[RTerroni]

I was going to mention this to my Therapist at session next week if I have time (have a lot of other things that I need to discuss first), but now that 2 years have past since I stopped seeing a former Therapist of mine (which I have heard is the required waiting period before getting back in touch) I was thinking about getting back in touch with her. I was wondering if anyone on here has tried to get back in touch with a former Therapist and what the result was.

I know that she has a Facebook page but I don't know if it is a good idea to do something like send her a Friend Request right out of the blue.

[kaliope]

i think this can be a delicate area. what are you looking at getting back in touch with her for? what was your relationship like as client/t? would she welcome the type of relationship you are thinking about? most t's dont see their client's outside of the context of therapuetic relationship so it may be difficult to find a way to reintroduce yourself.

[RTerroni]

I was thinking that same thing, especially since things didn't end the way I wanted them to. Although I sort of this as either a way for her to re-gain some of the good we had or just have me end up forgetting her altogether.

[scorpiosis37]

I would not send her a message or friend request on facebook. Facebook is personal; it's for friends. If you want to send a message, I would send it to your T's professional e-mail address or call her at her work. Other than simply giving her an update about your life, I'm not sure what you're looking for with respect to getting back in touch. Did she say, at the end of therapy, that you could contact her in the future? Most Ts do not interact with former clients outside of receiving the occasional update or sending records to a new therapist. My T has told me that, when therapy ends, I can send her occasional updates via e-mail or schedule a one-off session if I happen to be in town (I will be moving eventually). She said that she only offers that to long-term clients with whom she has a strong connection. With most clients, she says there is no contact once therapy ends. I have never had contact with a previous therapist outside of requesting paperwork.

[RTerroni]

It's sort of an interesting thing with my former Therapist because I don't believe she is still at the place that I saw her at (although if that is the case than I left there before she did), so I really don't have a professional e-mail address for her. I think that when I left her I sort of left things open-ended when I mentioned keeping in touch while she only mentioned if I wanted to re-start Therapy with her she didn't really say that I couldn't do it for other reasons and I will also say that while I did alter the goodbye card that I gave her a bit (in order for it to conform to our situation) I did leave in the line about trying your best to stay in touch. So it could be that the only way I have to re-connect with her is to send her a message on Facebook, which since we are not currently connected on Facebook would cost me $1 (which wouldn't break the bank even for me) for the message to go directly to her Inbox (otherwise it would go to her other folder and I know that some people never check that).

I guess Facebook is an interesting way to re-connect and I guess it differs for the Therapist and also how long it has been since they last saw each other. I can tell you that my former Therapist has close to 400 friends on Facebook and I wonder if any of them are ex-clients of hers. I will say that I reject the whole personal thing when it comes to Facebook, I currently have over 600 friends on Facebook and I know maybe 200 of them personally.

[RTerroni]

I can also say that even if I decide to do nothing at this time, doesn't necessarily mean that I won't get back in touch with her, I think that there is never too long of a time to not get back in touch. Over a decade ago I can remember going to an extreme sports event and meeting and getting an autograph from an American speed climber (although she was really more of a rock climber and I really wanted to meet her since I am a big rock climbing fan), I remember as I was leaving her saying that "I'll talk to you later" but really thought nothing of it (this was before the days of social media mind you) but about a decade later we re-connected via Facebook and now communicate with each other personally at least a few times a month. I am in no way trying to equate an extreme sporting athlete to a former Therapist but I just wanted to illustrate that even if it is much longer than 2 years before you get back in touch it is never too late to do so.

[feralkittymom]

since things didn't end the way I wanted them to. Although I sort of this as either a way for her to re-gain some of the good we had or just have me end up forgetting her altogether.

This sounds like some sort of test or attempt to re-write the past. I don't think that's usually a good basis for a relationship.

My concerns about you is that you have always made boundaries all about you without any respect or care that a therapist has their own boundaries. You've always had the attitude that if you want it, that is how it should be without regard for what the therapist might want. I kind of hear that in this thread again.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My concerns about you is that you have always made boundaries all about you without any respect or care that a therapist has their own boundaries. You've always had the attitude that if you want it, that is how it should be without regard for what the therapist might want. I kind of hear that in this thread again.

I think that may be the case but at the same time I know that some people on here have re-connected with their Therapist after a certain period of time so I was wondering what their experience has been and what the best course of action for me should be.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I was going to mention this to my Therapist at session next week if I have time (have a lot of other things that I need to discuss first), but now that 2 years have past since I stopped seeing a former Therapist of mine (which I have heard is the required waiting period before getting back in touch) I was thinking about getting back in touch with her. I was wondering if anyone on here has tried to get back in touch with a former Therapist and what the result was.

I know that she has a Facebook page but I don't know if it is a good idea to do something like send her a Friend Request right out of the blue.

I think the 2 years is just the dating time limit. I would say go ahead and contact her, but maybe start with a phone call or an email. I think the odds you can be friends will be low, even after the two years, so I would go at it with my expectations very low. In my mind there's no reason not to try though. If you are like me the thought will nag at you forever, what if? It wouldn't be weird to want to check back in with her and see how she is though, so it's worth a try in my book. just don't have high hopes or you'll risk being let down.

[unaluna]

Mine are all old and married or dead. I do still run into one who i would bang in a new york minute, despite his age and marital status, but i would probably hate myself in the morning!! Chemistry is a funny thing. There are other fish in the sea, just gotta go fishin'! So i browse okcupid a lot, trying to find the attributes i like - the men who fit are few and far between, but at least i am learning to distinguish.

[Lauliza]

I am of the camp that doesn't view Facebook as particularly private, or if you do your account is set up that way. I don't see any harm in send a Facebook message so long as you are aware that the odds of receiving a reply aren't high. Also keep in mind that even if you pay to have the message she can still control who she receives messages from. Even with the messaging app, I only receive messages from friends- the rest go to some inbox I don't ever check. If you can handle that and not try any other personal means of contacting her, then why not give it a try?

[guilloche]

You know what, I think that if you feel this strongly about it - you should go ahead and contact her. I don't see anything inherently wrong with reaching out to your ex-therapist, and since this person IS a therapist, they should be fully capable of enforcing their own boundaries if they don't want to be in touch.

I don't think you should stalk them, or send them a thousand messages a day, or continue to send messages if they ask you not to... and I think you need to be aware of and OK with the possibility that they might not be interested in staying in touch, but other than that... I don't see any harm in you sending a message saying, "hi there, I just wanted to get in touch and see how you're doing" (or whatever you'd say).

I don't do FB, so I'll refrain from guessing whether it's an appropriate medium for that!

To answer your original question, I'm not in touch with any of my previous therapists, but I really didn't have great relationships with any of them. I am trying to contact the last one to get a copy of a consultation report that I think she may have, but haven't gotten a response. But, my current T sent out an email at Christmas time (apparently to all his past and current patients? I'm not sure, addresses were hidden) - and at the end, he asked people who haven't been in touch for awhile to drop him a line and let him know how they were doing. He said, "I truly want to know." Awww. I thought that was kind, so who knows, your ex-T may not want to develop a non-professional relationship with you, but she might be wondering about how you are!

[RTerroni]

I mentioned this at session today and she told me to make my own decision regarding it, which I thought was good. I told her that I may decide to do something before I meet her again in a month but I may not, which doesn't necessarily mean that I won't do something in the future. I told her about the Facebook page she has and she said that if I have no other way to get in contact with her that it might be OK to go that route as well.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I think that may be the case but at the same time I know that some people on here have re-connected with their Therapist after a certain period of time so I was wondering what their experience has been and what the best course of action for me should be.

Imo, the " best course of action " is to explore WHY you have the need/desire to persue a connection or even the possibility of a connection with a therapist that you are not supposed to maintain a connection with.

Why do you need/desire to force a change to another's boundaries.

That, to me, is the issue.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

Imo, the " best course of action " is to explore WHY you have the need/desire to persue a connection or even the possibility of a connection with a therapist that you are not supposed to maintain a connection with.

Why do you need/desire to force a change to another's boundaries.

That, to me, is the issue.

My former Therapist NEVER said that I can't re-establish a connection with her.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

My former Therapist NEVER said that I can't re-establish a connection with her.

Just because she didn't say you could not does not mean you should. Imo (just my opinion), the issue is WHY do you want to.

Most clients are not quite as persistent about post-termination contact as you are. I think that should be examined. There is a reason why, and that reason is more important than whether you do or not.

It is a recurrent and persistent theme for you.

Why?

Answer that.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

Just because she didn't say you could not does not mean you should. Imo (just my opinion), the issue is WHY do you want to.

Most clients are not quite as persistent about post-termination contact as you are. I think that should be examined. There is a reason why, and that reason is more important than whether you do or not.

It is a recurrent and persistent theme for you.

Why?

Answer that.

I wasn't terminated with this Therapist, I had to leave due to a change in insurance. I just think now that the 2 year "safe zone" period has passed that it might be a good idea to get back in touch with her should I choose to do so.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I wasn't terminated with this Therapist, I had to leave due to a change in insurance. I just think now that the 2 year "safe zone" period has passed that it might be a good idea to get back in touch with her should I choose to do so.

Why do you think it is a good idea to get back in touch with her?

[feralkittymom]

I wouldn't read much into your T's response. If you're only seeing her once a month, then your therapy is likely supportive, as opposed to active work. In that situation, she's not going to address any deeper level issues.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

Why do you think it is a good idea to get back in touch with her?

Maybe to just tell her how things have been over the last 2 years or so.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Maybe to just tell her how things have been over the last 2 years or so.

Ok, fine. Call her. Whatever.

[RTerroni]

Another thing I have to consider if I decide to re-connect on Facebook is that I post a lot of political (and religious) things on Facebook, I don't know how religious my previous Therapist is but I can tell you that her political views are almost the complete opposite of mine, now I can choose to block her from seeing those posts but I'll have to remember to do so.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Another thing I have to consider if I decide to re-connect on Facebook is that I post a lot of political (and religious) things on Facebook, I don't know how religious my previous Therapist is but I can tell you that her political views are almost the complete opposite of mine, now I can choose to block her from seeing those posts but I'll have to remember to do so.

Try to take one step at a time and see if you are even able to make the connection. Have you sent her the friend request yet?

[JaneTennison1]

Send the request but I would examine why you feel the need to do this. Don't be surprised if she says no. 'the rule' may be two years but her rule may be never.