[Abby]

Maybe there is just something inherently wrong with me...or maybe there is nothing wrong and that is why no therapy works. I get told I'm too rational one minute and that might suggest something, then the next I'm told my emotions are more intense than most people's are and that could suggest something...then I'm told I need to be in therapy to help rewire my brain that was apparently shaped in childhood but then the next minute it is suggested it is a neurological condition in itself...then the next, I don't know, both?! I'm told this therapy will help me, then I give it a number of months and I get more sick and I tell my therapist I need to feel heard...so it's all "fine, I am trained in a variety of things, I can be flexible"...yet the week before she is intent that the type of therapy I required was the one I signed up for.

But none of them seems to help me, it is just the same and I'm spending lots and continuing the same. I'm told my previous type of therapy won't work but I'm not sick enough for financial help with this one...and besides she's willing to give the other one ago briefly if I want/feel it'll help. Maybe I shouldn't bother at all.

It is always my brain that is at fault but one theory suggests an issue from birth (purely genetic/biological) and the other suggests it is biopsychosocial issue and then the next some structural split theory or other. I don't care about the label nor about which theory/angle she will swaps to from one week to the next - but I care about spending yet more time and huge amounts of money on a therapy that doesn't help me. I care about leaving therapy and being so overwhelmed I hurt myself and lose another day in my life. But if I ask why I am how I am, then I'm told that I like to know why too much. I like to know why because I'm trying to figure out if its worth it for me.

I'm genuinely depressed about it all. I want a normal life - maybe I should have a break from therapy. I do it because I want to stop self harming and be able to feel meaningfully connected to my family/friends...but maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe my self harm is just another persons glass of wine in the evening - just another way to get through life. Besides it is not as though I don't have friends/family...I'm clearly capable of managing that, maybe I just have to be satisfied that it doesn't always touch me to the extent I feel it should. Maybe I have too high expectations of life.

[SoupDragon]

I am sorry that your therapy hasn't given you some answers so far. Sounds like you have been told so many confusing things.

I have no answers / advice other than when things have felt so difficult for me, I just keep plodding and try not to lose hope.

Soup

[ThisWayOut]

That sounds very confusing. I can see how it would be frustrating. I wonder if maybe you are stuck in the same rut I was a while ago: all the recommended and accepted therapies for what they said I have were simply making things worse. I was told it was because I wasn't trying hard enough. Turns out, I just don't respond well to that therapy style because of my history.
If there is something that you think may help you, keep trying for it. The right approach & the right clinician/team can make all the difference.

[Restin]

Abby, it certainly does sound painful and confusing to feel pulled this way and that. You seem very intelligent, though, and so I'm suggesting (just suggesting) reading psychotherapy books online or buying some from web stores, to decide what you can believe in, what sounds right for you. Then, you can select a therapist who treats by that method. I don't mean the pop psychology, but the scholarly writers of modern psychotherapy methods, such as Balint, Winnicott, Guntrip, Chessick, etc. , or whatever author inspires you. I did that and have a whole library of books. But my therapist and I don't spend the hour intellectualizing. We don't talk about the books, but I just have guidance to keep me focused. We're in deep therapy now and I feel for the first time that we're working where my inner development failed.

[archipelago]

I agree with what has been said already. People think "options" and "more" is a good thing, when obviously that is not always true. Being told different things is totally crazy making and would bother anyone.

I am not sure how to respond because you don't get into the specifics of what therapies you mean or what the issue is.

So all I can really say is that first except for things that are neurological such as dementia, there is no disorder that is completely genetic. And saying something is part of the brain doesn't do anything (and is suspect if they are not brain specialists) because of course in some ways everything can be traced back to the brain, but that says virtually nothing while eliminating all the effects of other factors.

[guilloche]

Just wanted to add my support. I feel very similarly - it's really hard to find good therapy, it's hard to know if the problems you're facing are actually things that can and need to be dealt with in therapy, it all feels very... directionless (at least to me).

Hang in there, and I hope things start to make more sense soon!