, needs, tendencies. Should I give this to her? Would it make a difference? Would it play a role or just be something else she has to read in her 'spare' time? Blah. I really wish I didn't over complicate things.

eta: How do you know what's pertinent or important to share? Can you share too much?

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

I have now been seeing t (my very first) for 4 months. 90% of our sessions is me talking thus I direct where I want to go and what we work on. However, I'm very good at avoiding and "being" a certain person all the time that I'm not sure this is 100% effective. I know it's working in some areas and I can see improvement but I want to dig deeper but I won't initiate it and I don't think it's fair to me or her to work on the surface without getting to some of the major issues/problems I have.

Can I ask her to ask me questions? I just don't know what the etiquette is. I have written out a 5 page document of random thoughts about myself likes, needs, tendencies. Should I give this to her? Would it make a difference? Would it play a role or just be something else she has to read in her 'spare' time? Blah. I really wish I didn't over complicate things.

My first therapist, who turned out to be a very bad fit for me, rarely asked me questions. It left me feeling like he had no interest. My 2nd (and current) therapist asks me lots of questions. It's really helpful to me. For one, it makes me feel like she's actually interested. And if I'm talking about something I'm struggling with, her questions make me think.. and help me arrive at a resolution for myself. Anyway, one thing you could do is bring up two major issues that are important to you. Tell her you really want to go into it, but don't know how, or don't know where to start. I think her job is to make it easy for you to get it out.

[Victoria'smom]

Last t I wrote pages between sessions questions, history, issues, the sky being blue.... I typed everything up and gave it to her. So writing things isn't off limits. There's no such thing as TMI in therapy. I would give her your 5 page history. It'll help her. Whatever comes into my head is important to say.

My view is: take the bull by the horns and say the difficult things yourself. Maybe you taking the courage to bring up the difficult things yourself is all part of the process and will be more healing in the long run.

[ThisWayOut]

When I have difficulty talking about something, I sometimes will bring up the topic, then tell t she needs to ask me about it, because it's hard to talk about.
Other times, I write it out then ask to talk about what's written. I start with a new t tomorrow, and have some stuff written out to tell her. Most of it is how I function, why, and what I'd like to get out of therapy this time around. I normal just get around to telling a t all this stuff, but my time with this one will be very limited, so I want to get right into things without that messy "getting to know you" phase...

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

Tell her you really want to go into it, but don't know how, or don't know where to start. I think her job is to make it easy for you to get it out.

Thanks for the suggestion!

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

My view is: take the bull by the horns and say the difficult things yourself. Maybe you taking the courage to bring up the difficult things yourself is all part of the process and will be more healing in the long run.

That is very true thank you for that reminder - we have talked about how things may not be ready to come out yet and that's okay.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

There's no such thing as TMI in therapy. I would give her your 5 page history. It'll help her. Whatever comes into my head is important to say.

True, that makes sense. I may not know what's important but she will.

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

When I have difficulty talking about something, I sometimes will bring up the topic, then tell t she needs to ask me about it, because it's hard to talk about. Other times, I write it out then ask to talk about what's written.

A lot of what I have written out is just about the general me - I want to stop chatting during the first part of the session and just get to work. I figure with all of the random unknowns out there, there will be less chitchat. I'm hoping anyway.

[nottrustin]

Even after 6 years with my therapist I occasionally have a hard time bringing up uncomfortable subjects. When I get to the point that I really feel like we need to discuss it I will send her an email. I will just tell her that I know it is something I need to bring up in a session but am unable to. She will thank me for letting her know and she can understand why it is hard to bring up. At the next session she will bring up the topic. She does ask if I was unable to bring up the subject because of fear she will judge me. That has not really been the case...

As far as the random information you could ask her what she thinks about giving her the pages you have written out.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

As far as the random information you could ask her what she thinks about giving her the pages you have written out.

I do have discussing my 'novella' as one of my top 3 items for our next session. I don't want to just barage her with it.

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I will just tell her that I know it is something I need to bring up in a session but am unable to. She will thank me for letting her know and she can understand why it is hard to bring up. At the next session she will bring up the topic. She does ask if I was unable to bring up the subject because of fear she will judge me. That has not really been the case...

This has been one of her suggestions of how to bring it up also I could write down a topic and she would randomly bring it up gently at some point when she thinks I could be ready. I do fear judgement, a lot - that's one of the first things we have been working on.

[JaneTennison1]

I asked my T one day for help getting to the point quicker in next session. Sure enough the next time she started with "so last time it sounded important to talk about x. Is there something you want to say about x?" and went from there.