[growlithing]

I'm an usher at a concert hall. LCM knows this. She knows which one. I've shown it to her. She roughly knows my shifts as well. Today, I was working front and center and she shows up. I am completely dumbstruck. I had imagined her randomly showing up before, but it actually happened. I asked her what was she doing here, and she said it was her daughter's concert. She was with a man that I presumed to be her boyfriend. I was kinda so taken aback at her being there that I don't know if it was who I thought it was, but he looked a lot like the psychiatrist she wanted me to see. So she wanted me to spend $200 a visit on a man she was ****ing. She said he was a friend. I wouldn't have cared if she said he was her boyfriend. I'd just want to know if she had ulterior motives.

It was her daughter's concert so the kid was there and she came to my home to see her real daughter and can't understand why I'm so heartbroken. I was sent home and took a bit of meds and chased it with some jack.

[ScarletPimpernel]

1. You don't know if that was her bf
2. You don't know if that was the Pdoc
3. You don't know if she's sleeping with him
4. None of those things are any of your business
5. She has a right to see her daughter's concert
6. You are not her daughter

Reality sometimes sucks. This is why staying in denial is so unhealthy. Your LCM has her own life. You need to start building yours. I understand it's painful and scary and overwhelming. But it's a necessary part of life and being an adult.

Have you made any progress on finding a T?

[doyoutrustme]

It may have not been her boyfriend
It may have not been a psychiatrist
It may have been two people out as colleagues
It may have been her BF is a good psychiatrist
Or maybe you are right.

If you jump to the worst conclusion so fast, why are you trusting her as your therapist?

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

1. You don't know if that was her bf
2. You don't know if that was the Pdoc
3. You don't know if she's sleeping with him
4. None of those things are any of your business
5. She has a right to see her daughter's concert
6. You are not her daughter

Reality sometimes sucks. This is why staying in denial is so unhealthy. Your LCM has her own life. You need to start building yours. I understand it's painful and scary and overwhelming. But it's a necessary part of life and being an adult.

Have you made any progress on finding a T?

I second this.

And you assume the only reason she would refer to you someone is because that would help the income of someone she is sleeping with? Really? 1. Your business probably wouldn't make much difference in the scheme of things in his practice financially. 2. What a way to think of your LC! Jump to the worst possible conclusion.

Her life is her own. That's the reality.

You need a licensed therapist. How's that search going? You can't collapse every time the reality that this woman is not your mother hits you. You need some help other than her, so you can build some healthy coping skills and gain a dose of perspective and reality.

[TheWell]

I'm confused as to what alterior motives you think she might have. She was there to see her daughter's concert. She has no control over where it's held. Rarely do people go alone to these things so it's not strange that she was with someone.

It's something you need to discuss with her.

[ThisWayOut]

I think you are setting yourself up by continuing to see LCM. You are also not doing yourself any favors by not finding a trauma t to help you through your stuff...

[stopdog]

The first one I see has warned me when there was a chance of me seeing her out of context at the courthouse. I do think the lcm could have warned you. Not changed, not not gone to her daughter's concert, but she could given you the head's up.

[pbutton]

Why were you sent home?

[musinglizzy]

I had to read the last paragraph a couple times to "get it."

Do you, in your head, feel like you are her daughter? There's a big difference between longing to be, and actually feeling like you are. If you feel that way, for your own well-being, you should either try to work very extensively through that with her, or find someone else. You're going to get hurt. Even more than you feel now.

[growlithing]

Ulterior motives meaning she would be getting the money I'd be paying the pdoc if I saw him. And yes I'm pretty sure that's her boyfriend considering that I asked her and she told me she's done with the conversation

Originally Posted by growlithing

Ulterior motives meaning she would be getting the money I'd be paying the pdoc if I saw him. And yes I'm pretty sure that's her boyfriend considering that I asked her and she told me she's done with the conversation

Sorry, but thinking she would be getting the money is pretty warped thinking.

[stopdog]

I would think it depends upon directly or indirectly. If my partner makes more money then some of it benefits me. I know some lawyers who have their own social workers to help clients out so they don't go spend money on a separate company for some things.
And there are psychiatrists who have their clients see therapists in their own group.

If your LCM had come to you and said, "I'd like you to go see my boyfriend, who is a psychiatrist, because he's starting up his own private practice and needs some clients to help out financially." then you'd have reason to be a bit miffed. But from what you've seemed to have indicated, she simply referred you to a psychiatrist, who she thinks would be a good fit for you and who she feels is a competent professional.

You don't mention that she told you this was her "boyfriend" that she was referring you to. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to a good doc or a good therapist, I want my friends and family to know how good that person is and I often refer them to the professional. I also refer them to solid, competent professionals that I know through my job or that I've met socially. I'm guessing, from how protective and nurturing your LCM has been with you, that she simply wanted you to have the benefit of seeing someone she respects and thinks is a good psychiatrist. She didn't mess up the referral by saying, "Hey, I'm dating this really awesome psychiatrist and I want you to go see him." Personally, her letting you know her personal relationship with the guy would have probably caused this exact messy situation or would have put undue pressure on you to comply.

As for her going to her daughter's concert, that's a given. Family always comes first, as painful as that might be to us clients! It would have been nice if she let you know that she was going to be there for a concert but I'm sorry, she doesn't owe you that. She has the right to have a life outside of her relationship with you. The best thing to do is talk about the pain with her and work through it.

[stopdog]

Is the lcm on vacation?

[growlithing]

h

Originally Posted by stopdog

Is the lcm on vacation?

No or I wouldn't have have seen her in Boston. I'll see her on tues by shore she leaves

So, why were you sent home from work?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

So, why were you sent home from work?

I cried a lot and couldn't focus. My supervisor for today who is also my friend said I can go home and she'll cover for me

All that's known from this is that your life coach has a personal life. And you're hurting because of it. I hope you can sort this out and keep her in your life while also seeing a licensed therapist who can help you through things like this.

[A Red Panda]

Why do you jump so often to your LC's sex life? It's not the first time that it's came up.

She didn't have to tell you she was going - maybe it could have helped, but maybe she had her reasons for deciding not to give you a heads up. There was always a chance that you wouldn't be working, or that she wouldn't run into you. She may have been trying to avoid your reaction to her being somewhere with her daughter.

I gotta say that I'm proud of your LC for telling you that she's done with the conversation - she has no reason to discuss her personal life with you and clearly doesn't want to and doesn't appreciate whatever prying you might have been doing.

[stopdog]

Come to think of it, even the second one I see told me when she was going to be on my campus for something. Not the law school, just on campus at a building where I never go. Perhaps they know to warn a client because they are actual therapists. I do think she should have warned you.

Depends on the venue and how recently you've seen your T or pdoc. The concert hall I perform in is huge so it only be chance if I ever saw him in the audience or outside the hall itself. I know my pdoc goes frequently and I've run into him only once, but it was no big deal. It was just by chance he had seats on the same level the chorus comes out from that performance. Otherwise I would never have known he was even there. I wouldn't presume to think he needs to warn me every time he attends a concert there. He doesn't know exactly what nights I'll be performing. It is his life, his ticket. He's the guest there, not me.

[clairelisbeth]

I think that given the nature of the OP's attachment, that LC should have told her that she would be there. Not to protect and shield her from every little thing, and not to help carry on the fantasy that the OP is her daughter, but just a heads up, a courtesy.

Growli and her LC would have had an opportunity to process it, and it still is something that would have happened….its not like the LC would be avoiding the concert hall bc her client worked there.

Frankly, I don't have a desire to be my T's daughter, and honestly, if she came to my place of employment with her kid and didn't tell me beforehand, I would think it was…odd, and would find it somewhat jarring.

That being said….it happened, and now Growli, you have to decide how you are going to proceed going forward. This could be a big opportunity for growth. What are you thinking?

[Lauliza]

It probably would have been more appropriate for LCM to tell you she'd be there if she knew you'd be working. Since she didn't, maybe you can reframe what happened so you see it from a different perspective. LCM didn't show up at your place of work unannounced, she went to her daughter's concert which you happened to be working at. Who she was with also doesn't matter- maybe she's dating the guy, maybe he's the pdoc; maybe he's not. Neither of those things has anything to do with you and I don't see what ulterior motive there would have been. I understand it was uncomfortable for you, but these things are a part of life and you do need someone to help you learn how to cope so you can function. I hope you have a new T or start seeing one soon so you can really work through these issues.

[growlithing]

I had half a bottle of vodka. She said she thought of me before coming but didn't think that I'd be working. Mu school owns the hall and I work for the hall. She thought I only worktev for school events.

She said she was excited when she saw me and wanted me to meet her bf/pdoc/whoever the hell he was. She didn't really realize that I would have a very different reaction.

I am still upset. I am her daughter and she knows if. I left so I wouldn't risk meeting her daughter.

I drew to her sex life because I am jealous of everyone having sex. I can't get anyone to have sex with me. I n trying for casual sex. I still feel lied to because she didn't say she was trying to hook me up with him
As my pdoc. It wouldn't have meant anything but she wanted the money. I saw him once before my session and I told her he had a nice butt but I hate his hair and he's too small. She looked embarrassed. I am now embarrassed. She probably told him.