With words and T I have certain words which try to strangle and choke me when I try to say them. My T has said its ok I'm probably not ready, but if these words affect me as in panic attacks doesn't that mean I'm ready? To at least attempt to say them, my T keeps reminding me that every time we try to do this I destabilise.
I don't know what I need perhaps reassurance that others understand.

[Ellahmae]

I can completely relate! There are several words that do the same to me that I can't speak and have an attack. My T says to stop trying to force them and they will come when they are ready. It's a step closer but still for me not quite there yet.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I can understand. There are many words that are difficult for me. Some I can say a synonym, some I can't say at all. Some I'm okay with hearing, others will send me into a complete breakdown. The word "love" is a difficult word for me to say and hear when it comes to relationships. I can't say any "private" body part words and I cringe when I hear them. There is really only one word (and its synonyms) that I cannot hear. My T knows not to ever bring up the topic or say any words relating to it.

I think sometimes we just want to get past the struggle of words. I mean, technically, words are just letters put together to communicate something. But the meaning behind the words (not just the definition) can be so powerful. So while there might be the desire to push ourselves to say something, the fact that the thought of saying something is already overwhelming might be our mind and body communicating that we're actually not ready.

[ThisWayOut]

There are definitely things that catch in my throat and I cannot say them. I can't talk about my abuse still, though it effects me a lot. I can sometimes type the words or draw it out, but I still can't say them... maybe you could talk around the topic instead of saying the words (if you really feel that you need to address it).

[MindfulMoment]

I'm the same Bipolarartist. Although I have no problems saying certain words in normal everyday conversations, when I'm relating them to myself in therapy I can't bring myself to say them, although I haven't told T this and tend to change the subject. I think your Ts right though, maybe trying not to force it and letting it happen naturally when your mind decides it is ready is perhaps the best approach.

MM

[archipelago]

I get that stuck feeling in my throat, but usually from non-verbal things. I just freeze and go silent. Even if soothing happens, I can't get out of it. It is very frustrating for me and my therapist, though he has more patience than I do.

When I attempt to do difficult things in therapy, I try to picture like the crest of a wave, where there is a section that is my comfort zone and a section that is way outside it, but there is an area just along the edge, and that that is where growth happens, even if painful or scary, and even if temporarily destabilizing. As long as it isn't unsafe, pushing at that edge can be really healing and helpful.

[Knittingismytherapy]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

With words and T I have certain words which try to strangle and choke me when I try to say them. <snip>
I don't know what I need perhaps reassurance that others understand.

I can definitely understand. There are some words that I can barely squeak out, and others that I'm paralyzed by, yet oddly enough, the words and subject are ones that I talk about with friends and random online folks without a problem. I think for me there is just so much more significance on the word or subject when discussing it with T, and I can't talk in general terms at all. It's specific to me and completely exposed.