[rainbow8]

I may be doing that but I'm not sure. I have no valid reason to suddenly feel shame about the work I'm doing in therapy. It's going well. The child part sometimes felt a little embarrassed but I got over that. T says I'm doing great. It's not about thinking she'll want to terminate me because we both know I need her help because of my husband's illness. It could be that I feel ashamed of the child part because I need to be an adult now.

I don't know if I can get to my session Tuesday because of the weather and I'm not sure I care! I feel like I'm going to ruin my relationship with my T and she doesn't deserve that at all. I want to push her away but I don't really. I still need her. I can't figure out what's going on. Can anyone help me? Thanks!

[stopdog]

What if you just went in and calmly described this to the therapist instead of acting out on it somehow? The break, if the weather creates one, may not be a bad thing as it could give you a chance to regroup a bit.

[growlycat]

Funny you should mention this. I've been feeing like a failure at trying to make progress with my issues. I called T to talk me out of canceling my appt this week. I'm hoping to hear from him!

Maybe as SD says tell her you are feeling this before your session. I'll try to do the same with mine!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I want to push my T away all the time (about every other week ). She either will tell me when she notices or I will tell her if I notice. Then again, I also tell her when I want to lie to her

For me, it's a cycle. I want to be clingy, so I push her away. But then I fear losing her, so I feel clingy. Both aren't healthy. So we talk about it so I can learn to find a balance and what that balance looks like.

It's good that you recognize it. You don't have to act on it. You can work through it.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I may be doing that but I'm not sure. I have no valid reason to suddenly feel shame about the work I'm doing in therapy. It's going well. The child part sometimes felt a little embarrassed but I got over that. T says I'm doing great. It's not about thinking she'll want to terminate me because we both know I need her help because of my husband's illness. It could be that I feel ashamed of the child part because I need to be an adult now.

I don't know if I can get to my session Tuesday because of the weather and I'm not sure I care! I feel like I'm going to ruin my relationship with my T and she doesn't deserve that at all. I want to push her away but I don't really. I still need her. I can't figure out what's going on. Can anyone help me? Thanks!

It helps to take a little break when you feel like that, and later when emotions settle and you get back in balance, you will be able to continue your work in therapy. If your T was good so far he (or she?) won't mind you taking a break.

[unaluna]

I say we declare Tuesday "Senior Skip Day" like in high school? But in this case it means us old people are skipping t. Its too darn cold - getting out and fighting the elements just for that one hour of t wears me out and ruins me for the whole day. Just not worth it.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What if you just went in and calmly described this to the therapist instead of acting out on it somehow? The break, if the weather creates one, may not be a bad thing as it could give you a chance to regroup a bit.

thanks, SD. I only see my T every 2 weeks so I don't know if I need more time or not. I emailed her that I think I'm pushing her away. I can't get my car out of the snow so I may have to cancel anyway.

Originally Posted by growlycat

Funny you should mention this. I've been feeing like a failure at trying to make progress with my issues. I called T to talk me out of canceling my appt this week. I'm hoping to hear from him!

Maybe as SD says tell her you are feeling this before your session. I'll try to do the same with mine!

So I did email T that my painting triggered me, that I'm ashamed of the child, what if the adult me likes holding her hand, I don't deserve her love or caring, and I never told my Mom I loved her though I did. Gulp! A lot to say in one email. I'm very unsettled. I don't care if I can't go but I do care! I feel both ways. I hope you don't cancel, growly.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I want to push my T away all the time (about every other week ). She either will tell me when she notices or I will tell her if I notice. Then again, I also tell her when I want to lie to her

For me, it's a cycle. I want to be clingy, so I push her away. But then I fear losing her, so I feel clingy. Both aren't healthy. So we talk about it so I can learn to find a balance and what that balance looks like.

It's good that you recognize it. You don't have to act on it. You can work through it.

Thanks, Scarlet. Yeah, I feel the conflict too. I like feeling close to my T but suddenly became afraid. Maybe it's the love word that got mixed in. I don't understand love except for my kids.

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

It helps to take a little break when you feel like that, and later when emotions settle and you get back in balance, you will be able to continue your work in therapy. If your T was good so far he (or she?) won't mind you taking a break.

Thank you. My T is a she, and no, she wouldn't mind my taking a break but I see her every other week anyway. I really want to see her tomorrow, I think, but I'm not sure I can get my car out of the snow! It would be okay to miss a session though I never have, except for vacations, in the 5 years I've been seeing my T. Tomorrow or next week is our 5 year anniversary.

Originally Posted by hankster

I say we declare Tuesday "Senior Skip Day" like in high school? But in this case it means us old people are skipping t. Its too darn cold - getting out and fighting the elements just for that one hour of t wears me out and ruins me for the whole day. Just not worth it.

I know what you mean! Is that one hour worth possibly getting stuck somewhere? Logically no way! But then I feel the ache and a voice whispers: "yes it's worth it."

I would crawl through dog s*** to get to therapy, but I am a mess. Celebrate being healthy enough to stay safe at home!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

I would crawl through dog s*** to get to therapy, but I am a mess. Celebrate being healthy enough to stay safe at home!

I'm wavering...T emailed me back after I wrote her. She can't see me Friday which was my second choice. She didn't use to work on Friday and now she says she's completely booked. That makes me sad. She could see me Wed. but I have commitments and would feel so guilty if I changed plans.

So now I want to go tomorrow. T wrote that we will talk about all of my feelings that are bothering me. I don't know if anyone can help me with my car because I don't want them getting stuck. We had about 20 inches of snow! The professionals are booked up and the kids go back to school tomorrow. I don't want to get a heart attack. Please tell me not to be stupid. A phone session won't help.

OK. Don't be stupid.

Can you schedule for next Monday, then? And have back to back weeks? That way, you don't have to wait two weeks, at least.

[growlycat]

I hope you still find a way to get to therapy rainbow.

I ended up calling my T ugh, and e-mailing him and he called me and reassured me that if I have a bad week with my goals I am just as welcome to come in. No judging or shaming to be expected. He was very sweet, even self disclosing that his life isn't perfect and he sometimes needs to slow down before resuming everything he is doing.

Anyways, these are the times to get in that office.

[rainbow8]

Thanks! I was supposed to see T 2 weeks in a row because she's going away the week after. So next Tuesday is scheduled anyway. It's crummy! T hates when I whine but " I wanna see her." What happened to pushing her away? I want to get back to feeling that way again!

[wotchermuggle]

To answer the original question of the thread - if you're looking for ways to sabotage your progress, I've personally found it happens when I'm scared of moving forward in life. It's humbling when you figure that out and when you do, it's easier to make that change.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

To answer the original question of the thread - if you're looking for ways to sabotage your progress, I've personally found it happens when I'm scared of moving forward in life. It's humbling when you figure that out and when you do, it's easier to make that change.

Thank you. Maybe I'm starting to "grow up". It's about time, but I don't want to lose my T. Maybe.

[unaluna]

Im taking senior skip day tomorrow. 40 plus years later i hope im not sabotaging anything, but you never know with sabotage!!

[rainbow8]

I got my car out without too much shoveling and had a productive though difficult session. I will start a new thread about it later.