Prepraring for session

Does anyone else "prepare" for their session? I find myself rehearsing what I'm going to say and trying to make sure I'm going to "get it right". It's like I need to go in and say the right things and have the right conversations to make sure the session goes well and I keep T properly engaged with me and wanting to keep seeing me weekly. I'm always afraid T will want to cut back our sessions or bring up again that she's not helping me. She made that comment out of frustration a couple of weeks ago and it really bothered me. We actually have a good relationship and have had for four years. I've done this for the entire four years, so it's not new or just because of this new comment. I'm always worried about making sure the session is going to be "just right".

I used to plan out my sessions. I'd make a list during the week of everything I wanted to talk about, and then I would prioritize it in an outline and email it to my T. I'd also rehearse what I wanted to say in my head. She told me I had to stop because I was trying to control everything and I wasn't learning how to communicate verbally.

I still make a running list of questions and topics, but I save it for the days if/when we run out of things to talk about. Some things get crossed off the list because they get resolved or no longer matter. I have yet to use the list yet because we have been dealing with weekly/daily struggles for quite a while now that we haven't had time for the learning portion of therapy.

I do like not planning better. It just feels more natural and I'm actually able to be more present, more myself.

I make a plan, otherwise my mind goes blank and I don't think of the things I want to talk about, but there is plenty there if I prepare it. I think my T thinks I need to control it, haven't had that conversation yet with her. Maybe after a year or so I will be able to be more spontaneous?

Often I have a few things I know I want to say, but I never practice saying them. I'll either make a list on paper or in my mind. Sometimes I write a monologue to read, typically when whatever it is happens to be difficult to say for some reason and I haven't been able to say it for several weeks despite thinking about it. A lot of times we don't end up discussing anything I plan on talking about... my current therapist is a lot more chatty and in the moment than some. My ex therapist would start each session with "what's been on your mind?" giving me a super easy opportunity to unleash all my prepared material.

I try to line out things I want to discuss. Otherwise, I wind up just rambling.

Yep I do this also, but not to the degree you seem to. I prep a short mental list of things I wish to cover (usually compiled throughout the week) and start session with a brief week recap and then move on to the stuff I really want to speak about. T is pretty good at spotting the things which are most important anyhow and if I miss something off my list then I reason that there is always next time and maybe it wasn't that important anyway.

Yes I do and it never goes how I thought it would which inevitably leads to frustration and upset on my part. I should try going with the flow but that just goes against everything my being is telling me.

To be prepared is to protect oneself from more pain. To be prepared is to stay one step ahead and pre-empt the pain. But realistically, this is a therapist we're talking about, most of whom do not set out to hurt.

I dunno, I struggle with it too!

Suraya, I do the same thing because of the same worries as you! If I don't rehearse, my mind goes blank. There are only 50 minutes so there is pressure to fill the time with meaningful topics.

I have to write an outline of what I'm going to talk about or else I sit in there like a deer in the headlights for the better part of an hour. From past experience I know that I cannot trust my brain to improvise. The "so what do you want to talk about/was there anything else you wanted to talk about" line is the bitter enemy.

I write three to four topics on a piece of paper and let the natural flow of conversation determine which things we do or do not talk about.

I've done it numerous ways. Today I had a difficult conversation I wanted to have to have, so I practiced it many times over. Sometimes I bring an agenda. Other times I just go in and say what's on my mind. I do talk to my therapist in my mind all the time, though.

I have to prepare and steel myself to go in there in the first place. Gird up my loins.
I don't usually prepare what to say.

I keep a journal throughout the week, and then review it before going in. I am really good at forgetting what happened during the week and would miss some pretty significant observations and experiences if I relied on remembering. It also helps me talk better about how I processed our discussion during the course of the week, because where I was when I left the session and where I am when I arrive for the next session are often very very different. My journaling notes are sometimes just little jots about how I'm feeling, recurring images or thoughts I need to put on paper to try and stop thinking about, or sometimes notes about what is really standing out from the previous session and really resonating.

When I have really needed to open up about painful things (the first session, talking about why I was there, and the issues that we would have to work on, the fourth session where I needed to talk about feeling like talking about csa but not feeling ready to say more than that, for example), I have rehearsed how I would bring it up and what I would say, to introduce the topic but I try not to plan beyond the initial disclosure.

I read through my dreams or whatever else I've emailed her to prepare for talking about it, those times when I haven't sent her anything, I'll just do some breathing or drum a little to relax and get grounded before I call her. Today was one of the days I read through the dreams I had sent so they'd be fresh in my mind when we talked.

Yes, I'm in the "deer in headlights if I don't prepare" camp. I write out an outline, print out posts that I've made here that I need to share with T, and sometimes write out things that I don't think I'll be able to say, so he can read them. I basically show up with a notebook and a file folder full of papers!

The one time I didn't prepare with current T, however, he handled it so well. I didn't have anything I wanted to talk about, and he managed to get me talking about my past... not the scary bad parts, but things that I think were still useful for him to hear. Maybe. At least I was talking, and not re-traumatized by it... so yay for that!

I try to rehearse 2-3 points beforehand and draw a conclusion. In rare cases bring a postit note to prompt me of topics. A few times if previous session was rough I'll say "I got nothing for ya!" Then she has me free associate with just a few prompts. Those can be really useful sessions.

I don't bring the physical list in with me. I rehearse talking with her in my mind until I feel like I know what I want to say. I want to make sure there won't be any silent time in session - or wasted time. I hate the silence. I also don't want it to feel like I don't have anything worthwhile I need to work on. Maybe it is all a control thing and I'm afraid to go with the flow. I hate that deer in headlights feeling when T just stares at me in silence. It makes me feel so awkward.

No. Sometimes I might have a direction in mind, but that's all. I try to just exist and let it go where it goes. I'm fake everywhere else so I try not to be fake in T.