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#1
Jan 22, 2015, 04:21 PM
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Today, T was so kind to me. I've been doing a lot better lately and now that i'm in a healthier place I honestly just don't know how to handle it. I'm so used to not being present that now that I am - its feels overwhelming. So, I self sabotaged, engaging in some unhealthy (mind altering) coping mechanisms. Naturally today, as an after effect, I was overly emotional.
I am not a crier at all. But today, I just kept breaking down crying. I cried. Then, we talked. I cried some more. Then it was time to go and I knew it was time to go, so I shut down. She picked up on this and offered an extended session. I told her I didn't know if I should and then broke down crying some more. Needless to say we stayed there for an extra 30 minutes and she was just so supportive of me. She did question if I needed to go to the hospital, because she was afraid i'd hurt myself unintentionally. But besides that she just sat there, supported me, listened to me and let me cry freely. I was making what felt like no sense at all (being depressed because nothing is wrong  ) and yet she completely validated my confusion and my attempt to navigate this new place I'm in. I'm just so grateful to have such a compassionate and loving T as her. I have no idea what I did on this earth to deserve her.
__________________
A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go...  ]
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 Inner_Firefly, rainbow8, ThisWayOut, unaluna
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 rainbow8
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#2
Jan 22, 2015, 05:05 PM
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The self-sabotaging makes sense, though isn't healthy. We're so used to living in turmoil that it feels empty? quiet? w/o it. So we seeks it out. Not because we want it, but because it's familiar. The loss of the turmoil in a sense causes it's own pain and it's own confusion.
It's similar to a diabetic starting medication. The body is used to high sugar levels that it goes into shock when the levels lower to normal. It takes time for the body to get used to "normal". Same with the mind and "normal" emotional levels.
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"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
| tealBumblebee
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#3
Jan 22, 2015, 06:17 PM
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Hmmm, this is what I'm at lately it seems... Making myself sick and panicking so I can't do a few simple things to move myself forward. Frustrating...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
'... At poor peace I sing To you strangers (though song Is a burning and crested act, The fire of birds in The world's turning wood, For my sawn, splay sounds,) ...' Dylan Thomas, Author's Prologue |
| tealBumblebee
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#4
Jan 22, 2015, 06:42 PM
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What a wonderful and kind T you have! She sounds very caring and tuned into your feelings. It must feel good to be validated, even when you think your feelings don't make sense. She truly wants to help you navigate this new state of mind, and help you get to an even healthier place. So happy for you, and wishing you continued growth with this great T!
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| tealBumblebee
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#5
Jan 22, 2015, 06:58 PM
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ScarletPimpernel, you have a good analogy with the diabetic medication. I completely agree with it. You wouldn't think it'd be so hard to be healthy and yet it is...
JustShakey, The way my T explained it to me was that I (we) are in a healthier place and it's different and confusing trying to navigate a place we've never been. So, we resort to old coping mechanisms, but because we are in a different place they don't have the same effect and it leaves us searching for something we can't get as easily as the way we used to. She said that it is crucial though, to implement healthy habits especially in this transition time because I guess basically it's setting up the baseline to our "new" life. Like you, I find it hard to do the simple things it takes to move forward. I can think/dream about them but when it comes to action I hold myself back. This week i'm working on replacing those not so healthy habits with better ones - her suggestion is fake it until you make it. Perhaps you could try this? Inner_Firefly, Thank you. I think she is amazing as well. She isn't just resolved with taking me to a new place and just dropping me off; she's hand in hand on the journey of navigating through the new environment as well. I have no idea but through the grace of God how I ended up in the presence of someone so kind. Thank you for the well wishes. |
| Inner_Firefly, ThisWayOut
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#6
Jan 22, 2015, 08:49 PM
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Yeah... My T said I would get through this and it would become my new 'normal'. It's hard to believe though... I've struggled before and wound up back at the beginning... Maybe I gave up too soon, or backed the wrong horse, so to speak. Anyhoo, T said he wouldn't let me self-sabotage. I believe that at least.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
'... At poor peace I sing To you strangers (though song Is a burning and crested act, The fire of birds in The world's turning wood, For my sawn, splay sounds,) ...' Dylan Thomas, Author's Prologue |
| tealBumblebee
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#7
Jan 22, 2015, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
__________________
A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ]
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| JustShakey
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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